Sunburn's revenge Jun 13, 2008
Sunburn hurts by burning your flesh like a toaster.  And of course it never toasts you evenly, so you have to walk around looking like a freak for a few days.  Then after those few days, you're resigned to itching yourself like a dog with fleas.  And just when you think it's all over, you peel like a leper.  Sunburn always wins. #health
Band geek hierarchy (6) Jun 12, 2008
Last night at a BBQ in rural New Jersey, a panel of experts determined the official hierarchy of band geeks.  Most people will note that all band people are geeks, so there's no need to make a distinction.  But people who currently or have in the past referred to themselves as band geeks demanded their shred of dignity and thus created a list, from most geeky to least. 
  1. Marching band geek.  These people are the biggest geeks.  What better way to proclaim your absolute lack of athleticism than to purposefully sit in the stands at football games and play a musical instrument?  Not only do these geeks perform poorly-arranged versions of 60s cover songs, they wear stupid uniforms and engage in synchronized marching.  Biggest geeks ever.
  2. Pep band geek.  The pep band is sort of like the marching band, but without the marching, and without the football.  They're usually seen at basketball games and other indoor sporting events where they proudly shout their athletic ineptitude.  Some may argue that they're actually more geeky than the marching band because they don't even do "cool" things like march or dress up in fancy costumes.  I say whatever.  A geek is a geek.  Moving on.
  3. Concert band geek.  Concert band is usually offered as an elective in high school.  Geeks practice their songs daily and put on a concert once or twice a year, usually playing classical music and show tunes.  Yes, show tunes.  GEEKS!
  4. Pit band geek.  The pit band is the group of highly-trained (and sometimes professional) musicians that play the accompanying music for the school play.  These geeks are above other band geeks because they're often quite talented and are given the privilege of sitting next to geeks who get paid to play music.  They'll occasionally be required to learn a new instrument, which is one of the highest honors in band-geekdom.
  5. Jazz band geek.  These geeks are the rebels of band geeks.  They play syncopated songs with irregular rhythm and often perform solos.  They've even been known to allow a guitarist to play with them, which, in the world of band geeks, is the most bad-ass thing you can do.  Jazz band geeks have even been known to throw wild parties while blasting Miles Davis and drinking wine coolers.  WINE COOLERS!
So there you have it.  The official band geek hierarchy.  For the record, I've been a part of 4 of the 5 types of bands mentioned, and the only reason I wasn't in the pep band was because my school didn't have one. #entertainment
8th grade writing (1) Jun 11, 2008
I still write the way I was taught in 8th grade:  Introductory paragraph, three supporting points, conclusion.  It's sad. #education
Destruction (2) Jun 11, 2008
I can't explain it, but I find the act of destruction to be incredibly fulfilling.  That sounds weird, and it makes me seem like a violent, angry person.  But I'm not.  I just like destroying things, not for the sake of destroying them, but for the feeling of empowerment it gives me.  Empowerment is sort of a sissy word, so I'll explain some more. 

I wrote a while ago about my love for the weed whacker.  So much destructive power in such a small package.  There's just nothing better than obliterating grass and weeds with a spinning plastic string.  It sounds stupid, but I know I'm not the only one.  Maybe it's the gasoline fumes and the smell of exhaust from a 2-stroke engine.  Maybe it's the finger-controlled throttle reminiscent of a gun trigger.  Maybe it's the bits of grass and rock that get kicked up and flung everywhere.  Whatever it is, it's my favorite thing to do around the yard.  I just love destroying things with the weed whacker. 

In another moment of destruction, I cut down a tree last weekend.  Not just because I felt like it or because I hate nature.  It was very dead and likely to fall at any time, with a good chance of hitting my house or a neighbor's.  So I executed a preemptive strike.  I tied some ropes to it to guide it where I wanted it to fall, then I chopped away at the trunk (I don't need no chainsaw ... actually, I wouldn't mind one since it's probably as destructive as 10 weed whackers put together).  When it hit the ground, I almost squealed with delight like a little girl, but I quickly remembered the "manliness" of the situation and merely gave a nod of agreement as a sign of my dominance over that dead piece of wood.  It was one of the best moments of my life. 

