With headlines like this: 

Woman sues after slipping on vomit at Wal-Mart

... the news just writes itself. 

Top 5 best things to appear on ESPN: 

1. Professional Arm Wrestling Championships
2. World's Strongest Man Competition
3. Stihl Timbersports Series
4. Scripps National Spelling Bee
5. Game 2 of the 1983 ALCS

When I used to drink a lot of beer, I earned the nickname "walnut" for my supposedly minuscule bladder.  But people who know me know that my small bladder isn't only active when I'm at a bar; it's active all the time.  I don't know what the deal is, but I'm a frequent visitor to the bathroom.  I attribute it to my impeccable health, seeing that my body quickly and efficiently processes liquids and gets rid of them.  Hey, whatever. 

Since I'm in the bathroom a lot, I've noticed a weird pattern:  I always see the same people.  I work near about 30 people, 28 of which are men.  Every time I go to the bathroom, I either see (a) my boss, (b) the Asian guy, or (c) a guy from the other end of the hall.  What's the deal?  I guess it can be assumed these people all have the same size bladder as me.  But what about all the other people?  When do they go to the bathroom?  Why have I never seen certain people in there?  Don't the laws of physics and biology guarantee that I should see each person in the bathroom at least once or twice?  It's not that I like greeting people in the bathroom.  In fact, I hate it.  It's just that I think it's weird that not only do I never see certain people in the bathroom, I keep seeing the same ones at the exact moment I happen to go in there.  Apparently, we're all on the same schedule. 

Two spiders were found living inside a 9-year-old boy's ear, causing him an earache and a doctor visit.  The same thing happened to a British machinist, a 36-year-old woman from Wales, and a 33-year-old woman from Greece.  (via News of the Weird)  Thanks for the new irrational yet plausible fear. 

I've noticed several gas stations pop up in my area lately, and I don't quite understand what's going on.  I've seen little places like Delta and A-1 in the past, and I can conclude by their low prices, lack of pay-at-the-pump, and poor physical layout that they're locally owned and operated and have nothing to do with any of the major oil companies.  But just recently, two separate companies have done things a little differently.  A place called "Snono" took over a station that was previously run by Mobil.  It kept all the same colors and basically looks like somebody made a misprint ("Snono" doesn't exactly feel like a familiar word).  Other than that, it looks like a legitimate gas station, and it would make sense if it had ties to a larger company like ExxonMobil.  In another area, a station called "Woroco" appeared where a gas station had been previously but had shut down* several months ago.  It seems Woroco is a NJ-area oil company with colors strikingly similar to Texaco's, but as far as I can tell, there's no affiliation.  I just think it's weird that an unknown company can come into an area, build a huge gas station or take over an existing one, and sell gas without going through one of the big guys. 

*On a separate note, how can a gas station possibly shut down?  If you have a product everyone wants, you overcharge for it, and you're in a high-traffic area that's easy to see and find, how can you possibly not make a profit? 

There exists a certain class of people who go out to the parking lot during their lunch break for the sole purpose of moving their car to a better/closer parking spot.  These people are scum.  I'll admit I have a habit of choosing the closest parking spot possible, as I'm sure any normal competitive person does.  But I can also admit that I've never gone out to the parking lot at a time when many people would likely not be there, simply to move my car into their coveted parking spot.  These people should be locked up and beaten. 

I think it's at least mildly funny that I pay exactly zero dollars and zero cents ($0.00) for my web-based email and I get something close to 100% uptime and reliability, while my employer pays a ton of money to buy expensive equipment and employ countless people to monitor and upgrade it, thus causing constant downtime and pitiful reliability.  This is not to mention the utter inaccessibility of my work email in the name of security and the almost laughable amount of storage space (50MB).  It ain't quite right. 

Similar to world fatness, here are some rankings for world innovation based on number of patents, technical skills of a country's workforce, and the quality of its telecommunications and information technology infrastructure. 

1. Japan
2. Switzerland
3. U.S.
4. Sweden
5. Finland
6. Germany
7. Denmark
8. Taiwan
9. Netherlands
10. Israel
11. Austria
12. France
13. Canada
14. Belgium
15. South Korea

Of these 15 countries, only 3 (Switzerland, Taiwan, and Israel) aren't among the top 27 fattest countries in the world.  The obvious conclusion:  Innovation breeds obesity. 

Have you ever lifted up your cat's lips to check out their teeth? 

I have.  I do it all the time.  I'm amazed at those tiny little teeth in the middle that can't possibly serve a purpose.  The big fangs are for biting (me).  The molars are for chewing stuff.  The little ones in the front?  Useless.  You'd think evolution would have taken care of something like that.  Take a closer look: 

What we do to our animals, we also do to our kids.  This is my nephew Nathan.  His mom had the same fascination with his teeth. 

Fortunately for him, his little teeth will grow, fall out, and newer, bigger ones will grow in their place.  Unfortunately for him, grownups take pictures like this and post them on the internet for the entire world to see. 

For some reason, tires on the cars I drive don't do too well.  I hit curbs.  I generate 60,000 miles of wear in 10,000 miles.  And apparently, I do something to cause slow leaks.  I'm not sure what the problem is, but I keep getting a slow leak in my right rear tire.  My current tires aren't worn enough to warrant the phenomenally large purchase of new ones.  And I can't get a single new one because it'll cause uneven wear. 

That's where my newest best friend comes into play:  Ultra Instant Tire Inflator Sealer.  This product simply sprays some glue-like substance into your tire, thus patching any holes from the inside.  It's easy to use and works well.  No more leaky tire problems.