Morning person Mar 21, 2006
I'm surprised I never wrote about this before:  I'm absolutely, unbelievably, indisputably not a morning person.  It takes me about 4 hours to fully wake up.  Yeah sure I can run, read, drive, and work, but I still don't feel awake until about 10am.  It doesn't matter if I get 15 hours of sleep or 5.  It doesn't matter if I drink 7 espressos or nothing at all.  It doesn't matter if I start my day with exercise or inactivity.  It's always the same.  And people know this.  They've told me.  "Good God, you look horrible.  Did you get any sleep at all?"  Yeah, I got like 10 hours of sleep and I got up over 5 hours ago.  But thanks for pointing that out. 

I usually try not to do much at work before 9 or 10 if I can help it.  It's my time to eat my breakfast, drink my coffee/tea, and wake up a little.  I used to work on a project with people that started at like 8am.  And they didn't start off slow; they started at a sprint.  The loud walker would come to my office and tell me all the things she wanted me to do that day.  I would sit there and try to pretend to be fully functioning.  Then about 2 or 3 hours later, I would go to her office and try to figure out what she asked me to do, without actually coming out and asking her. 

If you're around me in the morning, the best thing you can do is keep quiet.  I'm not a big talker, and my listening abilities aren't exactly at peak functionality in the morning.  Your best bet is to write it all down and send it to me in an email at around 10am.  That's about when I'll be able to respond.  Or if you can cure my inability to wake up, that would be good too. #health
Knee replacement Dec 28, 2005
I know a lady in her 50s who just underwent knee replacement surgery.  They gouged open her leg, snipped off tendons attached to her leg muscles, and sawed the existing bones out, including parts of the leg bones.  Then they inserted a new knee made of metal and plastic. 

That was right around Thanksgiving weekend.  No more than 2-3 weeks later, this woman was walking.  This is absolutely amazing.  I'm over the fact that doctors can replace bones with pieces of metal.  That's cool in itself, but I'm over it.  The part that I'm amazed at is how quickly this woman recovered.  Sure, she went through (and continues to go through) a rigorous physical therapy program.  They had her out of bed within a couple days of the operation, and they continued to push her beyond her limits.  That's the nature of the recovery program.  But I'm still completely amazed that a person can have a piece of their leg sawed off and replaced by a chunk of lifeless material, and they can recover fully and quickly. 

When I was 16, I sprained my ankle playing soccer.  A sprain is when the ligament (bone to bone connection) becomes slightly torn or snaps from a sudden over-extension.  I had a slight tear, and the trainer said it was a "bad sprain".  This bad sprain took about 3-4 weeks to fully heal, during which time I was doing strengthening exercises and keeping it wrapped.  My point here is that it took me about the same time to heal from a slight ligament tear as it took for a woman to heal from a "slight" muscle tear, bone removal, and foreign object insertion.  Amazing. #health
Buckley's Dec 20, 2005
There's this cold medicine called Buckley's that has a great tagline:  "It Tastes Awful.  And It Works."  That's awesome.  At least they're honest. #health
Bad breath Dec 12, 2005
Newsflash:  Even if you brush your teeth in the morning, you might still have bad breath. 

I don't think a lot of people understand this concept.  People think, "Hey, I brushed my teeth at 6:30 this morning.  It's 10:30.  I'm still good."  They couldn't be more hopelessly wrong.  Unless you're chewing gum or doing something else to change what's going on in there, your mouth is a festering cesspool of bacteria and disease.  So unless you have reason to think otherwise, assume you have bad breath.  And then do something about it.  Or at least don't breathe in my face.  Ya jerk. 

Or do what I do:  Drink coffee.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  If you can't improve the smell of your breath, mask it with something even worse. #health
Health Dec 7, 2005
I just got over one of those proverbial 24-hour bugs.  Or at least I think I'm over it.  I started feeling kinda weird yesterday at around 10:30am.  I got to the point where I almost threw up at work, but I didn't.  Then I decided to go home.  I threw up a few times and slept most of the day.  I slept in the next day and went to work late.  [Using sick time is a great thing.] 

