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Rollertoaster Thu, Nov 30, 2006
The Rollertoaster is the best thing since sliced bread.  Well, the best thing since the toasting of sliced bread anyway.  It's the first major innovation for the toaster in something like 80 years.  (via Neatorama)

#products

Deserved misfortune Thu, Nov 30, 2006
This may sound a bit mean or sadistic, but here it goes:  I take pleasure in observing other people's deserved misfortunes.  The key word there is deserved.  I'm not talking about natural disasters, health issues, accidents, or anything like that.  I'm talking about bad stuff that happens to people who at least somewhat deserve what they get. 

For example, the introduction of several new gaming consoles and then the recent Black Friday sales caused a few people some injuries.  These injuries happened because people are freaks and they camp outside stores overnight and then stampede through the store as soon as it opens.  I'm not saying that all those people deserve to get trampled to death in a mass trampling spree, but I have to admit I find it quite amusing watching videos of people getting knocked over and starting fights.  I'll justify my position by saying that these types of events are caused solely by greed.  So I feel totally fine saying I take pleasure in watching these people getting hurt.  It's such a comforting dose of irony and karma wrapped up in a pretty little 10 o'clock news package. 

Another example involves people and animals.  Some people think it's ok to taunt and tease wildlife, but then get offended when the animals attack.  I'm not talking about walking through bear country and stumbling upon a bear.  I'm talking about people who get too close to animals to take pictures or to feed them human food even though there are tons of signs that say not to.  When these people get antlered or nibbled, all I can think is, "Hey, you had it coming to you." 

I had the same feeling when that big NBA fight happened last year (not the players fighting players part, but the players fighting fans part).  If little tiny fans want to throw their food and drinks at 6 foot 6 in-shape athletes, they deserve to get their faces pounded.  [Somewhat] unfortunately, the fights turned unfair almost before they started as 5 to 10 fans were fighting a single player.  But if those fans got beat up, I would only have this to say:  "Hey, you had it coming to you." #psychology

Bring it to work Wed, Nov 29, 2006
Based on my time budget and a few other logical factors, I've been abiding by a new motto for the past few weeks:  Bring it to work.  Since I spend about one-quarter of my time at work, I might as well make it more like home.  Most people already do this:  They bring in pictures, plants, mementos, and other friendly reminders of home and other happy places.  But I've taken it a step further:  I keep all my food at work.  I don't bring new stuff in everyday.  I just keep it all at my desk or in the community refrigerator.  My frozen meals, my abundance of candy, my "healthy" snacks, and even my fresh fruit.  I used to buy food at the food store and keep it at home.  Then every morning, I'd put a few things in my bag and bring everything to work.  Why make things complicated?  I've eliminated the middle man (my home).  Now all I need is a stove or a grill, and then the next step would be a bed.  That would cut at least an hour of driving out of my day.  But then I wouldn't see Wendy or the cats.  That's no good. #food

Baby mop (1) Tue, Nov 28, 2006
Make your children work for their keep!  Dress them in clothes that serve more than one purpose.  The baby mop outfit keeps a kid warm and non-naked, while at the same time utilizing the child's natural desire and ability to crawl.  (via Mental Floss)

#products

NFL TV coverage Tue, Nov 28, 2006
Here's a map of NFL TV coverage around the country for CBS and FOX, the two networks that simultaneously broadcast different games depending on the area of the country the viewer is in.  Notice last week on CBS that my area of the country opted not to broadcast any game at all, even though there was a perfectly good Eagles game being watched in other areas of the country.  What sadistic freak is in charge of this stuff?  (via Kottke) #entertainment

NFL Network Tue, Nov 28, 2006
NFL Network sounds like a great idea.  I think it goes without saying that we as a country and as a human race need a TV channel devoted entirely to the NFL (I'm sort of kidding but also sort of serious).  I think the channel addresses a very real need/desire:  To have a channel that focuses solely on the NFL, day and night, all the time.  But I think it goes about this completely wrong.  It totally misses the point.  Instead of providing in-depth background information and analysis, it shows new "subscription only" games on Thursdays and Saturdays.  Whose idea was that?  Ok, maybe someone said, "We need football on more days during the week."  That's fine, but who came to the conclusion that these new games should be shown on an obscure channel that's only available to people who pay more money for it?  And what about people with Cablevision, Time Warner, or Charter?  NFL Network isn't available through these cable providers, so schmucks like me can't watch these special non-Sunday games.  This is quite possibly the stupidest idea to hit TV in recent years besides Dancing with Some C-List Stars or Skating with Celebrity Idiots

