Knives as tools Apr 20, 2011
I keep a large steak knife at my desk at work, and I use it on a daily basis to cut up my lunch, slice the occasional apple, and butter my toast in the morning.  (My opinion on office eating is that if I'm spending half my waking hours at work, I'm eating at least two meals there.)  But whenever one of my co-workers happens to see my knife, they say something like, "You could kill someone with that thing." 

If it came down to it, I could probably kill a person with a paper clip and lots of carefully-placed puncture wounds.  But I don't, because I don't typically kill people.  Even though steak knives have been used in the past for that purpose doesn't mean all steak knives are always used for that purpose.  I resent the fact that a tool I use on a daily basis labels me as a criminal. 

Also, in terms of fighting styles, knives are close-combat weapons, meaning you have to get real close to use them, which leaves you open to counterattacks and such.  I'd personally rather use a really long stick, or run away screaming. 

On a related note, whenever I go to the airport, I have to remember to leave my pocket multitool at home because otherwise they'll confiscate it due to its weapon-like abilities.  What they don't realize is that the knife doesn't even lock open, so if you tried to use it to stab someone, you'd most likely end up cutting yourself. #lifestyle
Home ownership kinda sucks Apr 1, 2011
Here's something no one tells you before you make the biggest purchase in your life:  Owning a home kinda sucks.  I mean, sure, you get a roof over your head and some nice tax breaks, so it's not all bad.  But houses in general have a tendency to gradually return to the natural state from which their component materials were taken.  In other words, everything breaks.  Metal piping rusts and corrodes.  Electrical wiring disintegrates.  Wood siding gets eaten by neighborhood animals.  Roofing simply wears down over time.  If you're handy and have lots of free time, owning a home is a great idea.  You'll have plenty of opportunities to fix leaky pipes and spray expanding-foam insulation into every crack and hole you can find.  But if you're like me, and you have a job, and you don't consider "fixing your house" the same as "doing something fun," home ownership sucks.  When I'm at home, I just want to be; I don't want to fix. #lifestyle
The Beanie Babies Bubble Mar 23, 2011
Mental Floss has an interesting re-post about the Beanie Babies Bubble of the late 1990s.  I personally never participated in this elite investment opportunity, and I remember thinking at the time how ridiculous it was to believe a collection of stuffed animals would produce a good return for your money.  People are stupid. #lifestyle
War on Christmas Dec 28, 2010
I think the "War on Christmas," i.e. the practice of boycotting stores and criticizing people for saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," is one of those issues that shouldn't really be an issue.  I guess it all stems from the idea that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and as a Christian nation, America should force its people to honor that tradition.  Here are a few counterarguments to that idea: 
  1. America isn't a Christian nation.  While the dominant religion is Christianity, the government isn't allowed to force its people to do anything regarding religion.
  2. Christmas, in its current form, is barely a Christian holiday, if not outright un-Christian.  Not that I have anything against rampant consumerism or Black Friday stampedes, but those probably aren't the types of activities Jesus would have condoned.
  3. Not everyone celebrates Christmas.  Even though schools are off and people take vacation from work, not everyone is a tree-decorating, carol-singing Christmas-celebrator.  To expect people to say "Merry Christmas" is like a Hindu expecting everyone to say "Happy Diwali."  Different strokes for different folks.
In the end, I sense a little bit of a collective control freak trying to force other people to act a certain way.  It takes one to know one.  I still think the only thing you can control is yourself.  Choose your battles. #lifestyle
Gross male clothing (2) Aug 18, 2010
I don't know any people who think the following popular clothing styles for men are attractive in any way, for any male mammal, whether human or otherwise:
  1. Low-rise anything
  2. Skinny jeans
  3. V-neck shirts
One day we'll look back at this and realize how right I am.  Then another 20 years later, these ridiculous styles will be back again. #lifestyle
Wooden houses Aug 3, 2010
I was awoken the other morning by the wonderful sound of soft tapping on my bedroom wall.  I got out of bed to find out that it was a stupid woodpecker, boring its way into my house.  As with the squirrel incident, if I owned a gun, this bird would have been surprised to find some extra metal in its fleshy parts. 

The thing I don't understand about this situation is this:  Why in the name of God's green earth do we humans decide to build our living spaces out of the most pest-ridden, rot-prone building material on earth, i.e. wood?  Why don't we use stone or metal or plastic, or some other material that isn't made of irregularly spaced grains and has a tendency to soak up water like a sponge?  Perhaps we could choose something that isn't a natural meal for ants, bees, termites, mice, squirrels, woodpeckers, and hell, really anything that feels like it could use a snack.  I mean, we have iPods and high def TVs and nuclear bombs.  In 1000 years, we'll still have iPods, high def TVs, and nuclear bombs, but our stupid houses will be worthless heaps of garbage because they're made of a once-living substance. #lifestyle
Casual wedding guests Jul 22, 2010
I feel like every wedding I go to (which is three per year for the past four years), there's at least one guy who doesn't wear a tie.  And I applaud this guy.  Weddings are widely recognized as formal occasions (except my own wedding, which was casual -- my uncle wore shorts; I'm still happy about that), and the International Code of Attire for Formal Occasions dictates that guys must wear a collared shirt, a tie, dress pants, and non-sneakers.  A jacket is recommended but not required.  But there's always that one guy, usually a second cousin or a friend of a friend of a friend, who has some tattoos and facial hair, and doesn't even own a tie, let alone have a clue as to how to tie it.  This guy probably won't be the next politician or lawyer, but hey he could work for Apple. #lifestyle
Wedding week Jul 19, 2010
I just attended three weddings in seven days.  One was on Sunday in Pennsylvania, one was on Friday in New Jersey, and one was on Saturday in Virginia.  All three weddings took place outdoors, and all three outdoor weddings enjoyed beautiful (albeit stiflingly hot) weather.  All three weddings had M&Ms as favors.  Two weddings took place on upscale farms.  Two weddings were officiated by female pastors.  Two weddings had both sets of parents still married.  Only one of the weddings had good wedding cake. #lifestyle
Girls with girlfriends Jul 9, 2010
Some women like to refer to their female friends as girlfriends.  Why is this?  The term "girlfriend" already has a widely accepted definition, and it's not equivalent to "friend."  These same women don't refer to their male friends as boyfriends, because, again, "boyfriend" already means something.  And men don't refer to their male friends as boyfriends, just as they don't refer to their female friends as girlfriends.  A friend is one thing; a girlfriend is something entirely different.  I make a motion that we reject "women with non-relationship girlfriends" out of society.  It's just too confusing.  For me mostly. #lifestyle
Wedding registry Jul 2, 2010
One of the best parts about getting married is socially obligating people to buy you expensive, unnecessary gifts.  A subset of this experience is actually going to a store of your choosing, obtaining a price-scanning gun, and shooting every blessed thing in sight.  These two facts are universally agreed-upon, hence no wedding in recent memory deviating from this stupid practice.  But can we take a step back and agree on one simple thing?  Nobody needs a spice rack.  I doubt any reasonable human being has actually ever used a blender.  And honestly, if you've made it this far in life without a toaster, chances are you can continue living without one.  Towels and plates and video games are fine, because these are things that will actually be used on a regular basis.  But a picnic basket?  A salad spinner?  For Pete's sake, why must we even spin our salads in the first place? #lifestyle