Pharmacists (2) Oct 31, 2007
Why do pharmacists need to go to school for 6-8 years?  All they do is hand out pills.  You can train a monkey to do that.  I've heard the argument that pharmacists figure out if any new medications will react negatively with ones that are currently being taken.  You can train a monkey to do that too.  The only conceivable reason I can come up with for the existence of pharmacists is that they're older than both monkeys and minimum-wage-earning teenagers, so they're less likely to be bribed or talked into giving away the wrong drugs to the wrong person.  So basically, pharmacists exist because we need mature people to hand out our medication. #health
Mold (1) Oct 31, 2007
This is a picture of what I would assume to be mold, which is what apparently grows in plastic jugs of juice when left at room temperature for two weeks.  The "thing" is about two inches across, closely resembles a flower petal, and has the consistency of a carpet.  I hope it's not poisonous; I was thirsty (kidding). 

#food
Halloween sluts (1) Oct 31, 2007
I like (and by like, I mean hate) how all Halloween costumes for girls consist of a standard noun preceded by the word "slutty".  We've moved on from Slutty Nurse and Slutty Maid to things that don't even make sense, like Slutty Hobo and Slutty Witch.  Today at ShopRite I saw a Slutty Pumpkin, a Slutty Farm Girl, and some other slutty thing I couldn't identify.  It would be one thing if I was a normal guy and wanted to see those things.  But I'm not normal.  I don't like seeing 16-year-old girls in skimpy clothes. 

I hope my offspring are male. #sociology
Fast and easy Oct 30, 2007
The inside of my plane ticket holder said this: 
[Image: fasteasy.png]
Shame on you, Continental. #entertainment
ESPN websites Oct 30, 2007
I've noticed lately that ESPN's websites are, quite simply, great.  The one I have the most experience with is their Fantasy Football site, which is designed in such a way that it makes me feel like I'm paying money to use it, though I'm not.  It's a combination of the easy-to-read layout, the lack of obtrusive ads, the simple yet powerful functionality, and the cruft-free URLs (I have a thing for that).  I'm consistently surprised that they offer this stuff for free, and I'd like to shake the hands of the members of the web design department and say, "Thanks for not being someone like Yahoo or Weather.com, who treat me like a criminal trying to access their proprietary information." 

The same is true about their mobile site.  To be honest, there's an ad at the top of every page.  But for whatever reason, I find it incredibly easy to ignore.  Other than the ad, the site just has simple and to-the-point content.  Sports scores.  Team profiles.  Play by play. 

It seems like ESPN is providing a service out of their own good will, not running a website for profit.  I know they must make some amount of money from this, otherwise they would discontinue it.  But the simplicity and usability of their websites makes me feel I'm getting something for free, which is unusual these days.  Kudos, ESPN. #technology
Televised sports on the west coast Oct 30, 2007
I spent some time in Arizona last week, and the best part about it was their televised sports schedule.  Monday Night Football started at 5:30pm!  That's dinner time!  It ended at around 8:30!  I stayed up until the end of the game, and I wasn't tired the next day.  What a concept. 

It was the same for all nighttime sports, including the World Series and Thursday night college football.  It was truly amazing to be able to watch an entire night game without having to plan my life around it. 

I live on the east coast, as does every person I know and have ever known.  I have no concept of what people from other time zones do.  My experience in Pacific Standard Time was truly eye-opening. #entertainment
Catch the ball Oct 29, 2007
It's my personal opinion that wide receivers should catch the ball if it hits their hands.  I don't care how high they have to jump or how far they have to dive.  If the ball touches their hands, they should be able to catch it.  They play football for money.  Besides some mediocre blocking, all they do is catch passes.  Catch the friggin ball. #sports
Girly boy names (5) Oct 29, 2007
The following boy names should only be used for girls: 
  1. Sandy
  2. Kerry
  3. Shannon
  4. Fran
  5. Stacy (my sister's name)
  6. Dana (my other sister's name)
#sociology
Inflatable lawn decorations (1) Oct 29, 2007
I don't fill my lawn with inflatable Halloween and Christmas decorations.  It's mainly because they're hideously ugly, but it's also because I'm a lazy decorator. 

However, a lot of people disagree with me about this, which is why a lot of people's lawns are filled with inflatable lawn decorations.  Or, more accurately, their lawns are filled with deflated inflatable lawn decorations.  So not only do their lawns took ridiculous because they're filled with $150 pieces of gaudy air-filled plastic, their lawns look ridiculous because they're filled with $150 piles of gaudy plastic. 

I personally believe it should be a civic responsibility to keep these decorations inflated.  If you went to the trouble of buying it and setting it up, you should continue to go through the trouble of making sure it's inflated and making sure it's still standing upright.  If you can't fulfill your end of the bargain, your inflatable lawn decorations buying privileges should be revoked. 

I'd be willing to cut some slack based on manufacturing defects and simple laws of physics.  If your inflatable decoration has a slow leak, that's not necessarily your fault.  So if it's deflated by the end of the day, I'll let that slide, assuming you fill it up sometime within a 24-hour period.  Concerning physics, cold air takes up less volume than warm air, so it's not too surprising to see a bunch of deflated lawn ornaments on the way to work after a cold night.  But since this part of physics is pretty easy to understand (or at least easy to observe), there's no reason why the decorations shouldn't be re-inflated within a 24-hour period of deflating. #psychology
Wing it Oct 25, 2007
Co-worker 1:  We'll get some wings at the hotel's happy hour. 
Co-worker 2:  Then we can go to Buffalo Wild Wings for some more wings. 
Co-worker 1:  It's a wing-wing situation. #language
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