M R ducks (5) Dec 30, 2005
My aunt Mary Jane mentions the "M R ducks" thing pretty frequently.  She says it's part of the Iowa Basic Skills Test, but it can be attributed to any dumb-sounding group. 

Original
M R ducks
M R not
O S A R
C M wangs?
L I B! M R ducks

M R snakes
M R not
O S A R
C M B D eyes?
L I B! M R snakes

M R mice
M R not
O S A R
C M E D B D feet?
L I B! M R mice

M R farmers
M R not
O S A R
C M M T pockets
L I B! M R farmers

M R puppies
M R not
O S A R
C M P N
L I B! M R puppies

Translation
Them are ducks
Them are not
Oh yes they are
See them wings?
Well I'll be!  Them are ducks

Them are snakes
Them are not
Oh yes they are
See them beady eyes?
Well I'll be!  Them are snakes

Them are mice
Them are not
Oh yes they are
See them itty bitty feet?
Well I'll be!  Them are mice

Them are farmers
Them are not
Oh yes they are
See them empty pockets?
Well I'll be!  Them are farmers

Them are puppies
Them are not
Oh yes they are
See them peeing?
Well I'll be!  Them are puppies
I found a new one while searching for this.  It's a conversation between two Swedes at a restaurant. 

Original
F U N E X?
S V F X
F U N E M?
S V F M
O K M N X!

Translation
Have you any eggs?
Yes, we have eggs
Have you any ham?
Yes, we have ham
Ok, ham and eggs!
#language
Ombudsman (1) Dec 29, 2005
I would say this could be a word of the day, but this is too important.  This is the word of the century.  Ombudsman - "A man who investigates complaints and mediates fair settlements, especially between aggrieved parties such as consumers or students and an institution or organization."  I found it while looking around a Canadian website.  At the bottom of the page, it had the typical "Contact Us", "Terms of Use", and "Privacy" links, but it also had a link to "Ombudsman".  Apparently this is an everyday word in Canada.  What a strange country. #language
Indian w (2) Dec 7, 2005
I secretly make fun of all Indian people by using "w" in place of "v", like in the word "wideo" [video] or "DWeeD" [DVD].  Other examples include Stewens [Stevens], Prowerbs [Proverbs] , and Wisa [Visa].  I guess it's not a secret anymore. #language
Swanksigns Nov 21, 2005
Swanksigns.org is a site "dedicated to the art of mocking public works".  It has pictures of a bunch of "odd and off-kilter street signs, which are just begging to be mocked".  I might have a few to add... #language
Engrish Nov 17, 2005
Engrish.com is a collection of "humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design."  I found one of these one time.

#language
Mispronounce Sep 20, 2005
Here's a list of the 100 most often mispronounced words and phrases in English.  Among my favorites are the US Army's "calvary" regiment (cavalry), discounting an idea by saying "irregardless" (regardless), and joining the "Klu" Klux Klan (Ku Klux Klan).  Of course nucular and foilage are on the list.  I would add the word "assume".  I've never heard a word that's more hideously butchered than this word.  Indians pronounce it "azzyume" and my Filipino co-worker pronounces it "azhyume".  I'm guessing it's a product of an ESL class that taught them to not say "ASSume". #language
Acronyms Sep 13, 2005
I propose that the world stops using acronyms.  They obviously cause more trouble than they're worth.  You can't use acronyms without explaining what they mean.  And if you always explain what they mean, there's no point in using them.  Plus, if you misuse acronyms, you shouldn't be allowed to use them.  I hear this junk all the time.  "We need new NSN numbers."  "Let's finish up that TDP package."  Sometimes I think my co-workers are intentionally misusing acronyms.  "Can you get a new PAN number?"  I don't even know what PAN stands for.  But I have a feeling the N stands for number. #language
English Jul 27, 2005
I went to the bank today and heard two women, a teller and a customer, trying to understand each other.  The teller had a German accent.  The customer had an Indian (of India) accent.  To make things even funnier, this was happening not at the "International Bank" but at the "Bank of America".  I feel bad for people who have to learn English.  I'm glad I already know it.  When you try to explain American jokes to a foreigner, they don't understand.  I worked with an Army guy who used to joke around by saying, "Oh you're an engineer?  Choo choo!"  But when I tried to explain it to a Filipino woman, it got lost in translation.  This same Filipino woman calls me on the phone and says, "Hey Dave, how are you?"  Me:  "I'm good, how 'bout you?"  Her:  "Not much."  And it's not like it's a one-time thing.  It's every time.  I used to work with a guy from Guyana.  I used to say, "Hey Larry, what's up?"  Larry:  "Alright."  Every time.  Poor foreign people. #language
Completely wrong some more May 31, 2005
Following up on an earlier post, there's a term used at work called "NSN", which means National Stock Number.  My senior engineer says "NSN number", and it kills me.  He also uses the phrase "TDP package", which refers to a Tech Data Package package. #language
Completely wrong (1) Mar 23, 2005
After I look at the viewgraphs on my computer, I'll Xerox® you a copy and use my Rollerblades® to bring it to you. On the way, I have to stop at the ATM machine and enter my PIN number. I hope I don't pass any nucular power plants because I'll have to clean out my ears with Q-Tips® and patch up my wounds with a Band-Aid®. I also need to check my Palm Pilot® to see if this will all fit in my schedule. On the way, I'll listen to my Walkman® and wipe my nose with a Kleenex®. This will be the best thing for you and I.

How many stupid mistakes can you find? #language