Hating number one (2) Mar 16, 2006
I learned an interesting thing in school one time (amazing, isn't it?):  My international relations professor said that everyone hates number one.  He used the argument in reference to every country on earth hating America.  His thought was that the reason everyone hates our country and our leaders and our foreign policy and our "westernism" is because we're number one.  We're in first place.  We're the "best" country in the world.  People didn't hate us 50 years ago, and that's because countries like England and France were number one. 

Whether or not this is true, it makes some amount of sense.  And here are three more examples: 

1.  Microsoft.  People hate Microsoft.  Even though 99.7% (I know this is wrong) of the world's computers send emails through Microsoft mail servers using Microsoft Outlook and run on Microsoft Windows, people hate Microsoft.  They complain about having no other choice and being screwed by a big corporate monopoly.  But I think another part of that hatred is because Microsoft is on top.  They're huge.  They're unbeatable.  They make usable and popular products.  And we hate them for that. 

2.  Google.  A year ago, people couldn't stop praising Google.  They offer great services and make reliable products that do amazing things.  But then people started realizing that Google was number one.  And that's when the hatred started.  I just read an article about the top 25 reasons to hate Google.  Sure these are valid reasons, but why don't these people just use a different service?  Go back to Yahoo or Ask Jeeves.  Or maybe it's just easier to hate number one. 

3.  WordPress.  A lot of people probably don't even know what WordPress is.  But for the people in the web developing/publishing world, WordPress is a free content management system and website back-end.  And it's also a blog host.  WordPress.org (the software) and WordPress.com (the host) are two completely different things, though they involve the same people and most of the same software.  There's a huge community of developers and supporters for WordPress, and it keeps growing everyday.  What I didn't realize until recently was that people really hate WordPress.  Comments posted on Digg show that people think WordPress is unreliable and failure-prone.  Or maybe they hate WordPress because it's gaining ground to becoming number one in the web publishing world. #technology
Expresso Mar 16, 2006
Attention idiots:  EXpresso is a Portuguese newspaper.  ESpresso is a type of coffee.  Get it right.  The name "espresso" actually refers to the three different definitions of the word "express": 
1. a coffee made expressly for one person
2. with the flavours 'expressed' from coffee grounds under pressure
3. a coffee made at express speed.
However, this does not give you the right to call it "expresso". #food
Tear 'n Share Mar 15, 2006
Wendy's company makes Peanut M&M's in a "Tear 'n Share" size.  Who do they think they're kidding?  What kind of person shares his/her little bag of Peanut M&M's?  I mean c'mon. #food
Mayo (1) Mar 15, 2006
I used to hate mayonnaise.  And I mean hate.  If I tried to eat a sandwich with mayo, I would gag.  I couldn't even force it down my throat.  And mayo is one of those things that's understandably hate-able:  It'd weird, fattening, can only be used on something, and no one knows where it comes from. 

For some strange reason, I started eating mayo recently.  When I was in Jamaica on my honeymoon, a turkey and mayo sandwich was the best thing on earth.  And now, I can't eat tuna fish without mayo.  I've realized that there's almost no better food combination than mayo and lettuce on a tuna sandwich.  It just can't be beat. #food
Job change Mar 15, 2006
A few weeks ago, I started in a new position at work.  It was a slight change in content, but it was an even bigger change in volume of paperwork (much less now).  It was also an easy move because it was just down the hall.  Around the same time I left the old position, my boss and his boss retired.  They were replaced by two other bosses.  These new bosses don't understand what's going on, so they can't quite understand my recent move.  And what's weird about it is the reaction of my immediate boss, who moved up from a position in the division.  I traveled with him before and talked with him a couple times, so we've interacted a little bit.  Concerning my move, he's kind of sad to see me go.  And that's the same reaction I got from several other people.  What's weird is that I had been sitting upstairs in a cubicle for months and months, and nobody noticed me.  I did little to no work, contributed a significantly minute amount to the division, and interacted with as few people as possible.  But as soon as I leave, people are sad to see me go.  I remind them that I not only still work for the same company, I even work down the hall.  I think the underlying idea here is that people are resistant to change.  I admit that I'm also resistant to change in certain circumstances:  I have things set up a specific way or I'm used to things being a certain way, so I don't like when they're suddenly different.  But the only reason these people feel anything is because something's changing, even though it has absolutely no effect on them. #business
Eyeball pop-out Mar 15, 2006
This helpful Slate article tells you how to reinsert your eyeball if it accidentally falls out.  It was written in reference to a recent college basketball game, where a player got poked in the eye and his eyeball dislodged from the socket.  That gave me a chill of disgust.  (via Boing Boing) #technology
Move your desk (3) Mar 14, 2006
I had to move my desk today at work.  It wasn't a terrible move, but I'm not very fond of moves in general.  Plus, I just moved to my previous location in August of 2005, so I hadn't been there very long.  It's kind of sad to leave my old desk.  I accumulated many memories there:  Sitting around, reading stuff, eating food, sending emails, trying not to throw up, etc.  I had things arranged the way I liked them, and I knew where I put everything.  Now I have to set everything up in a new environment with new people in a new, unbearably hot room.  Plus, I have a different computer, so I have to change everything around to the way I like it (which, by the way, is no small task; I spend a lot of time on the computer, so I like things a certain way.). 

