Runaway Wisconsin senators (2) Mar 14, 2011
Those Democratic senators from Wisconsin, who fled the state for three weeks to prevent the passage of a law regarding collective bargain rights, have returned to their posts (where the whole reason they left was completely nullified by the successful passing of the law they were trying to prevent).  I don't pretend to completely understand what's going on with that whole situation, but I can't help ignoring one simple fact:  In any other job in any other industry in any other place on earth, if you didn't show up to work, you'd get fired.  Why that didn't happen in this case probably has something to do with why the subject of politics is so unattractive to people like me. #politics
Secret Service and identity theft Mar 8, 2011
Something I just learned recently from a person who's in the situation (and also a Ripley's comic):  The United States Secret Service, in addition to protecting the president and other dignitaries, is also the federal agency that investigates identity theft and other types of financial fraud. #politics
Obama is a cactus Sep 22, 2010
This just in: 
According to a poll released Tuesday, nearly 20 percent of U.S. citizens now believe Barack Obama is a cactus, the most Americans to identify the president as a water-retaining desert plant since he took office.

According to the poll, Obama has lost favor among many voters who supported his candidacy in 2008 but have since come to doubt he is a mammal.
Change one word in this story, and it becomes true. #politics
Politicization Oct 14, 2009
It's a shame that certain issues end up becoming politicized.  Like global warming.  I wonder if this topic would've become as polarizing if Al Gore wasn't its spokesperson.  What if it was Oprah instead?  Would we pay attention and treat it like a real thing?  Only if she hid prizes under our seats, I suppose. 

And, related but unrelated, why must we focus on the actions of the spokesperson?  Yes, Al Gore flies around the country in his jumbo jet, burning tons of carbon-based fuel so he can spread the message of the effects of carbon-based fuels on the environment.  In that respect, he's a hypocrite.  But that's beside the point.  Regardless of whether or not he follows his own advice, he's still making a valid point.  It sucks that everything comes down to political affiliation and finger-pointing. #politics
Congressional health care deadlock Aug 19, 2009
This just in: 
Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care

After months of committee meetings and hundreds of hours of heated debate, the United States Congress remained deadlocked this week over the best possible way to deny Americans health care.

"Both parties understand that the current system is broken," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters Monday. "But what we can't seem to agree upon is how to best keep it broken, while still ensuring that no elected official takes any political risk whatsoever. It’s a very complicated issue."

"Ultimately, though, it's our responsibility as lawmakers to put these differences aside and focus on refusing Americans the health care they deserve," Pelosi added.

The legislative stalemate largely stems from competing ideologies deeply rooted along party lines. Democrats want to create a government-run system for not providing health care, while Republicans say coverage is best denied by allowing private insurers to make it unaffordable for as many citizens as possible.
I guess if all else fails, they'll just yell "bailout!" and throw billions of dollars at the people who least deserve it. #politics
White representative Jul 6, 2009
I'd like to nominate myself for the position of Representative of All White People, equivalent to Al Sharpton's role for black people.  I would give generic public commentary on the actions and deaths of famous white people while incessantly pushing my own tired pet projects.  I think I could be good at that. #politics
Immigration Apr 9, 2009
As king, my immigration policy will be as follows: 
  1. To get in the country, you pay an entrance fee of $500.
  2. Once you're in the country, you have to get a job where you'll be paying taxes.
  3. Eliminate border patrol and immigration agents because they'll no longer be needed, but continue to pay them with the additional funds generated from (1) and (2) until they can find a new job.
It annoys me that the current system deports illegal immigrants if they're found out.  By doing that, our country is spending money on agents, spending money on deportation, and losing money they could've gotten from taxes.  It's a lose-lose-lose.  If we implemented my policy, it would be a win-win-win, and we wouldn't have to put any effort into it (win4) because people are literally knocking on our door to get in.  Plus, for every few thousand immigrants, there's likely to be at least a few entrepreneurs, who are exactly the sort of people who would create new jobs, which means more economic stimulation and more tax revenue.  Win6. #politics
Future president (1) Mar 17, 2009
I look forward to the day when our country is run by an attractive, unoffensive, relatively neutral, mentally stable, likable man or woman backed by the best minds in fields like economics, business, and science.  I picture a celebrity like Matt Damon or Oprah enlisting the help of Bill Gates, Michael Bloomberg, and Stephen Hawking.  The president him/herself would merely be a figurehead, capable of speaking well in public and looking good on camera.  The real brains of the operation would be the real brains of the operation.  I guess that's essentially how it's done now, but I still feel like we're forced to choose between a car without wheels and a car without a battery.  Can't we get a complete car?  (To be fair, this Obama fella isn't all that bad.)  Also, we often don't know the people behind the scenes, both because they're behind the scenes and because they're not famous people.  If Michael Bloomberg can generate billions of dollars and then run the city at the center of the universe, I think he should be in the oligarchy that runs the country.  And Oprah should be his spokeswoman. #politics
Obama the lefty (8) Jan 27, 2009
Wendy, on seeing President Obama write: 
"Ugh, he's a lefty?"
It's funny because people who write left-handed are weird. 

(This post will not accept comments made in reference to Obama's political leanings.  Aim a little higher.  That joke is too obvious.) #politics
Election playoffs (3) Jan 8, 2009
Wait, did I miss the election?  Aw, shoot.  Anyway, I think it would be cool if there was a playoff-like bracket system to determine the president.  It would be a series of smaller elections that would whittle down the candidates to a Sweet Sixteen, an Elite Eight, a Final Four, then a championship that we could all watch on primetime TV, sponsored by GM and Cialis.  That way we wouldn't end up being forced to choose the least worst of the goons that choose to run for president. #politics