Million Oct 13, 2006
If I had a million dollars, I'd pretty much do the same thing I'm doing right now.  Maybe I have trouble imagining it, or maybe it's just that $1M isn't that much money these days.  Sure, I'd pay off my house, car, bills, and invest the rest, but it wouldn't get me all that far.  It's not like I could buy a yacht or a mansion.  Heck, to get a nice-sized house in my neck of the woods, I'd have to spend about $500,000.  Plus, smart financial advisers say to invest all the money and continue paying normal bills because the investment will presumably make more money than it's costing to pay off the house. 

But anyway, the question is asking what I'd do if I didn't have to work or worry about anything.  I guess I might do some traveling and spend some more time pursuing my expensive hobbies (snowboarding, skydiving [since when is a one-time-thing a hobby?], snorkeling/scuba diving, etc.).  I might buy a few cool gadgets like a nice camera or a GPS device.  But I have trouble envisioning my life changing very much.  What I'd like to do is continue living my current life, but take care of all the little things that get in the way of my enjoyment.  For example, I wouldn't set my alarm for 6am.  I wouldn't set my alarm at all.  I'd get up when I wanted to get up, and that's how I would start my day.  I'd probably keep going to work because my job provides me with a relatively comfortable workspace and a nice computer.  But instead of splitting my time between work and personal interests, I'd just eliminate work from the equation.  And I'd do something about the overwhelming quietness in my office.  And I'd find the thermostat and punch the building manager in the face.  But I'd continue reading things on the internet and writing things on this site.  My after-work life probably wouldn't change too much either.  I'd continue going to Bible studies.  I'd continue watching NFL on Sundays.  One thing I might change is the fluctuation of gas prices.  I like paying $1.99 a gallon.  I liked it even more when I paid $0.99 a gallon.  So I'd make sure the gas I put in my Toyota (which I wouldn't replace) would only cost $0.99 a gallon.  I'd probably continue shopping at Walmart, though I would probably make more frequent trips to Target instead.  I'd probably continue fixing my house, but I'd hire a professional to figure out how to make my grass grow. 

So I guess I'm either not answering this correctly, or I'm just really unexciting.  I'm supposed to say something along the lines of all the cool things I'd do and all the fast cars I'd buy.  But I'm so uninterested in things most people are interested in.  Oh well.  So I'm unexciting.  But I'd be an unexciting millionaire.  And think of all the candy I could buy with that kind of money!  The possibilities are endless. #money
No message Oct 13, 2006
Adding my home phone number to the Do Not Call registry was obviously futile.  I still get all kinds of stupid phone calls from stupid people asking for stupid things (honestly, why would I give more money to cops) or telling me to hold for a very important message (Atlantic City Hilton, you're the bane of my existence).  But by far, the most perplexing thing about messages is when the message-leaver just keeps saying, "Hello?  Hello?"  I'd really like to ask that person, "When were you born?  How long have you lived in this country?  Is this your first time using a phone?  Are you familiar with what an answering machine is?  Would you like me to explain to you how one works?"  Honestly, how can anyone be that stupid?  I understand why this happens sometimes:  Telemarketers use some sort of automated phone-dialing machine-o-tron, and when someone or something answers, the telemarketer readies him/herself to dish out the standard spiel.  But doesn't this machine-o-tron have some sort of way to tell if it's talking to a person or another machine?  If not, doesn't the telemarketer have enough sense to realize when he/she is talking to an answering machine?  Perhaps the telemarketer could observe the sound of empty space and conclude that no person is on the other end of the line.  Perhaps the telemarketer could only say "Hello" once, concluding that saying "Hello" more than once will simply fill up a person's answering machine with worthless blank messages.  Perhaps these wastes of human life could just stop calling me. #technology
Email attachments Oct 13, 2006
The best way to get me to ignore whatever you're saying in an email is to tell me to read an attachment.  I get this at work all the time.  Some jerk will send an email to all 600,000 or so employees (possibly an exaggerated number) with an obscure subject like "Important information" and a meaningless message saying "See attached file for details".  If you don't take the time to write a good email, I won't take the time to read it.  Opening an attachment is usually a cumbersome, time-consuming process, especially if it's a PDF.  And most times, the information in the attachment can be quickly and easily summarized in a sentence or two, if not just completely copied and pasted into the body of the email.  Some people send an attachment because it's the only way they know how to organize and/or display information.  Large bodies of text come in DOC and PDF files; schedules and finances come in XLS files; presentations and diagrams come in PPT files.  But when your schedule is as simple as "Column A:  Date; Column B:  Event", I think you can skip the whole Excel file and just put the information in the email.  If your body of text is from another person and you want to make clear that you're not the originator of the information, use quotes.  It's really quite simple. #technology
Listen more than once Oct 12, 2006
I own several albums that needed to be listened to more than once in order to fully appreciate them.  I find this happening more and more with CDs I've bought recently (yes, I still buy CDs).  Every now and then, I'll listen to a CD and instantly like it the first time through.  This was the case with Phish's Undermind.  For some reason, that whole album appealed to me in some way or another (except "Secret Smile", which is a horrific train wreck of a song), and I ended up listening to the album a good 10 times from beginning to end while driving in my car. 

