Wallet in front (2) May 27, 2010
I'm an American male, so I carry a wallet.  If it was socially acceptable for me to carry a man-bag, I would.  But I don't live in Europe, nor do I have any respect for men who carry man-bags, so I carry my important information in a leather holder that fits in my pocket.  When I first started carrying a wallet, it contained a little money, an ID, and about 50 other things of little to no value, such as business cards (not even my own), hotel key cards, frequent shopper cards, and airline mileage cards.  (This paled in comparison to one of my high school friends, who carried so many pieces of paper and miscellany that his wallet rivaled George Costanza's.)  It wasn't until I started working full time that I switched from carrying my wallet in my back pocket to the front.  My work attire consisted of khaki pants, and since the pockets tend to move around, every time I sat down, I had to move my wallet towards my hip so I wouldn't sit on it in an uncomfortable position.  But what this looks like to the casual observer is that every time I sat down, I scratched my butt.  This became problematic for my self-image, so I cut my wallet contents down to a few credit cards, an ID, and the occasional paper money, and put it all in my front pocket.  I realize how weird this is every time I see other men reaching into their back pockets for their wallets.  But to avoid being known as a public butt-scratcher, I'm happy with the change. #lifestyle
Talk on wake May 25, 2010
Certain people (including Wendy) have the amazing ability of being able to talk the second they wake.  I call this an amazing ability because I don't have it.  It takes me an incredibly long time to wake up, and probably the last thing on my list of things to do when I wake up, after shower-dress-coffee, is talk.  This could be because talking isn't my strong point, but it could also be because my brain needs warm-up time.  The wheels start spinning very slowly, and even if I can form thoughts, I can't quite put those thoughts into words.  People who can talk upon waking are like on-off switches.  I'm more like a computer that needs to boot up. #psychology
Overt stoner May 25, 2010
I work with a guy who thinks he's a stoner.  His most common words are "dude," "bro," and "like," all stated in a slow, somewhat raspy tone.  He likes to talk about fishing, and drinking, and many other fascinating things.  The thing is, I have no problem with people who smoke pot.  In fact, I think the stuff should be legal.  But I do have a problem with intelligent people who work in a professional environment pretending they're present-day stoners.  Maybe you were a stoner in high school or college or in post-college unemployment, but now it's time to grow up.  And even if you still smoke pot, at least don't act like a 17-year-old idiot who's, like, totally bummed about, like, everything, man.  Bro. #psychology
Airline non-fixes May 24, 2010
Most airlines these days charge for checking a bag.  It would make sense to think of this as a way to increase revenue, but I have the sneaking suspicion the fees were put in place for a different reason:  So fewer people would check fewer bags, leading to fewer lost luggage claims and fewer customer complaints, with the net effect of higher customer satisfaction.  Sure the airlines make more money, but they could've done the same thing by simply charging more money per ticket.  With this thought pattern in mind, I wonder what's next? 







Problem/ComplaintSolution
Lost bagsCharge for checked bags
No overhead storageCharge for carry-on bags
Crappy foodCharge for food
Crowded bathroomsCharge for bodily functions
No elbowroomCharge for elbow rests
No legroomCharge for seats (otherwise standing room only)
Crying babiesCharge for ear plugs
One thing is for certain:  If it's possible to make airline travel even less enjoyable, the airlines will surely find a way. #travel
Black shoes, white socks May 19, 2010
I'm certainly not fashion savvy.  I wear a velcro watch.  But the two things I know for certain about business casual dress are that you're not supposed to wear a tie with a short-sleeved shirt, and you're not supposed to wear white socks with black shoes, especially if you're also wearing dark pants.  Yet one of my co-workers, despite otherwise having a good fashion sense, insists on doing this, not only at work, but also at conferences and customer meetings.  I'm lucky if I can find a shirt with no stains on it, but after looking at this guy I don't feel too bad about myself. #lifestyle
Klondike Bar desire May 17, 2010
There's a series of commercials for Klondike Bars that ask the question,"What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"  My immediate answer:  Murder.  This is a little odd, because I could pretty easily just buy one from the store.  It certainly wouldn't break the bank.  But for some reason, my gluttonous love for chocolate-covered ice cream overwhelms every sensible bone in my body, preparing me to kill for this cholesterol-laden treat.  I don't know if it would ever come to that, but I guess we'll see. #food
Unnecessary expensive habits May 17, 2010
I work with a guy who once proclaimed he spends about $150/month on Scotch, which he seemingly believes makes him $150/month more cultured and sophisticated.  Call me a cheap, close-minded simpleton, but that's a habit I don't see myself starting. #money
Bee puke (2) May 12, 2010
Honey is one of those things that seems too good to be true.  Some flying bugs do something with flowers, and then we collect a bunch of sweet liquid from their nests.  Pretty awesome.  But one thing that's not often mentioned is how this peculiar process actually happens.  Many explanations say something along the lines of "bees collect pollen and nectar and convert it into honey."  But "convert" is kind of a generic word.  What that really means is this:  Honey is bee puke.  It's literally the regurgitated processed nectar of flowering plants, stored in a bee's so-called "honey stomach."  In fact, when a bee with a full tank of honey gets back to the hive, it does a mouth-to-mouth transfer of the prized sweet sauce with another bee.  So honey is actually bee puke, puked twice.  You're welcome. #food
Brits on FlashForward May 11, 2010
House's Hugh Laurie isn't the only Brit who can fake an American accent.  Of course FlashForward's Lloyd Simcoe (Jack Davenport) and Simon Campos (Dominic Monaghan) are British.  But it turns out Olivia Benford (Sonya Walger) and Mark Benford (Joseph Fiennes) are British as well.  Sonya Walger had a British accent on Lost, but her American accent on FlashForward made me think she was faking. 

Update:  Turns out Gabriel McDow (James Callis) is a Brit with a fake American accent as well. #entertainment
Double riddle May 11, 2010
I'm an Aries, and this is The Onion's horoscope for me this week: 
"Enlightenment and confusion will both be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand clapping."
A philosophical riddle and a Buddhist koan rolled together.  A famous cynic once said, "The sound of one hand clapping is the sound of a slap in the face." #sociology
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