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Working conditions Wed, Aug 30, 2006
I've mentioned my working conditions a few times in the past.  There are constant problems with the temperature and my office area is painfully quiet.  I've complained to a few people at work about the temperature before ("Why do we need air conditioning in the winter?"), but I've consistently gotten the same roundabout excuses:  "You'll need to talk to this person to get something done.  But I wouldn't do that if I were you because that person is notorious for doing blah blah blah, blah blah, yadda, verklempt." 

So I've developed a theory:  Companies intentionally make their working conditions unsatisfactory, uncomfortable, and/or incomplete for the sake of "productivity".  The last thing a company needs is a bunch of satisfied workers, falling asleep in their comfortable chairs in their perfectly temperate offices while they listen to free streaming audio and video on their state-of-the-art computers hooked up to super-high-speed, reliable internet connections.  "Good workers" don't need reasonably-priced, good-tasting food in the cafeteria, sanitary bathrooms, adequate parking, or "human resources".  They also shouldn't mind that the construction workers and landscapers don't do their work on the weekends when the normal office stiffs aren't there to hear the incessant tapping of hammers and the humming of 2-stroke engines, all the while spreading harmful chemical dust and allergens into the air. 

So my advice to myself is this:  Get used to it, loser.  It's never gonna change.  Work will never be comfortable.  And to have a little fun, do your part to make it more uncomfortable for others.  Listen to music in your cubicle.  If you use headphones, turn the volume up really loud and leave them on your desk while you're at lunch.  Turn the lights off when you leave for the day and announce, "Elvis has left the building."  Eat things at your desk and make sure you make loud slurping noises and crinkle the wrapper.  Make obscene phone calls to "ya boy". #business


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