But other albums affect me after the 2nd or 3rd listen.  This is the case with Jet's new one, Shine On.  The first listen was ok, but I was still a little iffy.  These guys blew me away with their last one, but half the songs on Get Born were slow and girly.  So I was expecting another album half-filled with hard-hitting rock songs and half-filled with slow ones.  Shine On has some of the same mix, but I think the songs are more effectively organized on the disc.  It's not up, down, up, down.  It's up, up, up, up, up, down, up, up, down, etc.  Whatever it is, I'm on the 4th or 5th listen and I'm loving it. 

The 2nd listen requirement is the case with most AC/DC and Black Crowes music.  This is not the case with most Blues Traveler, ulu, and Trey music.  I'm not quite sure what this says about these artists.  If it only needs to be listened to once to be fully enjoyed, does that mean it's genuinely good music?  If it needs to be listened to more than once, does that mean it's more complex and requires a certain appreciation of something that's going on in that specific band's music?  I don't know what the deal is, but I think it might have something to do with my mood, my surroundings, background noise, and how loud it is.  If Wendy's in the car with me, I can't fully appreciate a new CD because I can't play it as loud as I'd like (plus, Wendy likes to talk sometimes).  If I'm sitting in traffic and I'm late to something, I can't appreciate a new CD because I'm preoccupied and can't concentrate on the music.  So I think it depends more on the situation than on the type of music. #music
Broken links Oct 12, 2006
As a "web designer/publisher" (sorta), I get really mad when other web designers/publishers produce shoddy work.  One big example of this is with links.  Arguably the most important part of the internet is its ability to link different objects and ideas together.  That, along with the whole "information" part, make up the "information superhighway" (wow that's an outdated term).  So messing up links is a pretty big deal.  Here are the three biggest mistakes I see on a regular basis: 

1.  Omitting the "http://" (a.k.a. "scheme").  For example: 

<a href="http://ddhr.orgwww.google.com">www.google.com</a>

What happens if my link doesn't include the scheme?  It doesn't friggin work. 

2.  Including an extra "http://".  This is most likely the result of using an automatic link generator.  For example: 

<a href="http://http://www.google.com">www.google.com</a>

What happens if my link has an extra scheme?  If doesn't friggin work. 

3.  Extra spaces.  This is most likely the result of double-clicking on a word or series of words and then using an automatic link generator.  Double-clicking (at least in Windows) always selects the space after the word.  Double-clicking on the "Dave" in "Dave is a jerk" will select "Dave ".  So a link will look like

the <a href="http://www.google.com/">link is </a>here
or
the<a href="http://www.google.com/"> link is</a> here

This guy does this constantly.  What happens if the markup has extra spaces?  Nothing at all.  But it looks terrible, especially when links are underlined. #technology
Sorry Oct 11, 2006
Sorry is one of those words that's really easy to say without meaning.  Let me clarify before I gain a whole army of enemies:  When you say, "I'm sorry I did this" or "Sorry this happened", those words are usually sincere.  Sorry in that sense is an honest confession of wrongdoing or a heartfelt expression of sympathy.  However, there's an entirely different use of the word that often occurs as a pattern of social interaction.  People say, "Sorry to interrupt, but..."  That's not a real "sorry".  It's more of a "sorry if you're offended by my actions" and less of a "sorry I'm doing this".  Another example is, "Sorry I just cut you off, but no one else would let me out."  You're not really sorry for cutting the person off; you're just sorry that they were the recipient of your apparently offensive action. 

