Paper towel dispenser Mar 9, 2006
Back when our cats used to be little kittens, they used to unroll the entire roll of toilet paper for fun.  They'd stand up on their back legs and use their dagger-like claws to pull at the piece that was hanging over.  One thing led to another, and the whole entire roll would be on the floor.  Bless their little hearts. 

Wendy seems to have a similar problem with paper towels.  I'll walk into the kitchen and notice that the paper towel roll is slightly (or mostly) unrolled, almost like a cat was having some fun.  So I'll roll it back up because I'm anal like that.  Then I'll come back 5 minutes later and notice the same thing.  And then I watch Wendy try to get a paper towel.  She unrolls a little, then yanks as hard as she can.  Then she gets mad. 

The solution to all this is the Point and Cut No-Touch Paper Towel Dispenser and Cutter.  For the low-low price of $299 (plus $37.90 for shipping), you can get a state-of-the-art, automated paper towel dispenser.  It works by putting your hand over an infrared sensor to the right of the machine, moving your hand towards the left in a "cutting" motion, then taking your customized length of paper towel.  It's kind of like those automatic paper towel dispensers in nice bathrooms, except cripplingly expensive. 

(via Strange New Products) #technology
Proven Mar 9, 2006
"Proven" is actually a real word.  It's the past tense of the word "prove".  For some reason, Mr. Google Toolbar doesn't think it is.  Every time I spell check one of my posts, it reminds me of this.  But Mr. Free Dictionary says it's a word.  It sounds right in my head, so I'm gonna continue using it. #language
Retirement Mar 8, 2006
I work with a lot of old people who are all on the brink of retirement.  I've noticed that there are 3 different ways people look at retirement. 

1.  "I can't wait to get out of here."  This is the mentality I think would best describe me in 30-70 years.  It's the same feeling as graduation:  I'm ready to be done with this; I want to move on. 

2.  "I won't be gone long."  A lot of people at my job come back as contractors/consultants.  They get to collect their big fat pension checks while simultaneously getting paid more money as a contractor.  These are the people that aren't yet ready to give up on working. 

3.  "What am I gonna do with all this time?"  These are the people I don't understand.  They've been working for so long that they can't fathom not working.  What a sad mindset.  I don't envision myself having this same mindset. #business
Planned posting (2) Mar 8, 2006
I've noticed recently that planned posting doesn't usually work as well as stream-of-consciousness.  Planned posting is a term I coined 4 seconds ago that refers to the act of thinking of something to write about, writing myself a quick little note as a reminder, then writing about it when I have some free time.  It usually happens like this:  I'll be watching TV at night and I'll get annoyed at something, so I'll write myself a little note about it and plan on writing about it when I have some time at work.  But when I get to work 12 hours later, I'm no longer in the same mood and I don't have the same feelings concerning the topic I wanted to write about.  So I'll put it off for a few weeks then write some stupid thing about it just to get it off my to-do list, or I just won't write about it at all. 

Some of my "best posts" happen out of the blue.  I'll be doing some work and something will happen that makes me want to complain a little bit.  Or I'll think of something randomly and write some huge, life-changing post about it.  It's basically like stream-of-consciousness writing, which (as I understand it) is just a flow of words and thoughts without anything necessarily linking them together.  But my stuff is usually somewhat coherent and mildly linked together, so I have that going for me. #psychology
Loud walkers Mar 8, 2006
Some people can be classified as loud walkers:  They walk so loud, you can hear them coming from a mile away.  I work with several loud walkers.  There's a woman who works in the office next to me who wears heels every day (yes, every single day).  I have no idea what these heels look like or how big they are or where she got them.  I'm not observant; I've never seen them.  But I know what they sound like.  I always know when she's walking by, and I can hear her all the way down the hall.  She used to be my semi-boss, so I learned to dread that sound.  Now, whenever I hear her, my heart starts beating harder and I have to remind myself that she's not coming to boss me around anymore. 

Sometimes men wear shoes that sound like women's heels.  That's always weird.  I'll hear the "click-clock" of heels on a hard floor, but the sound is coming from a man.  That doesn't make sense in my head, so I usually just collapse on the ground and convulse.  My brain can't handle that type of input. 

Unfortunately, I might be a loud walker too.  It's not because I wear heel-like shoes.  It's because my shoes squeak.  I try to keep them quiet, but it's just too much effort.  But hey, at least I don't have heels.  Buncha nancies. 

Collection of other Seinfeld-esque terms for people:  Loud gum-chewers, weird noise maker, long talker, loud breather #psychology
1and1 Mar 8, 2006
Last year, I registered a few domain names through 1and1.  The process was pretty easy and I was relatively pleased.  Since my registrations with 1and1 are about to cancel, they sent me an email that said, "Hey man, we took it upon ourselves to automatically renew your domain name because we know that's what you wanted.  You're welcome."  (paraphrased).  The thing is, I don't want to renew.  So I tried to navigate through 1and1's complicated system to try to figure out how to cancel the automatic renewal.  It would be too easy for them to make a big button that says, "Click here to cancel the automatic renewal", so I eventually ended up finding a link in some obscure FAQ:  http://cancel.1and1.com/.  Canceling was the easiest part of this whole process.  I just had to log in, select which domains to cancel and when to cancel them, and that was it. 

