How to dress like an adult Jun 14, 2017
I was at a wedding this past weekend, and the bride's older brother was dressed like an idiot.  Not because he didn't feel like dressing for the occasion, but because he apparently never learned how to dress like an adult.  I'm no fashion expert, but I feel like there are a few simple rules to follow when you reach the age of maturity and don't want to look like an idiot: 
  1. If you're wearing a collared shirt, iron it.  Sometimes you can get away with a somewhat wrinkled shirt in a casual situation, but if you're at work or a formal occasion, that shit won't fly.  It's ridiculously obvious you bought that white button-down shirt on the drive over because it still has the crease marks from the packaging.
  2. If you tuck your shirt in, wear a belt.  It doesn't make a difference if you need a belt or not; just wear one.  I don't know why this is a rule, but I remember learning it from my dad and subsequently judging everyone who broke the rule.
  3. If you wear a tie, tuck it under your collar.  There's no better way to signal to the world that you're an incompetent dumbass than by having your tie stick out of your collar as if your stumbly bumbly childlike fingers were unable to accomplish a simple mechanical task.
  4. If you're at a wedding, wear a tie.  If you're at a job interview, wear a tie.  If you're at a formal occasion where most men are wearing ties, wear a tie.
This message is for you, Mr. No Tie Creased White Shirt with No Belt at a Wedding. #lifestyle
Tattoo May 5, 2017
Not many people know this, but I'm planning on getting a tattoo of the solar system on my inner left forearm in a few weeks.  I've thought on and off about getting a tattoo for a while now, and I was always dissuaded by my inability to choose a design.  My uncertainty led me to hold off on the idea altogether, since getting a tattoo isn't a requirement.  My mind was changed somewhat gradually and recently by my advancement in age (35), my choice of topic, and my dissatisfaction at being undecided. 

I chose the solar system for a few reasons.  One is that it's a symbol of humanity's knowledge, specifically knowledge about ourselves and our place in the universe.  The structure, order, and motion of the solar system was really one of the first things we learned using the scientific method.  We knew how the planets moved way before we knew nearly anything about the human body or the history of the earth.  So the solar system is a symbol of knowledge, and of science.  But it's also a symbol of perspective.  We used to think we were the center of the universe.  Later we discovered that our planet isn't even the center of our own solar system.  Our solar system is just one of many, which instantly elicits a sense of smallness.  We're tiny in the grand scheme of things, and that's important to remember. 

Deciding to get a tattoo presented a surprisingly unique challenge:  Predicting how the future me might feel about a tattoo, the design of it, and its placement.  No other choice, action, or event has the same type of emotional baggage attached to it.  I don't worry about whether future me will like the t-shirt I just bought, or will be pleased with my current choice of hairstyle.  I don't worry about how future me will feel about my upcoming vacation plans, or the car I bought, or my current job duties.  I guess you could say choosing a mate might be a similar decision, but at least that involves the feelings of another person.  A tattoo is all about me, and how I imagine my future self will feel.  It's a difficult thing to predict. 

As far as placement, I went with the inner forearm because it's readily visible to me, but not all that readily visible to other people.  I didn't want a tattoo on a body part that I would rarely see on myself, like my upper thigh or my back.  I also didn't want to have to take off my pants to show people my tattoo.  I'm not too concerned about how my tattoo placement will affect me professionally or socially.  If it comes down to it, I can wear long sleeves.  I have a hard time envisioning a situation where (a) I would be forced to wear short sleeves in a setting that forbade tattoos, or (b) tattoos are even forbidden in the first place.  The meaning of tattoos has changed over the years, as has the types of people who get them.  I am slightly concerned about people asking me about my tattoo and why I got it and what it means.  It's more likely people won't even notice in the first place. 

To be perfectly honest, I'm still concerned with (1) getting a permanent mark on my body (2) of a topic or design that will be forever relevant to me (3) in a location visible to other people.  My feelings and concerns on the matter haven't really changed, but I've decided to take a risk.  I don't know whether that's good or bad, but it is what it is. #lifestyle
Spring anxiety Apr 19, 2017
The weather just started to get warm near me, and I have a bunch of outdoor projects in mind.  I find myself experiencing a bit of anxiety each year around this time, because for the past several months I've been doing essentially nothing, and now the weather is nice so I can finally do something.  There's a limited amount of time for planting things or clearing brush, and there are certain things that need to be completed before other things are started (e.g. changing oil before running lawn mower).  I keep waking up on Saturday mornings nearly at a sprint because there's so much I want to get done.  And god forbid it rains. #lifestyle
Cancel the noise Mar 28, 2017
I have issues with background noise, especially when I need to concentrate.  In college I used to sometimes wear a set of over-the-ear hearing protection earmuffs when I was studying.  Never outside my dorm room though, because I didn't want to be known as that guy.  Years later I was gifted a pair of noise-canceling headphones, which were pretty awesome except when the battery got low.  Around the same time I discovered the wonders of white noise, or more specifically brown noise which has a more calming tone. 

