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Glitter cards (1) Wed, Dec 21, 2011
Dear people who send Christmas cards covered in glitter,

Thanks for making me clean up after you.  Please remove me from your mailing list. 

Sincerely,
Everyone who's ever had to clean glitter off every object in the house that happened to come in contact with your ridiculous gaudy card, then wash their hands because glitter sticks to everything, but then still had glitter on their face all day because that stuff gets everywhere and it makes you look stupid, like some jerk who puts glitter on their face in the hopes of attracting attention, like a bizarre mating ritual where mating will surely not happen. #lifestyle

Accents that annoy me (6) Mon, Dec 19, 2011
  1. South Jersey/Philadelphia/Baltimore
  2. Canada
  3. Chicago/Minnesota
  4. Richmond, VA
#language

Constant vs. average speed (5) Wed, Dec 14, 2011
If I had to choose between driving at a constant speed of 40 mph or driving at a stop-and-go speed that averages 40 mph, I'd choose the former.  I often travel longer distances just so I don't have to drive on Route 206 in NJ. #travel

Special disinterest group Mon, Dec 12, 2011
I'm uninterested in joining this special disinterest group
Politicians are completely out of touch with those Americans who are completely out of touch with politics.

Who says that two people can't make an indifference?
#politics

Plata o plomo Sat, Dec 10, 2011
Plata o plomo is Spanish for the phrase "silver or lead," which was Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar's motto in dealing with his local government.  In other words, accept money or face bullets.  Me likes. #lifestyle

Breakfast cookies (4) Wed, Dec 07, 2011
I just bought these Quaker Breakfast Cookies because they have "breakfast" in the product name, which dictates when I'm allowed to eat them.  They're actually pretty good, but my suspicions were accurate:  They're really just straight-up cookies in a package that suggests they can be eaten for breakfast.  Maybe they might have a little more fiber than normal cookies, but other than that, it doesn't change the fact that you're eating cookies for breakfast. #food

Good literature Tue, Dec 06, 2011
I was criticized recently for reading things by J. K. Rowling and Dan Brown because they're not "good literature."  This criticism came from a literature major, who believed the plots created by authors like this are too simple and contrived.  I fully agree, which is exactly why I read books like this.  When I read, I'm not looking for a challenge.  I don't judge the story arc or character development.  I don't give a crap about that stuff.  I read for the same reason I do many things:  For entertainment.  Books with simple, contrived plot lines fill that need with surprising ease.  Screw good literature.  Give me entertainment. #entertainment

Ovipositor Mon, Dec 05, 2011
The cave crickets that live in my crawl space and jump onto my head each time I enter or exit have this giant pointy thing on their tail end that looks like a stinger.  It frightens me, to say the least.  After some research, it turns out it's called an ovipositor, which is a body part certain insects use to place their eggs in the ground.  On crickets, it's a non-violent appendage.  On other insects, like bees and wasps, it's a stinger. #nature

Bad part of town Mon, Dec 05, 2011
I was driving around a small city recently, and I realized I crossed the tracks into the bad part of town when I saw the following businesses:  Cash for gold, payday loans, and bail bonds.  I wonder which came first, the bad part of town, or the businesses in the bad part of town.

Related:  5 businesses that rip off the poor #lifestyle

Waiting for computers Thu, Dec 01, 2011
A non-trivial percentage of my day is spent waiting for computers to do things.  And I'm not talking about complicated calculations or processor-intensive graphical simulations.  I'm talking about renaming a file, minimizing a window, or clicking a link.  Some days these simple tasks seem to take forever.  It's like my computer gets sidetracked and is like, "Oh hey, can you just wait a minute while I update some stuff and maintain your security?  Because that's my primary job.  Security over usability."  I have two computers at my desk at work.  One of them was thinking about something instead of performing a simple task, so I turned to the other computer, and it decided to act stupid and become unusable.  Thus, this post was born. #technology