I notice this word being misused all the time.  So I would suggest inventing a new word or phrase to replace the old, borderline meaningless one.  Instead of saying sorry when you really mean it, use the phrase "truly sorry" or "honestly remorseful".  It adds a little more meaning when you actually mean it.  But for all those other circumstances where you're just saying it to say it, continue abusing the word into disuse. #psychology
Worst day of my life (1) Oct 10, 2006
I've been thinking about writing this for a while, but I didn't want to sound like a big whiny complainer.  So this is partially to tell my story and partially to help me remember all the sordid details. 

It's hard to use superlatives when talking about recent events.  To say something is the "best" or "worst", it needs to be compared to all other things in its category.  So the best or worst often doesn't really mean the best or worst; it means the best or worst in recent memory or the best or worst with respect to my changing worldview.  The worst experience of my life when I was 5 was when I was "forced" to go on Thunder Mountain at Disney World.  The best experience of my life when I was 12 was when my football team beat Sparta Blue 30-0.  Things change as viewpoints change.  So this is a difficult topic from the start. 

All things considered, up to this point in my life, the worst day of my life was September 2, 2006, the 2nd day of my epic hike from Vernon, NJ to Harriman State Park, NY.  When I think back on it, I can laugh about things and make fun of myself.  But all in all, that day contained the biggest series of ironies a day can possibly contain, making it the worst day ever.  To illustrate my point: 

1.  The bear scare.  My bear encounter actually happened the night before, but the feelings were obviously still with me.  Coming relatively close to death and having all the time in the world to think about it add up to some funny thoughts.  Thankfully, I stopped thinking about bears after a few hours of walking. 

2.  The hurricane.  Hurricane Ernesto hit the northeast on or around that day.  Although I didn't officially walk through a hurricane, the wind, rain, and cold weather didn't equate to a good time. 

3.  The distance.  My plan was to do 50-60 miles in 3-3.5 days.  It's an obtainable goal, but it was a little too ambitious for my tastes. 

4.  Wet shoes.  I don't care about being covered in sweat.  And I wouldn't mind rain if it weren't for one small problem:  Wet shoes don't dry overnight.  My shoes got noticeably wet by around 2-3pm, and I started to worry about the following 2 days of intense walking.  Wet shoes are fine if you're not walking far.  But wet shoes coupled with extreme distance and a 40-lb backpack means trouble. 

5.  The darkness.  It got dark sooner than I expected, so I was forced to stumble around with a headlamp while I splashed through puddles and worried about another bear encounter. 

6.  Lack of food.  By around 6pm, I knew I had about 4 miles left.  Four miles isn't too bad, but when you say it in terms of time, it's not too cool:  2 hours.  Every time I stopped, I lost time and body heat.  So instead of stopping to get some food in my system, I overdid it a little bit with the hope that I'd eat a nice big tasty MRE when I got to the shelter. 

7.  The Lemon Squeezer.  For some ungodly reason, the creators of the Appalachian Trail decided it would be "fun" to make people walk through a 2-foot passage between two walls of solid rock.  Note to the creators of the Appalachian Trail:  This is impossible, especially for people carrying any sort of backpack.  Jerks.  So I was forced to take off my pack and shove it through the two rocks as I followed.  This used up a considerable amount of energy I didn't have in the first place. 

8.  The failure.  After 2 hours and 4 miles, I didn't find the warm, dry shelter.  I thought I might've passed it, so I didn't want to go any further.  In utter defeat, I looked for a flat rockless area on the side of the path where I could pitch my tent.  I found one on the top of a mountain (I wish that was a joke). 

9.  The supposed bear scare.  It was around 7:30pm, totally dark, raining, and surprisingly windy.  Not only was it nearly impossible to set up my tent, but I had the very real fear that I heard a bear growling in the woods right next to me.  I shined my headlamp in the direction of the sound, but I couldn't see anything.  I frantically attempted to set up my tent, threw everything inside, and jumped in, hoping the thin fabric of the tent would protect me from the 2-inch claws and razor-sharp teeth of a hungry bear.  I laid there completely motionless for a while, hoping the bear would lose interest.  I couldn't eat my much-needed and well-deserved meal because the smell would definitely attract wildlife (if the wildlife wasn't already standing right outside my tent). 

10.  The feeling.  I felt something I never felt before, and I think it had something to do with my total exhaustion and my lack of replenishment.  Several times throughout the night, I felt sort of like I was gonna throw up, but it wasn't the normal throwing-up feeling.  It came from below my stomach, and it felt acidic.  Nothing actually came up, but I felt this feeling every few hours and every time I switched positions while trying to sleep. 

