Lazy progress Jun 21, 2010
From Robert Heinlein's Time Enough for Love: 
Progress doesn't come from early risers -- progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.
Good.  There's still hope for me. #lifestyle
Wallet in front (2) May 27, 2010
I'm an American male, so I carry a wallet.  If it was socially acceptable for me to carry a man-bag, I would.  But I don't live in Europe, nor do I have any respect for men who carry man-bags, so I carry my important information in a leather holder that fits in my pocket.  When I first started carrying a wallet, it contained a little money, an ID, and about 50 other things of little to no value, such as business cards (not even my own), hotel key cards, frequent shopper cards, and airline mileage cards.  (This paled in comparison to one of my high school friends, who carried so many pieces of paper and miscellany that his wallet rivaled George Costanza's.)  It wasn't until I started working full time that I switched from carrying my wallet in my back pocket to the front.  My work attire consisted of khaki pants, and since the pockets tend to move around, every time I sat down, I had to move my wallet towards my hip so I wouldn't sit on it in an uncomfortable position.  But what this looks like to the casual observer is that every time I sat down, I scratched my butt.  This became problematic for my self-image, so I cut my wallet contents down to a few credit cards, an ID, and the occasional paper money, and put it all in my front pocket.  I realize how weird this is every time I see other men reaching into their back pockets for their wallets.  But to avoid being known as a public butt-scratcher, I'm happy with the change. #lifestyle
Black shoes, white socks May 19, 2010
I'm certainly not fashion savvy.  I wear a velcro watch.  But the two things I know for certain about business casual dress are that you're not supposed to wear a tie with a short-sleeved shirt, and you're not supposed to wear white socks with black shoes, especially if you're also wearing dark pants.  Yet one of my co-workers, despite otherwise having a good fashion sense, insists on doing this, not only at work, but also at conferences and customer meetings.  I'm lucky if I can find a shirt with no stains on it, but after looking at this guy I don't feel too bad about myself. #lifestyle
Divorce limit Apr 21, 2010
CNN talk show host Larry King announced last week that he's filing for his eighth divorce.  I think that should be it for him.  He should throw in the towel on the whole marriage thing.  And I think we as a society should prevent people from getting marriage more than, say, three times.  After that third divorce, if you show up to the town hall and try to get another marriage application, you should simply be rejected on the spot.  Not for any moral reasons, or because you're a bad person.  It's just that, hey, let's face it; you tried, and you failed.  Obviously more trying won't help anyone.  And unless your spouses all died tragically in separate unrelated fiery bus crashes (which would be at least slightly suspicious in the first place if not for the fact that you're a suspect, then at least for the fact that you have incredibly bad luck), maybe you're just not cut out for this "holy matrimony" thing. #lifestyle
Lunchtime shave (1) Apr 13, 2010
Two times in the past few weeks, I've walked into the bathroom at work and seen the same guy shaving at the sink.  This puzzles me.  I can understand not shaving at home in the morning because you just want to leave the house on time.  And I can see the benefit of shaving before an important meeting or something like that.  Heck, I can even sort of understand shaving towards the end of the day because of a five-o'clock shadow.  But shaving in the middle of the day makes no sense to me.  If I was this guy's boss, I'd fire him simply because I don't understand him.  This is one of the reasons I'm not a boss. #lifestyle
Short pants Mar 29, 2010
I work with a guy who's about 6'3".  He's fairly tall, and his tallness is noticeable.  He also happens to be an executive, so he gets paid well for doing relatively little.  But he has a fairly significant wardrobe problem:  His pants are too short.  They barely extend to his shoes and frequently get stuck at the top of his man boots (another problem, but one that I'll overlook in this case).  Every day, he looks like a kid that grew out of his kid clothes, i.e., he looks like an adult idiot.  And since he's an executive, there's no question he can afford clothes that fit.  I have to go out of my way to avoid this guy for fear that I might eventually say something to him and lose my job.  Or get beat up by some man boots. #lifestyle
Legal junk mail Mar 17, 2010
I got a ticket last week for shooting people with a rocket launcher mounted to the front of my car.  Actually, it was because I cut somebody off, which doesn't sound nearly as bad as shooting people.  See how that works?  Anyway, this isn't my first moving violation, seeing that I'm a young male with too many natural brain chemicals and not enough brains to store them all.  But unlike my previous legal run-ins, this one came with legal junk mail.  Within a week, I got five letters in the mail from lawyers who referenced the date of my offense, the location, and the exact law that had been broken.  This seemed a little private to me, but apparently it's "legitimate" in the same way lawyers are "legitimate," i.e. there's nothing inherently illegal about allowing scum-sucking lawyers to access publicly available municipal court dockets for a fee.  This Asbury Park Press article says it's not a new thing (in New Jersey anyway); it's been around since at least 2004.  The article also says, "It is a practice lauded by some as an enterprising way for attorneys to cultivate a client base without expending excessive time and energy on marketing, but derided by others as a demeaning solicitation that casts lawyers in a bad light."  I have news for the lawyers of the world:  Too late. #lifestyle
Funeral clothes (2) Feb 25, 2010
Of the very few funerals I've attended, I've always felt improperly dressed.  As everyone knows, the dead would like us to wear nice black clothes, of which I own none.  I always show up in something like khakis and a green shirt, and I never fit in.  My clothes are too happy.  I own no sad clothes.  The closest I have is gray, and you'd be surprised how happy and exciting gray clothes look when compared to black.  I have every intention of eventually buying proper funeral clothes, but every time I'm at a store and see something that the dead would enjoy, I can't think of anyone I know who has recently died or might soon bite the big one, and so I put it off.  That's the problem with death.  So unreliable. #lifestyle
Inconvenience everyone Feb 1, 2010
I'll be attending a wedding in July between a girl from Kentucky and a guy from New Jersey.  In an effort not to inconvenience just one side of the family, the wedding will be held in geographically-centric Virginia.  That way, everyone is inconvenienced.  The only thing that would make this better is if the wedding was on a weekday. #lifestyle
Annual report 2009 Dec 31, 2009
I like the idea of a Christmas letter because it updates people on what you've been up to in the past year.  But I don't write letters, so here's my version.  We'll see if the "annual" part sticks. 