I'm kinda under the impression that my body is extremely healthy.  I'm not sure what went wrong, but my body figured it out and got rid of everything that was inside.  Even though I felt gross, my body healed itself.  Weird. 

I haven't thrown up for non-substance-related reasons for over 10 years.  It's been a while.  And I'm not sure what caused this one.  I had a cheesesteak on Monday night.  Maybe it was undercooked?  But it took 16 hours for me to feel the effects, so that's probably not it.  I ate some of my normal things on Tuesday morning; nothing out of the ordinary.  So maybe it wasn't something I ate.  Maybe it was a "bug".  Who knows. #health
Old people Nov 25, 2005
I almost always make life-changing decisions when I'm around old people.  I used to visit my grandparents in Florida and observe how slow and inactive they were.  That would always encourage me to be more physically active.  I would always be riding a bike or playing basketball.  Sitting around meant getting old.  Sitting around also meant playing board games, hence my current near-hatred of board games.  These games were only played when the weather wasn't nice outside or when the people involved couldn't do anything else.  Board games and other inside games are still always my last choice. 

I'm amazed at what happens when old people fall.  I hear about it all the time.  Somebody falls and breaks their hip or crushes their skull.  From falling.  Not falling out of a 10-story building.  Just falling down while standing up.  That always encourages me to never fall down.  No, actually it again encourages me to stay in shape so that falling down won't mean a near-death injury. 

I can see why someone would want to work with old people (i.e. Becca).  Aside from getting the satisfaction of helping people in need, you get the inspiration to never allow yourself to get that old. And it's not just the age that matters.  It's the physical condition.  I know a woman in her 70s who was a gym teacher her whole entire life.  She's still pretty active and she's in great physical and mental shape.  My grandmother, who's in her 80s, smoked her whole life and is in terrible shape.  She's been in terrible shape for as long as I've known her.  It just goes to show that two people the same age can be completely different in terms of health.  So it's possible not to get "old" in the sense of "assisted living old". 

On the comedic side of things, I think it's funny that old people hate "rock and roll music" and can't learn how to use computers.  I wonder what I'll hate when I'm that old and what I won't be able to learn how to use... #health
Phlegm Oct 28, 2005
I can't stand it when people have phlegm in their throat and continue to talk.  It makes me sick.  I notice it more with older people.  I was recently talking to an older person who had phlegm in her throat.  No big deal; just clear your throat.  Nope.  She continued to talk as the phlegm jiggled around in her esophagus.  I could hear it almost come up into her mouth, but no, it just stayed there.  I almost threw up. 

My advice:  if you have phlegm, take care of the problem.  Clear your throat.  If you think it'll be disgusting for the people around you, leave the room.  Hack that stuff up.  Just stop talking with phlegm in your throat.  And if you clear your throat and phlegm gets in your mouth, don't make it obvious to the people around you.  Don't make a disgusted face or make that sound with your mouth that says, "Ew, there's something gross in my mouth." #health
Stupidities (1) Oct 21, 2005
I've drinked ("I've drunk" never sounds right).  I've smoked.  I came out ok.  Or are I?  Why do these activities produce such unimaginable stupidity in some people?

There's this article that shows a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette.  The caption says, "Mellisa Williamson, 35. a Bullitt Avenue resident, worries about the effect on her unborn child from the sound of jackhammers."  Just to clear up any confusion:  this is called irony.  The pregnant woman is worrying about the effect of jackhammers on her unborn child while ignoring the health concerns of smoking while pregnant.  Just in case that wasn't obvious. 