11.  Naked.  I was faced with a rather important decision:  Sleep in wet clothes and wake up freezing and possibly sick, sleep in dry clothes that will inevitably get wet and wake up freezing and possibly sick, or sleep naked.  The only reasonable choice was to sleep naked, so I stored my extra set of dry clothes in my backpack and used my wet clothes as a pillow. 

12.  The rainfly.  My tent's rainfly blew off after a few minutes, so I quickly got covered with a nice amount of cold rain.  Risking a bear attack, I got out of my tent (still naked), and attempted to quickly reattach the rainfly.  They should do this drill with people in high-pressure jobs.  Do you (a) risk a bear attack and/or being found naked in the middle of the woods during a semi-hurricane, or do you (b) sleep in the rain as your tent fills with water?  I opted for choice (a), but was then forced to go with choice (b) after my rainfly flew off a 2nd time. 

13.  The puddle.  Not at all contrary to popular belief, a tent will fill with water when left uncovered in a rainstorm.  So when it finally got light enough outside to warrant me getting out of my cold, wet sleeping bag, I found that everything I owned had sucked up 10 times its weight in water.  You'd be amazed at how heavy a soaking wet sleeping bag is.  There was no way I would be able to carry all my newly wet gear in addition to the 30 other pounds of gear in my bag.  Plus, my "dry" clothes (see 11 above) were no longer dry in any sense of the term.  I was forced to put on cold, wet clothes.  Ah, what a beautiful morning. 

14.  The shelter.  By the time I put on my wet clothes and ate my too-late-to-be-satisfying MRE, a couple of hikers came walking along the trail towards me.  I probably looked like a freak of nature with my wet gear strewn about the trail and a pocket knife in my hand (it was rusted open), but I asked them if there was a shelter around.  They told me the very thing I feared most:  "Yeah, it's right over there."  Sure enough, if I had walked about 20 more feet (see 8 above), I would've easily made it to the shelter, which would have prevented 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13. 

So, all in all, after writing all this stuff down, I feel fully qualified and completely justified in saying that this was undoubtedly the single worst day of my entire life.  Reading through it sounds almost funny.  And parts of it are funny:  Seeing a completely naked, practically glow-in-the-dark person (I'm pretty white) scurrying around his tent in the middle of the night (12) is probably either life-changingly frightening or side-splittingly funny.  Some of these events are entirely survivable and not even a big enough deal to mention:  Getting wet feet (4) and not finding the shelter (8) are a relatively small deal.  Some of the events were either completely avoidable or entirely in my head:  I found out the next day that there's an easy way around the Lemon Squeeze (#7) and the bear scare (#9) was "supposed" because I'm relatively certain that those noises were simply the trees creaking in the wind.  But at the time and under the circumstances, I could've bet my life I heard bears.  Taking all these events into account, I don't feel bad about text messaging Wendy that morning and asking to be picked up.  I think I deserved it. #nature
Get my name wrong (9) Oct 10, 2006
The best way to make me immediately dislike you is to get my name wrong.  Call me Bill.  Call me Rashad.  Call me Steve [1].  Either way, call me "not your friend any more" because that's what I am.  I don't mind if you say, "What was your name again?"  Everyone's bad with names.  Chances are I don't remember yours either.  Just don't call me something I'm not.  For some strange reason, I take it as an insult, and I'll pretty much never forgive you.  I take it really personally, and I think it has something to do with thinking I must not be important enough for my name to be remembered.  In some circumstances, I'll readily admit to this like Lester Burnham in American Beauty:  "It's ok, I wouldn't remember me either."  But if you go out on a limb and get my name wrong, you're immediately put on my List of People Who've Gotten My Name Wrong.  For this very reason, I almost never use a person's name when I greet them, just in case I get it wrong.  I say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "It was good to see you again".  I could be completely sure of their name and I could be continually repeating it in my head so I don't get it wrong, but I end up not saying it because I don't want to cause what I would perceive as harm.  Yes, I have problems. 

[1] Calling me Steve will put you on the List of People Who've Almost Gotten My Name Wrong.  Steve is quite phonetically similar to Dave, so I'll let it slide.  Once. #psychology
Blog ads review Oct 10, 2006
I've tried several different blog ad services in the past week, so now I'm fully qualified to make an expert opinion.  And by "expert", I mean "elementary". 

I've noticed that there are several attributes that set each blog ad service apart from the rest.  For me, those are style customization, content customization, payout amount, loading time, and profitability. 

