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| Mustache (4) | Jul 6, 2006 |
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Mustaches are a questionable face decoration. And by "questionable", I mean "absolutely ridiculous". "Can't take you seriously." "What'd you say? I can't hear you through that stupid thing on your face." It's unfortunate that mustaches have made a bit of a comeback recently. Several A-list celebrities have gone around sporting these laughable facial hair creations. Even A-list bloggers (what does that mean exactly?) have done it. I work with a guy who went from a little scruff to a full-on mustache in a matter of days. What a disgrace. I can't look him in the eye. Certain people would look ridiculous without mustaches: Some fireman and police officers, most plumbers, guys named Mario or Luigi, any Italian restaurant owner/worker, my boss Vince, and Thommy's dad. For all I know, these people were born with mustaches, and they need to keep them until death (I wonder if God lets you grow a mustache in heaven?). But these people are the exception, not the rule. Every time I see Geraldo Rivera on TV, I can't watch him for more than a few seconds before I get the heebeejeebees. I mean, look at him. It's absurd. That mustache is a good 9 inches long horizontally. Can he fit that thing through doorways, or does he need to go sideways? And then there's Arnold Diaz (from CBS's Shame on You). The picture doesn't do it justice, but that mustache grows exponentially when he smiles. It's incredible. And by "incredible", I mean "frightening".   |
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| Brief thoughts on marriage | Jun 5, 2006 |
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I've been having a series of unrelated and incomplete thoughts lately. Here are a few about marriage: I mentioned recently that marriage is a one-time thing for me. I think that if I treated it as anything other than a one-time thing, I'd be going about it all wrong. I don't think a person can enter a "permanent" and/or "life-long" relationship with the idea in the back of their head that says, "Hey, if it doesn't work out, I'll just end it. I'll just move on; maybe find a new person." I don't think there should be an escape clause in marriage. Either you're in or your out. Otherwise, you shouldn't even be thinking about it. A prenuptial agreement? Ridiculous. I know it's meant to protect both parties and prevent financial ruin, but how can two people make a break-up agreement before they enter into such an important relationship? I'm sure some marriages have worked in spite of the pre-nup, but with that idea in the back of their minds, the two people always know they have a way out. I'm guessing that a lot of people who think about marriage think about it as a one-time thing. They envision their relationship lasting forever and surviving all kinds of problems and surprises. To think otherwise would be an admission of potential failure. Nobody wants to do that. I don't think anybody actually wants to get divorced. It's not really a desirable thing to do. So I don't really think I'm a revolutionary thinker in this matter. [End of incomplete thought #1] My other thought on marriage is that moving in together is a bigger commitment/change/struggle than getting married. And I think it's because of the volatile nature of it all. In a dating relationship, the other person can leave at will. They hardly even need a reason. In marriage, it's usually a little more involved. You made a legal commitment in front of God, family, and friends. Your bank account, credit score, credit cards, bills, possessions, and debts are joined together with another person. If a partner "just left", the other partner would track them down and The problem with these thoughts is that I'm a 24-year-old "kid" who's been married for less than 2 years. Who the heck am I to form opinions about such big things? But despite my lack of experience and wisdom in this area, I feel pretty strongly about my opinions. #lifestyle |
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| Stupid Old Navy shirts | Apr 13, 2006 |
| I buy most of my clothes from Walmart because that's just how I roll. The rest are from Old Navy. Old Navy has some good stuff, and most of it is pretty cheap. But I have one big complaint: I'm annoyed at all those shirts that say stuff on them, like the name of a state or an event. I consistently make the mistake of wearing these shirts around my family, and then I get questioned: "Oh, you went to Colorado? How did you like it?" No I didn't actually go to Colorado. It's just a stupid Old Navy shirt. "What's Franklin McCallister? Is that your high school?" No. I have no idea what it is or what it means. It's just a stupid Old Navy shirt. I guess I should think more before I buy clothes with writing. Or just not buy clothes with any writing at all. #lifestyle | |
| Comb over (1) | Mar 20, 2006 |