Since registering with 1and1, I found out that Yahoo registers domain names as well, and they do it cheaper and easier.  One point for Yahoo. #technology
Root beer Mar 7, 2006
Back when I was about 7, my favorite meal was pizza and root beer.  Not much has changed in 16 years.  I still like pizza, though maybe not as much as when I was 7.  But I'm definitely still a huge fan of root beer.  Barq's is obviously the best there is.  Its claim of "Barq's has bite" is completely true.  It does in fact have bite.  I wonder what that is?  It's probably a nearly-toxic combination of harsh chemicals.  Whatever; I like it.  A&W is like the Bud Light of root beers:  It's simple, cheap, readily available, and not the best.  But hey, sometimes it's all ya got.  I think some of the generic brands are better than A&W.  But you never really know what you're gonna get.  One thing you can count on:  An unhealthy amount of sugar and some cancer causing toxins to give you that "lift" you so unhealthily desire. #food
Notepad2 (1) Mar 7, 2006
I wrote about TextPad a few months ago.  The one problem with TextPad is that it costs money.  You can still use it if you don't pay money, but you're reminded every time you start it up.  With that in mind, I started looking at other text editors.  I found a free one that seemed to get some good reviews:  PSPad.  It's pretty configurable and has some great functions, but it's kind of slow.  It takes a few seconds to start up, and when I want to view a tiny little text file, I don't want to wait a few seconds. 

Enter Notepad2.  I've been using it for a few weeks now.  It's a lot like Windows Notepad:  It's simple, small, and fast.  But unlike Windows Notepad, it has syntax highlighting and a few other goodies.  And it's open source, which means that people can edit it and do other cool things with it.  The one thing it's missing is system integration.  Never fear, Mr. Internet is here!  This link explains how to replace the Windows Notepad with Notepad2 (or really anything else).  This link explains how to add Notepad2 (or really anything else) to the right-click menu. #technology
Dish Network Mar 7, 2006
Last May/June, I decided to sign up for Dish Network because they sounded like they had a great deal:  60 channels for $19.99, with a 1- or 2-year commitment.  I decided to go with it when we moved into our new house instead of bringing the old cable box with us.  That's when the problems started. 

When we were moving into the new house, the guy came to set things up.  He went up on the roof and performed some tests to see how strong the signal was.  He determined that we would need to put the dish on a pole so that it could get a clear view of the sky.  So instead of having an unobtrusive little dish on our roof, we have an unobtrusive little dish on top of an 8-foot pole on our roof.  "Don't worry, you won't notice it."  He was right, you don't really notice it.  Except when you look up at the roof and see an 8-foot pole with a little dish on top of it.  It's hideous. 

When we sat on the couch to watch some TV, that's when the next problem became evident.  When changing channels, there's about a 3- to 5-second delay.  It's not that big of a deal unless channel surfing is your method of choice.  Like all digital TV providers, Dish has a channel guide that shows you what's on so you don't have to channel surf.  That's cool and all, but why is there such a long delay?  There's even a delay when you go to a channel from within the channel guide.  I looked it up and found a few links that talk about the same problem but offer no solution to it.  One person even said, "Are you people in that much of a hurry to get to the new channel?"  To that I say, "Yes, you idiot."  Another person offered the explanation that it takes a little time for the receiver to figure out which transponder to communicate with.  That's all fine and dandy, but I want a solution, not an explanation. 

After about 3 months of Dish service, the bill suddenly changed from $19.99 to $31.99.  I think I called their tech support, and somebody told me that the low price lasted for the first 3 months, after which it jumped up to the normal price.  I looked through my papers and emails and tried to find the thing that I thought said that the low price lasted for a whole year.  I couldn't find it, so I'm still stuck in this prison they call a 1-year agreement.  Some may argue that $31.99 is cheap for any kind of TV service.  I agree.  But it's not $19.99, which is what I thought I was getting myself into.  Now we don't even have enough money to clean our Bentley with silk cloth.  That's just not fair. 

But in the end, I'll probably stick with Dish in the future because I don't see a better alternative.  As soon as somebody comes out with TV a la carte, I'll be the first person to sign up.  Plus, the damage is already done:  I've been paying the normal price for several months now; I've gotten used to the channel changing delay; and that big ugly pole on our roof really isn't that noticeable (until you look at it and can't believe you didn't notice it before).  The other solution is to get rid of TV altogether, which is definitely a viable alternative. #entertainment
Referrer spam (1) Mar 7, 2006
I tried using WP-ShortStat in the past, but stopped because I was getting tons and tons of referrer/referral spam, and all this spam was filling up my database.  I looked into it and found a way to reject referrer spam by using .htaccess.  I tried a few things out and it seems to be working great.  I'll be continually updating the keywords it uses to reject spam, but that's something that I'll probably be doing less and less over time. #technology