Google Adsense isn't very good with any of these.  Their clunky javascript and forced styling makes customization difficult (though not impossible).  Their content is based on the content of your site, though it's often only related to a single post on your site, making it unrelated to all other content.  The minimum payout amount is $100, which I'm incredibly far from reaching.  Loading time always seems to be pretty long.  I always notice that I wait for pages to load and when I look at the status bar, it says, "Waiting for http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com..."  Profitability also seems to be relatively low.  I've gotten upwards of a whole entire $1 on a single day (wow a whole dollar!), only to fall to $0.10 the next day.  So basically, unless you're running a site with 10,000 visitors a day, AdSense probably isn't your best bet. 
My rating:  1/5 stars

Adster is an interesting alternative because, instead of context ads, they sell advertising space on your blog.  You tell them how much you'd like to get paid, and they try to find you someone willing to pay that amount.  The problem with this is that no one wants to pay to advertise on my blog.  So until someone offers to pay, they display random pay-per-click ads.  The random links are often adult-oriented or gambling related, so I wasn't too pleased.  I just found out that there's an option to disable adult ads, but I don't think they should be enabled to begin with.  So anyway, the style was relatively customizable, the content was relatively customizable, the payout amount was a minimum of $5 (can be changed), load time was ok, and profitability was ok. 
My rating:  3/5 stars

AdBrite is similar to Adster in that it tries to sell advertising space, but in the absence of bidders, displays contextual link ads (based on your choice of context).  The style is extremely customizable.  Content is very customizable, based on certain categories of products or services you'd like to advertise.  Payout amount is set at $25 and can be raised or lowered.  Loading time is good.  Profitability is pretty good. 
My rating:  4/5 stars

Text Link Ads is really nice, but sort of elitist.  Like Adster and AdBrite, they sell advertising space on your blog.  But unlike those two, they don't display ads if no one is paying.  So after a long site approval period and other associated wait times, I'm still left with no ads.  Their code insertion (and optional WordPress or other blogging engine plugin) is quite easy and seems to be customizable.  I don't know if content is customizable.  Payout amount is $25 for a check, and unlimited for PayPal.  I don't know about loading time, and I don't know about profitability.  I'd really like to give these guys a more thorough review, but their system just isn't set up for "little guys" like me.  To their credit, their website is beautiful. 
My rating:  2/5 stars

PayPerPost keeps coming up in my posts because they're the best money-producer I've found.  Instead of displaying ads, they let the blogger write about certain topics and products that an advertiser pays the blogger to write about.  In addition to stupid spam-like advertising such as "Online Shopping with Coupons" and "Wedding Invitations and Stationery", the site also has opportunities to write about things that are relevant to me.  Their blog gives people a sneak peak into the minds of the people who run it.  One blog post suggested that advertisers allow bloggers to be either positive or negative in their reviews, saying, "While I know the concept sounds a bit scary, if you give Posties (our bloggers) an opportunity to be completely open you will get higher quality posts and more posties will take your opportunity."  What a cool concept.  It's also an easy way for publishers to cheaply advertise on blogs.  Their blog has a bunch of other content and behind-the-scenes information about these crazy people and their successful idea.  As for a review:  Style customization is N/A, content customization is great, payout amount has no minimum, loading time is N/A, and profitability is quite high for people who can't make big money with context ads. 
My rating:  5/5 stars

This is a sponsored post. #entertainment
Nice to meet you Oct 9, 2006
To be honest, I'm usually lying when I say, "Nice to meet you."  There are the occasional instances when I finally meet someone I've been hearing a lot about or when I meet the significant other of a close friend or relative.  But most other times, I'm merely subscribing to a set of social standards.  I shake your hand, I say, "It was nice meeting you," and we go our separate ways.  It's usually not that it was bad to meet you.  I can only think of a few times when I wish I had never met a person.  It's mainly just that it's not "nice".  If anything, it's neutral.  I'd rather say, "We met today," and part ways.  But I obviously can't say this because it's not socially acceptable.  The thing is, we'll probably never see each other again.  We'll almost definitely never communicate.  And even if we happened to cross paths at some distance point in the future, neither of us would remember the other person's name, leaving us with the choice of awkwardly avoiding and ignoring each other or doing the whole "Haven't I met you before?  Weren't you at that thing?  Aren't you friends with my friend?"  So if you ever hear me say, "It's nice to meet you," please understand that it's not literally "nice" to meet you; I'm just fulfilling my social obligations by reading from a memorized cue card.  No offense.  You probably do it too. #psychology