So basically, NFL Network is a great idea that's turned into a total failure.  Why offer premium content if half the people in the country can't access it?  Why have a channel devoted entirely to the NFL if nothing new or useful is really being offered?  My advice to Mr. NFL Network would be to change things around a bit.  Get yourself packaged with other normal channels like the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.  Offer a viable service.  Perhaps replay games 24 hours a day.  Or if you want to stick with the subscription gig, offer an NFL Network for every division or every team, and cover every game, no matter where it's played or where you're being broadcast.  That would definitely be in competition with the stupid jerks at FOX, CBS, and NBC, who only play the home team's game, and who don't play a game at all if the home team isn't playing. #entertainment

Stone pillows (2) Mon, Nov 27, 2006
This French company makes these things called Livingstones, which are rock-shaped, rock-colored pillows.  The best part about the product is this picture that shows a wild-haired caveman-like person dressed only in underwear, diving on these rock-like pillows like they're giant sugar cookies waiting to be eaten.  Where'd they find that freak?  (via Neatorama)

#products

Minimum purchase Mon, Nov 27, 2006
It turns out that requiring a minimum purchase amount when using a credit card is against Visa's and MasterCard's stated policy.  Specifically, Visa's policy says, "Always honor valid Visa cards, in your acceptance category, regardless of the dollar amount of the purchase.  Imposing minimum or maximum purchase amounts is a violation."  MasterCard's policy says, "A merchant must not require, or post signs indicating that it requires, a minimum or maximum transaction amount to accept a valid MasterCard card."  MasterCard has a website where you can report a merchant violation; Visa recommends contacting the company that issues your card.  (via Mental Floss) #business

Uninteresting (2) Mon, Nov 27, 2006
Adding to my current list of social problems, I have a pretty good feeling I'm uninteresting.  Whenever people ask me how I'm doing or what I've been up to, I struggle to come up with a good answer.  In an effort to make my peanut-counting job functions sound worthy of compensation, or to sugarcoat my interest in violent and aggressive activities in order to make me sound slightly less maniacal, I usually end up fumbling out an explanation that doesn't even begin to address the truth.  It's not that I'm compulsively lying, it's that I can't find the proper words in the right amount of time to successfully answer the question.  Sometimes, the issue is with my perception of the audience.  Will they understand my rocket science computer simulations?  If so, are they interested enough to pay attention to what I'm saying, or will they get distracted by the cat walking by?  So here's what ends up happening:  I squint my eyes, furrow my brow, put on a pained thinking face, and eventually settle on the words "not much" or "pretty good".  Where normal people would follow that thought fragment with meaningful conversation, I open my mouth slightly, hoping words will magically fall out and form rational sentences, and when they don't, I frantically search my mental encyclopedia of human social interaction for guidance on a meaningful question to ask or an interesting event to recount.  So maybe it's not a question of being uninteresting or not as much as it's a communication breakdown.  I think I used to be able to function somewhat normally in social situations.  I used to be able to meet new people and talk to them intelligently.  Somewhere along the line, I devolved into a bumbling interaction invalid.  I'm not sure what happened. #psychology

Sharing underwear Wed, Nov 22, 2006
It was recently brought to my attention that sharing underwear is a universally unacceptable thing.  And I fully agree.  I'm ok with letting people borrow a shirt or two.  I'm more hesitant about pants and shorts, but I'll usually give in.  Socks and undershirts might be given out reluctantly with a "Hey, it's your problem" disclaimer. 

But when it comes to underwear, there's just no acceptable reason, socially, mentally, physically, or spiritually, to let another person wear your underwear.  It just can't happen.  The borrower would be virtually unable to make it through the day.  They might accidentally slip up and say, "Hi, I'm Bob.  I'm wearing my friend's underwear.  I mean..."  Or it might just happen to be the most hot and humid day of the year.  I don't need to elaborate on that point. 

The lender of the underwear would be equally at fault.  No matter how many times you wash them, no matter how much bleach and other industrial cleaners you use, they're still the underwear your friend borrowed.  Every time you wear them after that, you'll remember.  It's not one of those things you'll conveniently forget about like the dust bunnies you swept under the refrigerator or the cookie you accidentally dropped on the floor and ate.  I think you'd be so riddled with disgust and self-loathing that you'd be unable to continue being a functional human being.  You'd have frequent mental health breakdowns.  You'd start yelling at squirrels.  You'd be unable to enter normal society again until you burned those underwear in a bonfire and publicly renounced your utter moral failure. 

In conclusion, don't let people borrow your underwear, and don't be a borrower of other people's underwear.  It's just completely unacceptable. #lifestyle

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