I just got a new boss, and I knew the time would come when he would move everybody around.  That's what bosses do.  My previous boss said it's a good idea for people to move every 6 months so they don't accumulate too much junk.  He didn't follow this idea though, and that was good.  There's something about bosses that forces them to make people move.  It's like Milton in Office Space.  "We're gonna need your office to store some boxes."  Why?  Because someone arbitrarily decided it was a good idea.  Thanks arbitrary jerk boss. 

When I use the term "move my desk", I mean "move my stuff from one desk to another".  There's no actual desk-moving taking place.  And that's good because it's hard work.  I used to have to move desks at another job because I was "young and male".  The boss-guy rearranged things every few weeks, so I had some pretty rough summers.  What I hated was the fact that I actually had a purpose at that company, but that purpose was not to move desks.  It's good to work for a bigger company that has to worry about lawsuits and workman's comp. #business
Self-checkout (5) Mar 13, 2006
I know I've said this about other things in the past, but I found the 1 or 2 awesomest words in the English language:  Self-checkout.  There's nothing better than buying your stuff at a grocery, hardware, or miscellaneous store and going through the self-checkout.  It's just so liberating.  And here's why: 
  1. You can prove to yourself that you can use simple electronics.
  2. You don't have to talk to or interact with anyone.
  3. You don't have to listen to some facetious teenager ask you if you found everything you were looking and if you'd be interested in applying for a credit card.
  4. You don't have to watch some disgruntled employee bang your apples around like they own them.
  5. You don't have to let someone put your ice cream, your bread, and your eggs in the same bag.
  6. You don't have to deal with someone looking at you thinking, "Do you even know how to use caulk?"
  7. You don't have to try to think of a rationalization for buying $20 worth of candy and Little Debbie products.
  8. You don't have to feel weird about buying colored underwear.
  9. You don't have to pretend you're buying a nose hair trimmer for "your friend".
  10. You get the satisfaction of knowing you could do these peoples' jobs.  Sorry, but it's true.
#business
Walmart clothes Mar 13, 2006
I'll go out on a limb here and admit the unthinkable; the thing that will destroy my ever-present, ever-cool image:  I'm a huge fan of Walmart clothes.  I would say about 75% of the clothes in my closet are from Walmart.  I've bought clothes from the nicer stores and I've been satisfied.  But in order for me to feel ok about wearing nice clothes, I have to get them at great prices.  I got a bunch of shirts from J. Crew one time, but I got them from the clearance rack at a J. Crew outlet, so they were incredibly cheap.  I also bought several pairs of Gap khakis, but they were on clearance too, so they were cheap.  And not like 50% off $80.  That's not a good deal.  Yeah you're paying $40 for a pair of $80 pants, but you're still paying $40 for a pair of pants. 

Walmart clothes are always cheap.  I've never paid more than $12 for a shirt.  And they're good quality.  I like my Walmart shirts better than my J. Crew shirts.  And since Walmart makes clothes that attempt to fit in with current style, they blend in relatively well with everyone else.  I never buy those stupid metrosexual striped shirts because I'm not that kind of person.  I need bigger arms and more gel in my hair to wear shirts like that.  I buy "business casual button-down" shirts.  And Walmart is the place to go for stuff like that. #lifestyle
IKEA Mar 12, 2006
IKEA is a weird place.  When you go to IKEA, you don't just run in and get something quick.  You spend several hours there.  And that's how they get ya.  It's laid out like a maze.  When you walk in, you don't see registers or an exit.  You see the first line of products, which is usually something like couches and other living room things.  Then you follow the magic arrows that point you to the supposed exit.  But in reality, these arrows point you to the next line of products.  This same pattern continues for hours, even days, until you finally hit a set of stairs.  You think, "Thank God.  There's an exit and we're just about to reach it."  And then you realize it's the same pattern as before, except you're on a different floor.  So you walk through another endless maze of products and furniture until you finally come to the end.  And it's really the end. 

But how does IKEA benefit from this sadistic game?  They go to sleep at night with the knowledge that you've walked past just about every product they make.  You're pretty much guaranteed to have looked at, and perhaps bought, just about everything in the whole entire store.  So even if a person came to "just buy a couch", chances are they bought something else. 

And by the way, the Swedish billionaire who owns IKEA, Ingvar Kamprad, drives a 13-year-old Volvo station wagon.  I just thought that was kinda cool, even though he has a lot of my (and my friends') money. #business