Two thousand nine was a year of growth.  In February, we added a new mammalian member to our family, Dora the bunny.  Then in October we added another bunny for companionship, Max.  Both bunnies get along relatively nicely with the existing wildlife, though not as well with the couches and wires. 

Two thousand nine was a year of recreation.  When it was cold outside, we spent some time snowboarding in Vermont and New Jersey.  When it was getting warm, we spent some time hiking in Virginia and New Jersey.  When it got nice and warm, we spent some time relaxing in the sand and swimming in the ocean at Island Beach State Park, NJ.  Then when it was starting to get cold again, we left everything for a cruise in the Caribbean. 

Two thousand nine was a year of weddings.  One in June, one in August, and one in October.  And we were invited to two others which we couldn't make it to, which was both bad but also obviously good.  Also, in August, we celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary with a weekend trip to Chicago. 

Two thousand nine was a year of debt relief.  In June, we paid off a major part of a loan on our house.  And in May and July, we paid off our cars, which are now five and six years old.  About a month before I paid off my car, I hit 100,000 miles.  And in sort of related news, we got a new roof for our house in November, since we were a few years overdue. 

Two thousand nine was a year of change.  Wendy temporarily lost her process engineering job at M&M Mars when her group was disbanded, but then she was rehired as a sustainability engineer in a different group, which she only stayed at for a few months before accepting a job as quality manager in yet another group.  In non-job news, I continued to do kickboxing at Real World Martial Arts but recently started jiu jitsu.  In church news, we've been spending less time at Bethlehem and more time at Liquid. 

Here's to two thousand ten. #lifestyle