I can't believe how much I love Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies.  They're always an impulse buy.  How can you say no to $1.19 for 12 bundles of goodness?  I keep a stash at work and get such a rush from eating them, I'm surprised I'm still alive. #food

So I got a couple tickets a few weeks ago.  So what? 

The cop said he could give me two tickets for speeding in two different zones.  That sounds made up.  Couldn't he have followed me the whole time I was speeding and given me a ticket for every second I was over the speed limit?  Then he could've given me like 600 tickets.  That sounds like the penalty definitely fits the crime.  And that wonderful cop would've really earned his pay.  High-fives from his police buddies.  "600 tickets.  That's awesome.  I wish I was you."  Anyway, instead of giving me two tickets for two different speeding infractions, he gave me one ticket under the title "Careless driving".  He said he was doing me a favor.  Isn't that nice?  He tried to make me hate him less by only giving me one ticket instead of two.  Wow.  Thanks a lot buddy.  You really made my day.  But then he said I ran a red light.  I'm usually pretty observant when I'm driving.  I don't remember running a red light.  But he said I did.  How can I fight that?  He's a cop, the smartest, most awesome race of humans that has ever existed.  But again, since he was a nice guy, he gave me a ticket under the title "Unclear plates" because it has no points associated with it.  I thought about removing the thing around my license plate, but I decided to keep it so it can get me out of more tickets. 

The cop said this funny and interesting thing:  "I got you for speeding back in Landing and I just caught up with you here in Ledgewood."  That's about a 5-mile difference, most of which is on 4-lane 50-mph roads.  I drive a 4-cylinder Toyota Camry.  It's a great car, but it's obviously no V-8 Police Interceptor.  For this idiot to take 5 miles to catch up to a "speeding" Japanese import says a lot about his ability as a patroller of our roads. 

Forget the fact that I got charged a late fee for each ticket because I didn't pay them on time because I was traveling for two weeks.  Not a big deal; I have money out the yin yang.  As I'm looking at the ticket, I see this:  "To make payment via the Internet or for more information, log on to:  www.njmcdirect.com".  Isn't that awesome?  Not only can I pay my ticket online, but I can get credit card reward points for doing it.  Cha-ching!

The best part about this ordeal is that the roads are now safer because I'm paying more money for car insurance.  God bless America. #travel

Urban Outfitters is selling Charlie Brown's pathetic Christmas tree.  Genius. #products

There's a town just north of Chicago O'Hare International Airport.  It's called Des Plaines.  I'm assuming it's pronounced something like Des Moines, Iowa, which is "Da Moyn".  So this city would be "Da Plain" or, to complete this joke, "Da Plane".  (Airport ... plane.  C'mon people, keep up.) #travel

Here's what people deem important to talk about while in the airport and on the plane.  It's like a play-by-play:

I'm in the airport.
I just checked in.
We're just about to board.
I'm on the plane.
We're sitting on the runway.
Our flight is delayed.
We just landed.
We're taxiing to the terminal.
I just got off the plane.
I'm in the terminal.
I just got my bag from the carousel.

This stuff wouldn't be that big of a deal, except for the fact that there are about 65 million people in any given airport, and about 99.4875% of these people have cell phones.  More people around the country knew about my flight being delayed than were on the actual plane that was delayed. #technology

Sometimes (actually all the time) when I'm driving, my sole purpose is to pass whoever is in front of me.  I don't care if they're going 7 mph or 80.  I need to get past them.  This could be one of my major downfalls.  Actually, I think it is.  But I think there's a relatively valid reason for it:  I don't trust people.  I don't have faith in another person's ability to drive.  And this has been proven to me time and time again.  A person will suddenly put on their breaks as they're going 65 mph.  Why?  They're on their cell phone.  Or a person will have their turn signal on for about 40 miles.  Are they turning?  No.  Eventually?  No.  These people are bona fide idiots.  Or just unobservant.  Either way, they're not safe.  And when I'm driving behind a person on one of those 2-lane roads in a 45 mph zone, and the person keeps putting on their brakes because the car a half mile ahead of them puts on their breaks, I'll blow past that person because they're driving like an idiot.  I see this as getting myself out of danger.  I can't trust this idiot in front of me.  Hence, pass. 

But the weird thing is that I do the same thing when I snowboard.  And this is pretty dumb.  I'm not the best at traveling down a steep, snow-covered hill with a piece of fiberglass strapped to my feet.  But when I see someone in front of me, I'll speed up and pass them.  It's for the same reason:  I can't trust my well-being to the balance of the person in front of me.  I don't know if they might fall and take me out, so I'd rather not take the chance.  But the problem is that I tend to lose control when I reach a certain speed and whenever I get near another snowboarder or skier.  It's a mental thing.  So my objective ends up failing as I tumble painfully down the mountain. #travel

Kosher is the English word for a Hebrew word that means "fit", and more specifically, fit for Jewish consumption.  On food packaging, a circled U means that it has been certified by the Orthodox Union to be Kosher.  The word "Pareve" or "Parve" means that it contains neither milk nor meat.  However, fish is sometimes considered parve, so be careful. #food

I always notice weird things when I travel.