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One of the most hideous and ridiculous things that happens atop peoples' heads is the comb over. Wikipedia defines a comb over as "a hairstyle worn by bald or balding men where the hair on one side of the head is grown long and then combed over the bald area." Calling this atrocity a "hairstyle" is quite a stretch. It's more like a "joke" or a "mistake" or a "failure to admit baldness". Whenever I see a comb over, I'm tempted to have a little heart-to-heart with the perpetrator. "Hey man, listen. You're bald. Everyone knows it. You couldn't hide it if you spray-painted your head black. So just admit you're bald and move on. Lots of people are bald. Being bald doesn't make you any less of a man. Having a comb over makes you less of a man." I think it's oddly appropriate when a comb over goes horribly wrong. I saw a guy at a restaurant the other day who grew his hair out to about 8 inches long so that he could slick it over the top of his completely bald head. He looked ridiculous. And as the meal continued, part of the long stuff started to unstick from top of his head and dangle down the back. He looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. It was both funny and gross at the same time. I've already decided that I won't have a comb over when I go bald. On an interesting side note, the comb over was patented in 1977. #lifestyle |
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| Walmart clothes | Mar 13, 2006 |
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I'll go out on a limb here and admit the unthinkable; the thing that will destroy my ever-present, ever-cool image: I'm a huge fan of Walmart clothes. I would say about 75% of the clothes in my closet are from Walmart. I've bought clothes from the nicer stores and I've been satisfied. But in order for me to feel ok about wearing nice clothes, I have to get them at great prices. I got a bunch of shirts from J. Crew one time, but I got them from the clearance rack at a J. Crew outlet, so they were incredibly cheap. I also bought several pairs of Gap khakis, but they were on clearance too, so they were cheap. And not like 50% off $80. That's not a good deal. Yeah you're paying $40 for a pair of $80 pants, but you're still paying $40 for a pair of pants. Walmart clothes are always cheap. I've never paid more than $12 for a shirt. And they're good quality. I like my Walmart shirts better than my J. Crew shirts. And since Walmart makes clothes that attempt to fit in with current style, they blend in relatively well with everyone else. I never buy those stupid metrosexual striped shirts because I'm not that kind of person. I need bigger arms and more gel in my hair to wear shirts like that. I buy "business casual button-down" shirts. And Walmart is the place to go for stuff like that. #lifestyle |
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| Bear arms | Mar 10, 2006 |
| This picture shows a woman on the subway exercising her right to bear arms. (via Kottke) #lifestyle | |
| Relationship advice | Feb 14, 2006 |
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I ain't no genius. This can be evidenced by the fact that I misspelled the word "genius" [genious] on this site several times in the past (and have since gone back and corrected these misspellings). But I have a few recommendations for people in relationships. Guys: If you're thinking about getting engaged, keep this in mind: There's a stupid unwritten rule that says that the engagement ring should be worth about 3 months' salary. If you're cheap or don't care, don't worry about it. But if you want to follow the rule, get engaged when you have little to no income. That's what I did. I was in college, making about $50 a week at most. If I followed the rule, I would've gotten an engagement ring that cost about $600. If you've ever shopped for diamonds, you know that $600 would get you a 1/32 karat dirty yellow diamond with scratches on it. Engaged couples: Have a destination wedding. A destination wedding invitation goes something like this: "Hey, we're getting married on a beautiful, faraway island. You can come if you want, but we'll understand if you can't make it. We're registered at the following stores..." There are several awesome things about this. (1) Your honeymoon starts immediately after the wedding. No travel time required. (2) Your wedding will most likely be small because only a select few people will be able to afford (and will want to) travel to a faraway island. (3) You'll still get wedding gifts if you're registered somewhere. Gifts are normally received at the wedding shower, though there are a few at the actual wedding. The problem with this is that most of the gifts at the wedding are cold hard cash, so this is a drawback. (4) You probably won't have to plan too much because let's face it, how many DJs and caterers are on faraway islands? (5) You'll be on a faraway island. If you don't like islands, I've heard there are magical cities in the US with blinking lights and drive-thru wedding chapels. I'm not allowed to speak of these places because "what happens there, stays there". #lifestyle |
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| Hack | Jan 19, 2006 |
| The most important thing I've learned in the first 8 months of home ownership is how to be a total hack. It's not about fixing things; it's about solving problems. It's not about doing it right; it's about making it work. I re-learn this every time I try to "fix" something. I kept putting off installing a plywood wall because I thought it would be difficult or take a lot of time. It turns out that it was pretty easy. And I thought I would need to make straight cuts and have everything fit perfectly. It turns out that caulk is the solution to every problem. The second solution is trim/molding. The bottom line is that if it can be covered up, it doesn't need to be perfect. #lifestyle | |
| Engagement (2) | Dec 16, 2005 |