I was at a barbecue one time where a girl was lighting up a cigarette with a match.  Another girl who was also a smoker saw her lighting up and said, "It's not good to inhale while you're lighting a cigarette with a match.  It's not as bad when you're using a butane lighter."  When I heard this, I almost blew up from the anger inside of me.  To think that there are people in the world that are dumb enough to not only believe these things, but to say them out loud.  It makes me sick.  Clearing up any confusion:  when lighting a cigarette (or "cancer stick" for the older generations), the last thing one should be worrying about is inhaling fumes from burning matches. 

I like (read:  want to punch) people who say things along the lines of, "Lite beer can't get you drunk because it has less alcohol."  Just to let those people know:  lite beer has less calories and carbohydrates, but has the same amount of alcohol as regular beer.  Now get your head outta your butt and into the game. 

I was in a bar one time with Wendy and some of her friends.  One of them was pregnant.  She said, "I stopped smoking so I don't hurt the baby."  Note:  this was said while in a bar.  In New Jersey.  Around smokers.  This girl also chose to stop getting drunk and just stuck to red wine.  Good choice!  It's good that some peoples' habits will eliminate them from the gene pool. #health
Work out Sep 22, 2005
I wish I had an urge to work out (the thing one does for cardiovascular exercise, not weight-lifting).  I get the urge every once in a while, but I feel like I've exhausted all my options.  I'm not really a fan of doing something for the sole purpose of a workout.  Like running or biking.  If there's a purpose in mind, these activities might be a little more appealing.  If I ran with a destination in mind and without the need to run back, it might be a little more fulfilling.  Or if I biked because that's the only way I could get from one place to another, I might enjoy it (but I'm sure I would quickly hate it after the first rainstorm or bitterly cold day).  I enjoyed scaling a small mountain a few weekends ago.  I had about 30 lbs on my back and I climbed up a rock-covered "mountain" (a loosely-used term because it wasn't a mountain in the Rockies sense of the word).  But there aren't too many mountains in close proximity to me; they require a good half-hour drive.  So altogether, it would take about 2 hours to get a workout.  I would play sports like basketball, but for whatever reason, basketball is entirely associated with a certain group of people.  I absolutely don't fit into that group of people, so I don't really like playing basketball in public.  [Isn't it weird that certain sports are associated with certain groups of people?  Basketball - thugs.  Frisbee - hippies.  Skiing - rich people.]  Everyone says that walking's healthy.  I don't know about that.  It's just too easy.  But it's all I have for now, so I guess I'm sticking with it. #health
Puke (4) Jul 25, 2005
I was always the kid in school who puked.  I remember being in kindergarden and we had a substitute.  Her name was Mrs. Piontkowski.  I had been feeling weird all day, but I wasn't sure what it meant.  And then all of a sudden, I puked, but held it in my mouth.  I thought, "Oh it's ok.  I'll just hide it."  But then it was too much too hold in and it spilled all over my desk.  But Mrs. Piontkowski kept talking, so I raised my hand to let her know that I was having a bit of a problem.  From what I remember, she kept talking and didn't seem to be doing anything about my situation.  So I just kept my hand raised.  After a while, somebody did something about it.  And then when I was in the nurse's office, I was laid down on that "bed" covered with a sheet of deli paper.  That's where I puked again and it went all over me.  The nurse gave me "loaner clothes" that had the school emblem on them. 

Another puke story took place when I was in third grade.  It was the second or third day of school.  I had been feeling weird again, but this time I knew what it meant.  At the point of no return, I got out of my seat and started walking to the bathroom.  But then I got scared because I wasn't sure if I was allowed to leave my seat without asking.  So I started walking back to my desk.  But then I realized that the teacher wouldn't care if I puked in the bathroom, but she might mind if I did it in her classroom.  And then it happened.  Too late to try to keep it clean.  It went all over the rug in the classroom. 

After one of my puking extravaganzas, I was at home, lying on the couch.  My sister Dana was practicing piano.  All of a sudden, I got up and ran out of the room because it was time.  She said, "Thanks, Dave.  I didn't realize my playing was that bad." #health