Mustaches are a questionable face decoration.  And by "questionable", I mean "absolutely ridiculous".  "Can't take you seriously."  "What'd you say?  I can't hear you through that stupid thing on your face." 

It's unfortunate that mustaches have made a bit of a comeback recently.  Several A-list celebrities have gone around sporting these laughable facial hair creations.  Even A-list bloggers (what does that mean exactly?) have done it.  I work with a guy who went from a little scruff to a full-on mustache in a matter of days.  What a disgrace.  I can't look him in the eye. 

Certain people would look ridiculous without mustaches:  Some fireman and police officers, most plumbers, guys named Mario or Luigi, any Italian restaurant owner/worker, my boss Vince, and Thommy's dad.  For all I know, these people were born with mustaches, and they need to keep them until death (I wonder if God lets you grow a mustache in heaven?).  But these people are the exception, not the rule. 

Every time I see Geraldo Rivera on TV, I can't watch him for more than a few seconds before I get the heebeejeebees.  I mean, look at him.  It's absurd.  That mustache is a good 9 inches long horizontally.  Can he fit that thing through doorways, or does he need to go sideways?  And then there's Arnold Diaz (from CBS's Shame on You).  The picture doesn't do it justice, but that mustache grows exponentially when he smiles.  It's incredible.  And by "incredible", I mean "frightening". 

   

In conclusion, mustaches were cool in the 70s and 80s.  Apparently, they were really cool.  But they're not anymore.  Kudos to the people who were able to give up their mustache addiction in keeping with the times.  Shame on those who weren't.