Migration solution Aug 24, 2021
It's clear the world has a migration problem.  More specifically, people want to leave the shitty countries they live in and move someplace where they won't be murdered for listening to pop music or wearing shorts or being female. 

I have a terrible solution to this problem.  Everyone knows the US likes to meddle in other nations' foreign affairs.  They like it even more if they can drop some bombs on the way.  The solution is this:  The US should invade each of these shitty countries, create a little freedom zone within each country, and tell all the migrants to go to these freedom zones.  They would essentially start out as military bases and expand outward and upward over time.  The goal would be to establish a self-sustaining freedom-loving economic safety zone that has the full defensive protection of the US military, but with less of the actual military toppling regimes and chasing terrorists through the mountains.  Businesses can be created and investments encouraged through tax incentives, with a portion of the profits going to the invading country's pockets.  And the locals get to stay in their county, with their family and friends and cultures.  It's like a mini nation incubator, inside a big shitty nation's borders.  Not only will this cut down on immigration into the US and other western nations, it will permanently embroil the US in a number of endless foreign occupations, which is something they really like. 

Please don't try this. #politics
Phish is bad Aug 11, 2021
I've been a Phish fan for a while now.  I was talking to a friend recently who was saying something about how they "never quite got the appeal of Phish", and that's something I totally understand.  Phish is an acquired taste.  But not an acquired taste like fine wine or Scotch, which are objectively good products that are sometimes unenjoyable for newcomers. 

Phish is objectively bad.  Trey is a pretty good guitarist who sometimes hits the right notes.  Mike is a sub-par bassist who still hasn't locked in a good bass tone.  Paige is an ok pianist.  Fishman is a mediocre drummer at best.  Phish is known for their live shows, but any newcomer who's heard a recording of a live show notices immediately that it sounds like Phish have never played their own songs before.  They're sloppy.  They miss notes.  The singing is terrible.  And the jams ... just too damn long. 

So what exactly is the appeal of Phish?  It's hard to explain in a way that doesn't sound crazy, but here goes:  Phish is a band that manages energy really well.  This is best demonstrated in a live show.  There's a sort of palpable energy at pretty much any live music event.  There's the excitement of getting to hear live music, preferably from a band you like.  You're there with friends; there's alcohol; weed smoke floats lazily through the air.  The lights dim; the band gets on the stage.  Phish's claim to fame (sort of) is that they routinely play songs from their entire 40-year catalog, so you never really know what you're gonna get on any given night.  The song could be fast or slow, short or long, happy or sad, old or new.  The lights follow along to the music.  Then:  The jam.  That's where the magic happens.  Veterans know what's happening, but it's still sort of a surprise every time.  It starts off slow and steady.  Meanders through ups and downs.  Dies off for a while.  Then slowly and steadily it comes back, and it builds and builds and builds to a climax.  Music blaring; lights blinding; crowd screaming.  Rinse and repeat. 

By any objective measure, Phish is bad.  Wrong notes; bad singing; weird lyrics; dumb songs.  But that's looking at it the wrong way.  Phish is about energy.  They follow a pattern of excitement, anticipation, surprise, delayed gratification, climax.  And they're quite good at it. #music
Temporary expertise Aug 10, 2021
I feel like there are a handful of experiences in life where you momentarily become an absolute expert in some topic before quickly forgetting everything and never using that knowledge ever again.  Things like pregnancy, buying a house, traveling to a foreign country, etc. all involve copious research, checking books out of the library, watching documentaries or how-to videos, learning a new language or a new vocabulary, all in a quest to be as proficient as you can possibly be for that short period of time when being an expert is required.  And then once that time period ends, that knowledge is completely useless to you.  You're not having another kid.  You're not buying another house for at least another 20 years.  All that's left of your knowledge quest is a bunch of outdated, probably wrong information that you can either completely forget or attempt to bestow on people who are in similar situations.
Crazy gas station guy Aug 9, 2021
I was at the gas station filling up, and the attendant said "hey nice shirt" as he noticed we had similar shirts.  My toddler in the back seat asked me to roll down the window so she could say hi.  Gas station guy said, "cute kid," and I thought that was the end of my very pleasant gas station experience.  But a minute later he comes over to my window and says, "Can I ask you a question?"  The following is my attempt at a direct transcription of everything that was stated: 
Him:  Biden is about to shut the country down again, because he's a crazy psycho looking to boost vaccination numbers for profit. 
Me:  ...
Him:  So I wanted to ask if you're vaccinated.  Actually I wanted to ask you to get the word out so people won't get the jab.  It's not even a vaccine, it's a population control device. 
Me:  ...
Him:  You see, everyone who got vaccinated will be dead within a year once they switch on the 5G and activate the mind control.  So I'm not sure if you're pro-vax or anti-vax, but just be sure to tell people to not get vaccinated.  Did you want a receipt?
Like, I know these people exist.  And I live in a red part of a blue state, so it's not out of the question.  But it's just ... c'mon man.  I'm trying to be a person in a society, but you're making it really difficult.