Sensory disorder (3) Feb 6, 2009
I'm pretty sure I have Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Asperger syndrome, Autism, or some sort of combination of the three.  I haven't decided which category I fit into best.  I certainly have "significant difficulties in social interaction and restricted, stereotyped patterns of behavior and interests" that comes with AS, and a recent revelation shows that I can't function in the presence of loud noises.  As I write this, several workmen are banging hammers on the floor above my desk in a seemingly random pattern, and I briefly considered quitting my job because of it.  Also, it hurts my ears to hear Wendy cough, I must be near the remote that controls the volume on the TV in case of a loud commercial, and the sound of a dog barking loudly indoors almost made me cry.  I like reading about psychological disorders.  It's fun to try to figure out what's wrong with me. 

Update:  Also, smell.  I can't go into places like the Yankee Candle store because I get overwhelmed by the plethora of smells. #psychology
Conversation singularity Feb 6, 2009
Conversation singularity - n. The tendency for all conversations, regardless of the age, ethnicity, or educational level of the participants, to degrade to the lowest point, i.e. poop and pee jokes and anatomical double entendres. #psychology
Forgetting people Feb 4, 2009
It scares me how quickly after meeting a person that I'll fail to recognize them, forget their name, and forget even meeting them or learning anything about them.  This happened on Sunday at church.  I walked past a guy I had met and hung out with no less than one month prior, and only after I walked past him did I realize I recognized him, after which I spent a few minutes trying to remember his name, after which I spent a few more minutes trying to remember where I met him, finally reminding myself that I had spent several hours hanging out with him and talking to him, learning about his kids and the fact that he was in a jazz band in high school.  My brain certainly doesn't fire on all cylinders. #psychology
Rational thought Jan 21, 2009
I was driving on the illustrious Route 80 with Wendy the other day, going off on one of my typical rants about how people are stupid because they insist on driving in the right lane during rush hour and get annoyed when people try to merge into their lane from the on-ramp, meanwhile ignoring the three other perfectly good (though equally crowded) lanes to drive in, when Wendy simply noted, "Not everyone thinks rationally." 

I laughed.  Not think rationally.  That's funny. 

And then I thought rationally about what she said.  And I realized she's right. 

And I laughed again, not because I think all thoughts are rational, but because I never thought of the idea that some people's minds don't think rationally by default.  To me, the term "rational thought" is synonymous with "thought".  This is why I don't think much about thinking rationally.  It just happens.  I don't say this to brag.  I say this like a person might say they have a limp from a hip injury.  It's there, the end.  For me to differentiate between a rational thought and an irrational thought, I would have to say, "The statement that is about to exit my mouth is an irrational thought." 

Not all thoughts start out rationally.  Feelings and emotions don't usually follow reason or logic, and thoughts are often the nonverbal expression of these irrational ephemera (cool word, eh?).  But that's why we don't just spew our thoughts out into the wild without passing them through a filter.  And it's also why we don't act based on impulses and instincts (most times, anyway).  To do something without thinking rationally is kind of scary, when you think about it rationally. 

In the end, this experience left me feeling like an alien visiting a foreign planet, with Wendy as my interpreter. #psychology
Wrong answer Jan 6, 2009
Some people have a tendency to give wrong answers in casual conversation.  Not like
Person 1:  Who did you vote for?
Person 2:  John McCain.
Person 1:  Wrong answer!
More like
Person 1:  Hey, what's new?
Person 2:  Pretty good.
Person 1:  Wrong answer.
It usually happens because of a miscommunication or a misunderstanding.  But sometimes it's also because people get nervous in social situations.  For me, it only happens when I talk to specific people, who, for whatever reason, make me nervous.  I keep seeing this one guy in a social setting (I don't know how to make that sound less gay) and I keep saying the wrong things.  This was our most recent conversation: 
Guy:  Hey Dave, how was your holiday?
Me:  Hey, you too.
I thought he said, "Have a good holiday."  It was more of a conversation-in-passing, and once I realized my answer didn't match up with his question, it was too late to go back to him and say, "I misheard what you said.  My holiday was great.  How was yours?"  Sometimes you just need to give the wrong answer and move on. #psychology
Correcting misinformation (6) Dec 22, 2008
I have an unnatural and almost maniacal need to correct factually incorrect information.  Some of my family members witnessed this once again today as I replied to a forwarded email that contained misinformation.  It's not that I'm full of myself and so feel the need to always be right (though I am, in fact, full of myself; also, I'm always right).  And it's not that I'm a jerk who just needs to prove people wrong (though I am, in fact, a jerk; also, people are often wrong).  And it's also not that I like arguing or proving my point or getting everyone to adopt the same opinions as my own. 
[Image: xkcd386.png]
It's just that certain pieces of information are facts while other are not.  The sky is blue; the grass is green.  You can't argue with these pieces of information because they're facts.  They're not up for interpretation or for forming opinions about.  They are black and white facts.  So to allow misinformation to not only remain uncorrected but also continuing spreading, I feel like I'm doing a disservice.  I'm assisting in the spreading of misinformation. 