On December 15, 2003 at 12:49pm, David Hosier wrote:Hey Wendy, when you come over to play tomorrow, maybe we can go ice skating in central park. I know it'll be cold and we will have snots, but I think it'll be a good thing to say we did. Like, "Yeah I've been ice skating in central park..." Or maybe at Rockefeller Center.....?On December 15, 2003 at 12:50pm, Wendy Figner wrote: yay! that sounds like lots of fun. i will wear my wool socks : ) to keep my toes warm and, hopefully, avoid some blisters. how is everything going today? u can tell me about it tomorrow...if you like.The next day, December 16, we went ice skating in Central Park, and that's where we got engaged. Here's the story: It was September of my senior year in college, and I was thinking about "tha fyootcha". Wendy and I had been dating for almost 2 years, and I felt like marriage was the next step, so I decided to start looking for an engagement ring. We had walked into a few jewelry stores before and I had asked jokingly, "What kind of engagement ring do you want?" She gave me a semi-serious answer and we sort of laughed it off, but I remembered what she said. That was my plan all along. Eggzelent. So I went into a few jewelry stores looking for something I could afford. Then I realized I couldn't afford much, so I lowered my standards quite a bit. None of those 1 karat rocks. And none of those flawless stones. It had to be simple, yet tasteful. One Sunday, my dad was driving me back to school after a weekend at home, and I mentioned that I was looking at engagement rings. I wanted to see how he felt about the whole thing. He said I couldn't have found a better girl. I took that the right way, meaning that Wendy was good, not that I wasn't good enough to find anyone else. At least that's what I think he meant. In the middle of November, I made up my mind and decided to get a ring from a certain jewelry store. I decided on that store because they gave me the best financing offer. This was the first time I ever financed anything, and it was also my biggest purchase up to that point. I was scared to death of having this thing stolen, so I brought it with me during Thanksgiving break. I told my mom about it, and she leaked the information to some other family members. This put some more pressure on me to pop the question sooner, because secrets aren't meant to be kept. One time I was at a party and heard a guy talking about how he proposed. He took his girlfriend to her locker in their high school and got down on one knee. It was the place they first met. Now that's a memorable thing. So I knew I had to think of something cool, some sort of memorable experience, so that we could tell people about it for years to come. We had gone ice skating a few times before, and the most recent time, I talked to one of the managers of the rink and asked if it would be possible to clear the ice and play a song so I could propose to my girlfriend. They were opposed to the idea at first, but it was because they thought I meant I wanted to do it right then. I asked them if I could call them and set up a time on a specific night. They seemed ok with that, maybe even a little excited. This was at Mennen Arena in Morristown. I later decided against the Morristown ice rink in favor of a better location. One night in my dorm room, I opened my door to head to the library. There was a little piece of paper on the ground. I picked it up and figured out that it was a ticket to either an ice rink in Central Park or the one in Rockefeller Center. I can't remember. But this actually happened; I'm not making it up. This gave me the idea of looking at an ice rink in Central Park, so that's why I originally suggested it. Based on the email correspondence shown above, we planned on going ice skating in Central Park. So Wendy came over and we took a couple trains to the park. We skated around for a while, but it was pretty cold, so Wendy wanted to leave. I suggested that we leave after the Zamboni cleared the ice so that we could skate on the newly cleared ice. She reluctantly agreed. I went to go talk to one of the ice skating safety people about when the Zamboni would be clearing the ice. Actually, I went to talk to him about my plan. I told him I was planning on proposing to my girlfriend that day and asked him what he could do. He was very receptive and said he could let us go out on the ice right after the Zamboni cleared the ice, before everybody else could. I agreed to that and went back to skating with Wendy. The time came and we sat around as the Zamboni cleared the ice. My heart was beating hard and I could feel my pulse in my throat. Just when it looked like they were ready to let people back on the ice, the safety guy came over to me and motioned us to come onto the ice. Wendy was confused. We skated out onto the center of the ice and I took Wendy's hand and told her that she was special (this was a stall tactic). Then I fumbled down onto one knee, pulled the ring out of my pocket, and asked, "Will you marry me?" I struggled to balance on my knee for what felt like an eternity (try balancing on one knee while wearing ice skates; it's harder than you think) as Wendy just sort of stood there and looked at me and the ring. I think I might have said, "Well?" She finally said yes and took the ring. The people on the side of the rink cheered and clapped. They let everyone else on the rink, and Wendy and I skated around for a little while as I explained my utter relief at finally not being in possession of an expensive diamond. As we got off the ice, some kids on the side told me I was their hero, and everyone congratulated us. #lifestyle |
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| Bad day (2) | Dec 12, 2005 |
Whenever you think you're having a bad day, just look at this guy: |
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