Slutty costume ideas Oct 31, 2010
If you're a female and you've used up all your current ideas for slutty Halloween costumes, here are a few more: 
  1. Slutty Big Bird
  2. Slutty alien
  3. Slutty hobo
  4. Slutty tree
  5. Slutty grandma
  6. Slutty pig
  7. Slutty amputee
  8. Slutty slut
America, you're welcome. #sociology
ESPN commercials Oct 30, 2010
ESPN plays a lot of self-promoting commercials, which isn't normally a good thing (e.g. "60 Minutes will play in its entirety directly following the football game" -- who cares?), but they do it in a way that doesn't actually advertise anything, which is a good thing.  In other words, they exist solely for entertainment, though I suppose they communicate the vague notion that since ESPN makes funny commercials, they're a TV channel that's worth watching.  Either way, it works, both in the sense that their commercials are entertaining, and that since they're entertaining, I want to watch more ESPN. #entertainment
Swipe-free credit card Oct 29, 2010
My credit card company sent me a thing in the mail that works the same as a credit card except you don't have to swipe it.  Instead you just wave it in front of a magnetic or infrared reader.  And it's tiny so it fits on your keychain, or it can come with an adhesive back so you can stick it to your cell phone.  The problem is that this method of payment isn't accepted everywhere, i.e. merchants have to buy a special swipe-free credit card reader, and it's not nearly as ubiquitous as a traditional credit card reader.  So while it's convenient because you don't always have to bring your wallet with you, you have to know whether or not a store accepts swipe-free payments, which means you're better off bringing your wallet with you just in case, which makes the swipe-free payment tag completely useless. #money
Different values (1) Oct 29, 2010
Sometimes I learn things that blow my mind.  Such was the case a while ago when Wendy told me that not everyone thinks rationally.  How an irrationally-thinking person doesn't irrationally decide to jump off a building to attempt human flight or go on a killing spree just for fun, I may never understand.  Rational thought generally prohibits these actions; irrational thought, I would presume, might make them sound attractive. 

As we were waiting at the gas pump the other day, I watched a guy in a little car pull into a parking space where he had plenty of room on either side and he had all the time in the world to do it right, but he totally pulled in crooked and over one of the lines.  I laughed at how much of an idiot he was, but Wendy simply said, "Not everyone values parking straight."  That almost made my head pop, though not because of anger.  It's because I'd never thought of the fact that different people have different values, even with seemingly universal things like parking straight.  Maybe some people don't value getting all their waste products in the toilet, hence why public bathrooms are so disgusting.  Maybe some people don't value not smelling bad, which is why they eat onions and garlic and don't wear deodorant.  Maybe there's a fairly simple reason for a lot of the things that piss me off, and aside from the obvious "you can't control what other people do, so stop trying," it's largely because not everyone is exactly like me.  This is probably something I should've learned in kindergarten. #psychology
Flying mattress (2) Oct 25, 2010
I helped one of my friends move last week.  After lugging his giant king-sized mattress down two flights of stairs and loading it onto the back of his pickup truck, we decided it didn't need to be tied down because it was so heavy.  This was our first mistake.  The internet says it weighs somewhere between 120 and 150 lbs, but I wouldn't have been surprised if it weighed ten times that amount.  It was stupid heavy.  And bulky.  And being somewhat of an expert regarding the flight of physical objects (they say I'm an "aerospace engineer," whatever that means), I decided that unlike a rigid airplane wing, this skinny, flat object would bend and flex way before it became airborne.  This was our second mistake.  So I got in the chase car and happily watched this mattress bend and flex in the back of my friend's truck, feeling satisfied it wouldn't bounce anywhere.  This was our third mistake.  It's true, it didn't bounce out of the truck.  It just so happened that this was one of the windiest days we've had in a while.  So while we drove along on a fairly slow road, the mattress caught a gust of wind and did the impossible, achieving liftoff and flying into the adjacent lane of oncoming traffic, where it was hit by an SUV.  We pulled our vehicles over and spent the next several minutes unraveling the mattress cover from the SUV's wheel well and assessing the damage.  Thankfully, this giant flying mattress only caused a little body damage to this SUV, and no humans were harmed in the making of this stunt.  We apologized to the driver of the SUV, who will probably win the award of being one of the most chill people ever, as he said, "Eh, it happens."  No sir, king-sized mattresses do not in fact fly out of the beds of pickup trucks and land in the road in front of your vehicle, almost killing you and causing a major accident.  Note to future humans:  Despite what you may believe about physics and common sense, 150-lb mattresses can fly. #entertainment
Working on the right thing Oct 22, 2010
I like this quote by Flickr co-founder Caterina Fake:  "Working on the right thing is probably more important than working hard."  I would take out the "probably."  I often interact with people who expend a lot of energy and time working on things, and their results are often underwhelming.  It seems that the people who work smartly often get things done quicker and with less effort. #business
Cablevision vs. Fox Oct 20, 2010
I awoke this past Sunday morning to find out that my cable provider, Cablevision, was having a slap fight with Fox, and as a consequence, had dropped all programming from this major content producer, including that afternoon's Giants football game, the previous night's NLCS baseball game, and shows I enjoy like House and Fringe.  The story goes something like this:  Fox said, "Give us more money, losers," and Cablevision said, "We're totally unfriending you," and now Congress or the FCC or somebody is trying to step in and fix things.  As Wendy said, it's like parents fighting and taking it out on the kids.  Personally, I hope both companies go out of business and lose all their money and are forced to give me free cable for a year. #entertainment
Wait Wait laughs Oct 20, 2010
I've never heard a more annoying series of human laughs than on NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.  Regular panelist Charlie Pierce sounds like one of those Muppets that sits in the balcony and heckles everything and everyone, Kyrie O'Connor sounds like she barely has the ability to get through a few seconds of laughter, and Amy Dickinson sounds like a chipmunk.  I'm not here to tell anybody how they should or shouldn't laugh, but seeing as how this is radio and the only physical sense I'm using while listening is my sense of hearing, it's hard for me to ignore things that are un-ignorable.  The least they could do is turn down the volume on the mics for panelists whose laughter makes my skin crawl. #entertainment
Fat vs. fats Oct 14, 2010
There's some confusion regarding good fats and bad fats, like "What's the difference?" and "Why the hell are we just learning about this now?".  I would say the confusion lies primarily in the wording.  We all know, from celebrities and teenagers and other perfect role models, that "fat" is a bad word.  And since "fat" is something that's also found in food, we've learned to assume that food containing "fat" is bad.  But "fat" the description and "fat" the food compound are completely different things, almost to the point of being unrelated.  WebMD puts it nicely:  "You can get fat eating carbs and protein, even if you eat little dietary fat."  In other words, body fat is caused by eating excess calories, and calories come from fat, carbs, protein, and other food chemicals.  I vote we start using the scientific word for dietary fat:  Lipids. #health
Chubby doctor (2) Oct 14, 2010
My doctor is a little chubby, and at a recent visit he was giving me advice about diet and exercise.  That's kind of like a dentist with bad teeth, or a chiropractor with a bad back.  I might've listened more if he started with a disclaimer, something like, "The following advice is medically sound, though admittedly hasn't been followed by yours truly." #health