I sometimes go to this semi-new-age church called Liquid.  I don't like the term new-age because it has a negative connotation.  But this church is new-age in that it has young pastors, loud music, flashing lights, and flat-screen TVs.  After choosing the name Liquid, they seem to have followed the pattern of naming everything after a property or type of liquid.  The middle school youth group is called Surge, and the high school one is called Flood.  If I was in charge, I would expand upon this naming convention for the following groups and churchy things: 

• Ocean - Sunday church service
• Pond - small groups
• Squirt - nursery
• Trickle - old people ministry
• Splash - baptisms
• Evaporation - worship (as in giving back to God)
• Spit - answered prayer (as in God giving back to us)
• Drip - tithes and offerings (as in adding to the ocean)

Other words that could fit the naming convention:  Sprinkle, spillover, wash, puddle, river, flow, spout, droplet, wave, tide, crest, ebb, and undertow.  I could do this all day. #religion

The Fox TV show Hole in the Wall, where people contort their bodies to fit through a hole in a moving wall, is such a ridiculous idea for a standalone TV show.  It's actually really funny and enjoyable to watch, but the fact that it's an entire show by itself is amazing.  It would make a lot more sense if it was a single part of a much larger ridiculous game show.  When a commercial advertising the show came on the other day, Wendy noted that it would be a hundred times better if the people had to fall vertically through the hole instead of passing horizontally.  I had to agree. #entertainment

Every time I go to my local supermarket, I go through the self-checkout line, partially to avoid interacting with the teenager mishandling my groceries, and partially because I really like to do things myself.  But, for whatever reason, the listless people formerly utilized as checkout people (and now utilized for nothing) feel the need to bag my groceries for me as they travel down the conveyor belt.  I could understand if my checkout speed caused a line to build up behind me, or if the store was crowded and needed to move people through as fast as possible.  But my local supermarket is never busy nor crowded.  It's always empty.  There's never another soul in line behind me.  So I don't understand the concept of a clerk bagging groceries in the self-checkout line.  It's a self-checkout line.  Obviously the people using it don't want help or they'd go to a non-self-checkout line. #business

Sometimes satirical news website The Onion seems to be stealing thoughts from my brain and listening in on conversations in my home.  This one from yesterday (Poll: 85% Of Americans Would Like To See Candidates Compete In Funny Obstacle Course) was something I sort of wrote about two years ago (and I still fully stand by).  This one from today (Tony Womo Out Three To Four Weeks With Bwoken Widdle Fingey) was almost a direct transcription of a conversation I had with Wendy the other day.  Isn't it weird when art imitates life? #entertainment

The term "unseasonably warm" is never a bad thing.  A "heat wave" is a bad thing.  But "unseasonably warm" is different.  It's always such a pleasant surprise, as in, "It's unseasonably warm today.  I think I'll leave work early so I can enjoy it." #nature

The Consumerist has a great article about all the stuff that goes into the cost of gas.  The price of gas often has nothing to do with the cost of gas.  Oh, and remember when we all thought we were being gouged by $5/gallon gas?  The gouging actually happens as the price goes down, which is now.  "[Price] gouging occurs when dealers keep prices artificially high in order to gain a little extra profit or recoup costs..."  Isn't that nice? #money

From the internets: 
Sprinkles on poop doesn't change the fact that it's poop. #food

In establishments where valet parking is mandatory, I enjoy giving the parking attendants no tip.  It makes me feel like I'm doing something to fix the system.  The way I see it, I'm perfectly capable of parking my own damn car.  In fact, I do so quite often.  In fact part deux, I'm relatively good at it (except when I scrape my hubcaps on a curb, which just happened last week).  Either way, I believe I'm better than a bunch of strangers hurriedly trying to pack unfamiliar cars into tighter spaces than what they were designed for.  By not tipping, I'm probably costing people their jobs, which in effect will eventually force the establishment to do away with valet parking, seeing as how none of their employees are making any money. 

Or they'll just start charging for it, at which point I will opt out of attending any event at their establishment.  Either way I win, because I always win. #business

This apparently isn't new news, but Nexcare makes duct tape bandages. 
Never has being maimed looked so cool.  (via Boing Boing) #products

Repetition almost always removes meaning.  Whether it's saying the same prayer day in and day out, using the same buzz words in everything you say, or copying and pasting the same text into the bottom of every email.  Seeing it and hearing it over and over subtracts from its meaning. #psychology