• A guy dropped his tissue on the floor in the airport, picked it up, and used it.
• Mullets
• People drink alcohol at any time of day
• The most annoying human beings on earth:  the guy who sat behind me on the plane and cleared his throat every 45 seconds; the guy who sat across from me who fell asleep and snored the whole time
• Fanny packs
• The most annoying sounds on earth:  the pull-down tray at my seat that rattled as soon as the plane moved and which couldn't be stopped no matter what I did
• Married guys (except me) going to strip clubs
• Flattops
• People picking wedgies without trying to hide it #travel

Let me go on the record to say that I hate politics.  As smart Mike said, "Politics naturally divides."  I'm so uninterested in elections and current events because I see no relevance.  But I can see why people think this stuff is important.  Politics is (or are ... whatever, I ain't no english major) the institution that runs our country and our whole entire way of life.  It makes our decisions, it allows or prohibits our freedoms, it decides our future.  I understand the right-wing Christian perspective of putting conservatives in high positions to get rid of things like abortion, gay marriage, and doctor-assisted suicide.  I understand the reasoning behind these ideas.  But I think it's a fight not worth fighting.  I think our country is beyond repair.  I don't think a few changes in politics will make any difference at all.  Plus, as smart guy Scott once said, you can't legislate moral changes. 

My other critique of politics is that it's not really run by the people.  They make it look like the common man has a say in things by giving him the right to vote.  But for the presidential election, where do our votes go?  In the trash.  This is because the electoral college is the body that makes the final decision.  They can take our opinion into account.  Or not.  And even without the electoral college problem, you have the state majority problem, which is the fact that an individual's vote is swallowed up by the state's popular vote, meaning that if a person hypothetically voted republican in a democrat-ridden state, that person's vote would be rendered meaningless.  I may or may not be speaking from personal experience. 

I understand the reason the electoral college exists.  It's basically so that a candidate can't win an election by only campaigning in big cities and thereby neglecting the rural areas.  But just because I somewhat understand doesn't mean I have to agree with it or be happy with it.  I still think it's stupid. 

And my final (for now) argument against politics is that it's driven by rich people.  You don't become a politician unless you have a bunch of money you can use for campaigning purposes.  And yes, politicians raise money for campaigning.  But they have a lot to begin with.  So in other words, if you have a lot of money, you might want to consider politics as a profession.  You'll be among friends.  Just look at the mayor of New York City, Mike Bloomberg.  I know nothing about this guy or his politics, except that he's so rich, he does his job for no pay.  I think that's kind of cool, except for the fact that it means he's doing the job basically for fun.  And the problem with having lots of money is that you tend to own things.  He owns his own media outlet.  The combination of politics and media is never good. #politics

Add this to my endless criticism of the worst website on earth:  weather.com.

I would venture a guess and say that the purpose of weather.com is to provide information about the weather.  I'm not so sure the owners of the site/service understand that.  Look at their link structure for hourly and weekend (and other) forecasts: 

http://www.weather.com/activities/other/other/weather/fcst-hrly.html

Among their many "activities" are health, travel, driving, events, etc.  And then there's the "other" category.  What do you think is in that category?  Who knows?  Maybe it's sports, food, and TV.  And then there's another "other" category.  Here you might find things like bugs, violence, hopscotch, and oh yeah, weather.  Weather is one of the things in the "other" category of the "other" category in the "activities" category of WEATHER DOT COM.  Perhaps, now bear with me here, maybe, just maybe, by some amazing stretch of the imagination, they could have "weather" as one of their main focuses, since, ya know, their site is called weather.com.  WEATHER.com.  Not information.com.  Not every-topic-on-earth.com.  WEATHER.com.  Let's focus on weather, ya big buncha idiots. 

Oh, and while I'm at it:  maybe they could make weather retrieval slightly easier.  When I enter in the name of a city and only one option comes up in the search results, automatically display the weather in that city.  Don't give me the option to go to that city or not.  If I searched for it, I want to see the weather.  It wasn't just a search to see if that city exists or to see if weather is recorded in that city.  Idiots. 

Starting now, one of my lifelong dreams is to buy weather.com, remove all the stupid ads and junk and spyware, and offer it as a free service.  People would love me so much, I would probably become the most important human of the 21st century. #technology