Ancestral ambiguity Aug 26, 2014
At what point in a person's family history do their ancestors stop being what they used to be and start being who they presently are?  My family tree has always been a little unclear to me.  My parents have information about some family members going back to around the mid-1800s, but before that it's muddy.  And the information they have is that my ancestors have been born and raised in America for at least four or five generations.  Their surnames aren't overtly Italian or Irish or German, and we're not black or Asian, so I'm probably a mixture of various breeds of British.  But I'm not British.  And my parents and their parents aren't British.  So at some point in time, my ancestors stopped identifying themselves by their history.  And that was likely the case for my ancestors' ancestors, who went to England by leaving some other ancestry behind.  And so on.  Modern human civilization likely started in Africa, so we're all technically Africans.  But what about before that?  Primordial oozians? #lifestyle
Infinity tattoo Apr 16, 2014
A guy who works at the local pizza place has an infinity symbol tattooed on his forearm.  It's a cool tattoo, but it's in a terrible spot.  Your lower arm can be moved around in such a way to make any orientation seem like the "right" orientation.  So if this guy keeps his arm down at his side, his infinity tattoo looks fine.  But when his elbow is bent, his tattoo is an eight.  That's poor foresight. #lifestyle
Drunk walking Mar 20, 2014
One of the downsides of growing up and living in a rural area is that social drinking can be difficult.  You typically have to drive somewhere to do it, and unless you enjoy losing your driver's license, you should probably plan ahead.  That means either (a) you don't go, (b) you don't drink as much as you want, (c) you elect a designated driver who resents you the whole night, or (d) you sleep where you drink. 

A major upside of visiting or living in a city is the prospect of drunk walking.  Instead of having to curtail your own drinking or depending on the driving abilities of someone who tried to curtail theirs, you can just walk home drunk.  Sure, that presents its own challenges, such as remembering how to get home and avoiding cops looking for public intoxication.  But in general, I would probably drink socially a lot more often if I could walk there and back. #lifestyle
Home ownership and lawn care Aug 13, 2012
One of the things I dreaded before owning a home was the idea of lawn care.  That whole exercise in futility held no appeal for me.  But now that I own a home, it's probably my favorite part of the process.  I could do without the painting and the flooding and the remodeling, but lawn care is one of the good things about home ownership.  There's just something enjoyable about having a simple task that doesn't take much time, effort, or money, and which produces a reliable, positive result.  Granted, it might have something to do with the fact that I have a tiny lawn that only needs to be cut every few weeks, but whatever.  Using a gas-powered machine to beat nature into submission is enjoyable either way. #lifestyle
Living underground Jul 10, 2012
I went on a tour of the Yuengling Brewery, and part of the operation was located in underground caves because of the year-round cool temperatures.  This was especially apparent on a hot summer day, when the outside temperature was around 100°F, but the underground temperature was in the 60s.  Maybe I missed this in home ownership class, but why don't we live underground?  I could think of a few possibilities right off the bat: 
  1. Bugs.  My crawlspace is full of cave crickets, which look like giant black spiders and like to jump on my back as I enter and exit.  But I feel like this is a problem with a solution.  Either utilize some bug traps or just seal everything off.
  2. Air.  Ventilation might be an issue.  Use a fan.
  3. Plumbing.  The whole reason plumbing works is because toilets and sinks are vertically higher than septic tanks and sewers.  You'd need some sort of pump system, but this isn't a deal breaker.
  4. Flooding.  Water likes to travel downhill, and caves don't really have a downstream exit.
So obviously there are some drawbacks to living underground.  But there's one simple benefit:  Temperature.  It's cool in the summer and easier to heat in the winter.  The mole people were onto something. #lifestyle
Wedding investment (2) May 16, 2012
When I get invited to a wedding, I try to convince myself to be content with the fact that I'm socially obligated to attend.  I say, "Hey, at least there's free booze."  And free booze there is, which is how I became acquainted with whiskey a few years ago.  Stepping back from the situation, I can't help but notice how the booze isn't really free.  Gifts are given, often on more than one occasion, so that's maybe $100-300.  If I'm in the wedding party, there's a tux rental involved, not to mention a public performance involving the simple yet intimidating prospect of standing in front of a room full of people.  Is the wedding nearby?  No, it involves a car ride and a hotel room and a few meals in between.  Finally there's the intangible expense of spending an entire day making awkward small talk with people I only sort of want to talk to while stuffing my face with cake containing fruit. #lifestyle
Dirty mouse Mar 6, 2012
If you ever want to feel bad about your personal hygiene, take apart and clean your computer mouse.  It's horrifying. #lifestyle
Reusable coffins Jan 9, 2012
One topic of conversation that came up at a recent funeral (besides cremation and resomation) was the idea of reusable coffins.  Because honestly, the last thing a dead person needs is a $10,000 wooden box. #lifestyle
Glitter cards (1) Dec 21, 2011
Dear people who send Christmas cards covered in glitter,

Thanks for making me clean up after you.  Please remove me from your mailing list. 

Sincerely,
Everyone who's ever had to clean glitter off every object in the house that happened to come in contact with your ridiculous gaudy card, then wash their hands because glitter sticks to everything, but then still had glitter on their face all day because that stuff gets everywhere and it makes you look stupid, like some jerk who puts glitter on their face in the hopes of attracting attention, like a bizarre mating ritual where mating will surely not happen. #lifestyle
Plata o plomo Dec 10, 2011
Plata o plomo is Spanish for the phrase "silver or lead," which was Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar's motto in dealing with his local government.  In other words, accept money or face bullets.  Me likes. #lifestyle