I've been doing kickboxing for the past several months, and for lack of a better way of saying it, I absolutely love hitting things.  I didn't get into fights growing up, and I've never really been big on physical violence, but I can't deny that I've developed a love for hitting things.  At its core, I think it's all about destruction.  I'm not angry when I'm punching and kicking things; I don't think about my enemies or that dude who cut me off in traffic.  I just go in and destroy a punching bag.  For something so simple and almost primitive, it surprises even me that so much enjoyment can be had. 

I guess destruction makes me feel powerful.  It makes me feel like I'm in control.  Do I feel powerless and out of control at other times in life?  Not really.  Psychoanalysis has never really produced any legitimate results for me in the past, so I don't know if there's an underlying meaning or motivation behind my love of destruction.  I just know I like destroying things.  Simple as that. #psychology
Yard work time Jun 10, 2008
I walked out my front door at 7am today, and one of my neighbors just started up his lawn mower.  I'm all about power tools and gas-powered gadgets, but this is a problem.  I personally believe no noise-producing tools should be used before the hour of 9am on weekdays, 10am on weekends.  Feel free to make up your own mind about these things, but don't be surprised if a flaming bag of cat poop appears on your front step in the middle of the night.  You've been warned. #lifestyle
Aussie bands (4) Jun 10, 2008
I've stumbled upon this revelation before, but I'll say it again:  Australia has a track record of putting out great rock bands.  Of course this is a subjective thing, but this whole website is subjective, so I'll continue. 

It all started with AC/DC.  These guys aren't necessarily super-talented or refined in any way, but they make music that sounds great when blasted at full volume.  For that, they deserve some respect. 

In the 90s, there was Silverchair.  This band was unfortunately grouped into the whole "grunge" scene, but I think they're much more than that.  Plus, they were like 16 when they became superstars. 

A few years ago, Jet was on the radio.  What most people don't realize is that this band actually wrote a ton of great songs, all of which are available on their albums, not released as singles.  They're another band that sounds great blasted at full volume, and they happened to choose some great bands to be influenced by. 

And now (though I'm a couple years late), there's Wolfmother.  They released a few singles and have been included on several video game soundtracks and commercials.  But what's cool about them is, like Jet, they chose some great bands as influences, and their songs have a simple yet awesome classic rock-ish sound.  I was a fan after the first listen. 

So thanks for your music, Australia.  Keep it coming. #entertainment
Bug in my eye (1) Jun 10, 2008
I was riding my bike yesterday on the crowded streets of my neighborhood, when a bug happened to fly directly into my eyeball.  I would've been happier if it went in my mouth.  So here I was, attempting to maintain control of my bike, avoiding children and animals in the road, and trying not to get hit by a car.  I couldn't help but think, "Why the heck do bugs go in my eye?"  If you think about how tiny bugs are and how huge the earth is, the odds are really incredible.  After spending some time in the barren and open southwestern US, I can say one thing for certain:  There's enough room for people and bugs to coexist without conflict.  Heck, even in New Jersey there's enough room.  Sure, NJ is crowded and built-up, but I've been to parts of the state where I've walked for two days without seeing more than a few other humans.  There isn't quite as much open space as in the southwest, but there's plenty of room for bugs to do their thing, while letting us humans do our thing somewhere else.  So please, bugs, stay out of our eyes. #nature
i am neurotic Jun 9, 2008
There's a website called i am neurotic where people write in and talk about their neuroses, such as eating even numbers of candies, having irrational fears, and repeating certain actions a specific number of times.  People are weird. #sociology
Wikipedia in Google Maps Jun 6, 2008
There's a cool feature in Google Maps that's probably been around for a while but I haven't noticed it:  Wikipedia links.  On the map itself, near the buttons for switching between map and satellite views is a button that says "More..."  One of the options is Wikipedia, which shows links to Wikipedia articles that have something to do with the map being viewed.  In most areas, it's just information on cities and towns.  But in more zoomed-in areas, there's information about historical events and unusual facts.  Very cool. #technology
Winkers Jun 6, 2008
I don't like people who wink at me.  I probably wouldn't mind if it was a girl, but it's usually a guy.  It's not a romantic or flirty thing, and I know that.  But it still feels romantic and flirty, which makes me feel gross.  It usually happens when somebody says something that has an implied sarcasm or falseness to it.  They give me a little wink to let me know it's sarcastic or intentionally false.  If you need to depend on physical language to convey your sarcasm, you should get better at delivering sarcasm.  Stop winking at me. #psychology