A related issue is my inability to sleep through any type of sound, whether it's talking in the next room or snoring right next to me.  I'm surprised it took me this long to discover, but standard foam ear plugs work wonders.  I end up wearing them most nights just so my stupid cats don't wake me up.  But they're also perfect for hotels and friends' houses with unfamiliar surroundings and unexpectedly early risers.  I wish I knew about these in college; I wouldn't have had to call the cops on the guy down the hall whose alarm went off for seven hours straight while he wasn't in the room. #lifestyle
Operating temperature Mar 14, 2017
I like my house's indoor temperature to be 70°F.  There's something special about that number that just feels exactly right.  68?  A little cold.  72?  A little warm.  70 is just right.  I happened to marry a person who has the same temperature profile, so that's good. 

One of my friends likes to keep his house around 62 in the winter.  It's expensive to keep a house too warm, but that's not entirely why he does it.  He's comfortable at that temperature.  In fact, he's comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt in that temperature.  I'll show up in pants and a long-sleeve shirt and have to sit on my hands to keep them warm, and he'll be walking around like it's summertime. 

The point is, different people have different normal operating temperatures.  Some people are warm when it's 62; some people are cold when it's 75.  Putting any two people in a room together nearly ensures that at least one of them will be uncomfortable. #lifestyle
Patchouli and tea tree oil Mar 6, 2017
Two scents that go from 0 to 100 real quick:  Patchouli and tea tree oil.  I didn't realize what patchouli was until someone pointed out to me it's what every live music event, hippie, and health food store smell like.  I don't mind the smell, but there seems to be no reasonable amount of it.  It's either absent, or there's a gallon of it invading your nasal passages. 

Tea tree oil has the same effect on me.  Maybe it's just me, but there's no acceptable amount of tea tree oil scent.  It has the very weird effect of making me feel like I can taste it, even when I'm quite confident I didn't put it in my mouth. #lifestyle
Multitasking failure Jan 4, 2016
I've recently entered a stage in life exemplified by my complete inability to finish a single goddamn task.  Being in a new house of course means I have a bunch of little things to accomplish.  Let me just fix this doorknob real quick ... oh look, this light switch is loose ... damn light bulb is out.  By the end of the day, I accomplish literally nothing.  I've found that the only way to actually complete anything is to actively ignore all other things that could get in the way.  So as I'm fixing the mismatched electrical outlet cover, I'll notice the loose railing ... and just ignore it.  If I'm feeling ambitious, I'll write it down and get to it later.  But the only way I can do anything is to only do one thing.  Multitasking is a myth. #lifestyle
Professional work Jan 21, 2015
When I initially bought a house, I was cheap and relatively poor, so I figured I would do most home improvement work myself.  Plus, I watched my parents gut and refinish my childhood home, so I figured they were onto something.  For some projects, this makes a ton of sense.  It's probably not worth it to pay someone to paint your walls or replace a door, so I (we) did that.  I've even had the (mis)fortune of doing quite a bit of minor plumbing work and the occasional electric switch repair. 

But recently I've been paying people to fix my house for two simple reasons:  (1) Having money saved up for things like this, and (2) repeatedly failing to complete projects or do them well.  The last few plumbing projects I attempted involved replacing leaky pipes and valves.  It usually happened in the winter, so I would have to kneel on the cold cement floor of my crawlspace, cut pipes open and have them spray cold water all over me, and try for hours to solder a piece of cold metal onto a wet pipe (complete with at least two trips to the hardware store) before finally admitting failure and calling a plumber. 

The idea came to me to simply skip the do-it-yourself phase and call a professional, and that's what I've done the past few times.  I've yet to be disappointed by professional work.  The people I've dealt with are nice, they're quick, and they really don't change a lot of money.  Plus, the mental health savings are huge.  I'd rather pay someone to do something well than to do it poorly myself. #lifestyle
Right to die Nov 18, 2014
There's been some stuff in the news lately about a person's right to die, plus the obligatory condemnation of that idea by the religious authorities.  I'm not personally pro-suicide, but I think people should be free to do what they want with their own lives.  I think the Declaration of Independence should say, "Life, Liberty, the pursuit of Happiness, and Death."  What greater freedom is there than deciding how to live your life, and by extension, how to die?  I realize suicide is a touchy subject, but this really isn't about suicide.  It's typically about terminal illness and allowing a person to regain a little dignity in a situation that depletes it.  Scott Adams has quite a bit to say on the topic, and I don't disagree with any of his points.  Overall, I think it's odd when people who aren't affected by something end up rallying against it.  You can think and feel what you want, but don't take away someone's freedom just because you don't agree with their choice. 

Related:  How to die. #lifestyle
Explaining modern activities Oct 15, 2014
Some activities in modern middle class life seem like they'd be difficult to explain to someone who lives on the other side of the globe, or even someone who lived 50 or 100 years ago.  Case in point is last weekend's mud run.  I'm trying to envision explaining to a poor, dirt-covered villager the idea of running (willingly) through mud (for fun) while climbing over obstacles (for no purpose) while also paying a large amount of money to do so.  In what universe does that make sense? 

It's similar with camping:  Let's go trudge through the woods with heavy equipment and crappy food in our bag, then sleep on the hard ground while trying not to catch an insect-borne disease. 

Or apple-picking:  Instead of buying moderately-priced apples from one of many local stores, let's go walk around a muddy farm, pick the apples ourselves, try to avoid yellow jackets, then pay several times more than they're worth simply for the experience. 

Sometimes it seems like we've removed most of life's major obstacles and so feel the need to occasionally reintroduce them. #lifestyle