So this is why I often ashamedly respond to emails to tell people they're hoaxes.  Sorry, people, it's nothing personal.  Except that you're spreading lies.  Other than that, we're cool. #psychology
More long talkers Dec 16, 2008
Many moons ago, I wrote about the idea of the long talker:  A person who takes a long time to say a simple thing, often reiterating several points along the way, likely because they enjoy talking and/or like to hear themselves talk.  Two additions to that include the following: 
  1. Long story teller - A person who starts off with the statement, "I have a funny story about Thanksgiving," making you think, "Hey, I like funny things, and I like Thanksgiving; surely I'll like a funny story about Thanksgiving," only to leave listeners so incredibly overwhelmed by the vivid and meaningless details of the plot and setting ("It was raining outside.  Actually it started raining an hour after dinner.  Or was it already raining by dinner?  Either way that's not important.  It was after dinner.  Yeah.") that everyone loses interest until about 15 minutes into the story when some kind soul blurts out, "So what's your funny story?"
  2. Life story giver - This is the person who tells their life story on a regular basis.  This just happened to me last weekend.  I asked a guy a simple question about the church he went to, and he quite literally told me the entire story of his life, starting from when his father was 17.  You know it'll be a long one when it begins before the teller was even born.
A common occurrence when listening to long talkers is the thought of "How do I get this person to stop talking?"  I have to give the long story teller credit.  He/she knows how to command the attention of a group of people and not let go.  But with the life story giver, I had just finished a long day of helping someone move, and I just wanted to go home and relax.  I waited and waited for an opportunity to end the conversation, and when it was finally there, I took it and ran. #psychology
Fixing stuff (2) Dec 11, 2008
I had the pleasure of replacing the battery in Wendy's watch today.  It wasn't hard, but like anything that doesn't seem hard, there were a few bumps along the road.  After I finished removing the four microscopic screws, I promptly dropped one on the carpet under my desk, which couldn't have a busier color pattern.  I looked for a while but decided it would probably still work with only three.  I took the back cover off and figured out that it was nearly impossible to actually get the battery out.  I spent a few minutes trying different things while attempting to keep all the delicate, cheaply-made components intact.  After a few minutes, I gave up and used brute force (which wasn't much because it was a watch), breaking a little plastic piece that holds the battery in place.  I figured, eh, let's see what happens; it'll probably still go back together.  I went to Walmart to find a replacement battery, and there weren't any in the electronics section.  The jewelry department had them though, and $5 and two batteries later (they come in a double pack) I was in business.  I looked under my desk at work a few more times just in case I developed Superman vision, and lo and behold, I found the lost screw.  I put the new battery in the back, forced the cover in place, put all four screws back in, and it worked.  This sums up pretty much every experience I've ever had trying to fix things. #psychology
Stealing kids (3) Nov 13, 2008
As a married couple with plans to eventually have kids, Wendy and I sometimes think about stealing one that's already born, to save us the trouble of pregnancy and hospital bills and things like that.  The thought usually crosses our mind at places like churches, which are ripe with children.  We'll see one that's about one or two years old and say to each other, "We could just take this one.  Look, it already walks and says funny things.  We could just steal it and walk out, and I bet nobody would even notice."  So far we haven't gone through with any plans, but we're still looking. 

On a related note, Wendy helps out in the toddler room at church, where she persuades two-year-olds to not hit each other and to keep objects out of their mouths.  After the church service, parents show up to pick up their kids, and the process is similar to a puppy adoption at a pet store.  I join in the fun by saying things like, "I'll take that cute little one with the blond hair.  Ooh, and maybe that one with the overalls."  I try not to do this too soon after I've shaved my head so I don't appear to be too much of a psycho. #psychology
Always wanted to Nov 10, 2008
I remember a year or two ago when that girl Jordin Sparks won American Idol.  When asked how she felt about being in the finals, she said, "...it's something I always wanted to do..."  I remember thinking how stupid it sounded:  A 17-year-old, saying something dreamy about a competition that had only been around for a few years.  For one, I tend to discount teenagers who think they know what they want, or what they've always wanted.  Teenagers are idiots.  That's why high school sweethearts break up.  Second, I tend to discount people who say they've always wanted something when that something hasn't been around very long.  "I've always wanted to be an American Idol, ever since I first saw it on TV two years ago." 

I guess my argument is about semantics.  It's trivial, obviously, but that's how I am.  I think that in order to say something about always wanting to do something, it needs to at least cover 50% of your lifetime.  So if you're 17 and you've always wanted to win American Idol, you better have been thinking about it since you were 8 or 9, which isn't possible because that was 1998 and it wasn't invented yet.  Sometimes I think about some of my desires like having fewer neighbors or driving across country on a motorcycle and I'm tempted to think, "Well, I've always wanted that."  But it's not true at all.  I've really only wanted it for maybe a few years.  I mean, heck, I actually wanted the exact opposite just a few years before I started really wanting this.  Yes, it's a matter of semantics, but I think it helps show how fickle our interests are and how we shouldn't get so caught up in our flavor of the week. #psychology