Commander Keen Dec 13, 2005
Commander Keen is a computer game from 1990 that changed the world as we know it.  Well, maybe not.  But it was cool when I was like 10. 



Keen 1 - Invasion of the Vorticons Episode 1
Keen 2 - Invasion of the Vorticons Episode 2
Keen 3 - Invasion of the Vorticons Episode 3
Keen Dreams
Keen 4 - Secret of the Oracle
Keen 5 - Goodbye Galaxy
Keen 6 - Aliens Ate My Babysitter #entertainment
Electronica Dec 12, 2005
Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive music.
~ Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

This is a great quote because it validates the non-pop-music-fan's (my) feelings about pop music.  It's not entirely accurate, but try to take my side for a second:  "...running around (dancing) in darkened rooms (clubs), munching magic pills (ecstasy) and listening to repetitive music (techno)."  It's funny.  Yes it is. 

The problem is that this quote is completely made up.  It's attributed to Kristian Wilson, a presumed Nintendo employee whose identity and employment has yet to be verified.  The real author is apparently Marcus Brigstocke, who came up with the quote as part of his standup routine.  Wikipedia verifies it, though Wikipedia is unfortunately sometimes wrong. #entertainment
Halo and 2 Peter Dec 12, 2005
This guy claims that the story of the XBox game Halo is taken from 2 Peter chapter 2.  I don't know about this... #religion
Bad day (2) Dec 12, 2005
Whenever you think you're having a bad day, just look at this guy:
This funny picture is of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, believed to be the dude behind 9-11.  When he was found, he mentioned something about having "a case of the Mondays". #lifestyle
Bad breath Dec 12, 2005
Newsflash:  Even if you brush your teeth in the morning, you might still have bad breath. 

I don't think a lot of people understand this concept.  People think, "Hey, I brushed my teeth at 6:30 this morning.  It's 10:30.  I'm still good."  They couldn't be more hopelessly wrong.  Unless you're chewing gum or doing something else to change what's going on in there, your mouth is a festering cesspool of bacteria and disease.  So unless you have reason to think otherwise, assume you have bad breath.  And then do something about it.  Or at least don't breathe in my face.  Ya jerk. 

Or do what I do:  Drink coffee.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  If you can't improve the smell of your breath, mask it with something even worse. #health
Radio news (2) Dec 12, 2005
I have a suggestion for Ted Turner/Rupert Murdoch:  Start a news program on the radio that actually reports news, like a CNN Headline News type of thing.  I can't stand listening to those stupid morning talk shows on FM radio, so I lower myself to AM radio.  The problem with AM radio is that they break everything down into 10-minute intervals, spending about 1 minute on traffic, 1 minute on weather, 2 minutes on sports, and 5.75 minutes on commercials, leaving them with about 15 seconds to actually talk about something worthwhile.  And what do they talk about?  The Monica Lewinsky scandal!  No, actually, I can't even remember what they talked about this morning because it was so painfully worthless. 

So instead of having a couple of meatheads talk about some trivial little crapola, maybe we could have some nobodies talk about something.  Instead of focusing on "personalities" just give me the stupid news.  And instead of talking about traffic and weather (the two things I can look out my window and have as much information about as someone hovering in a helicopter over my car), talk about what's going on in the world.  Around the world in 80 seconds.  But extend it to about 25 or 30 minutes, because that's how long my commute is. 

And while I'm at it, I would suggest that you get rid of all commercials.  Nobody likes commercials, so just get rid of them.  Listen to the people.  Fight the man. 

My only other suggestion would be to introduce comic news to the radio.  A Daily Show type of thing.  I, like most people in my demographic who use the Daily Show for their primary news source, find it to be informing and entertaining.  Quite a combination.  If you can teach me while making me laugh, kudos. #entertainment
Gift card Dec 10, 2005
Ok, I'll say it:  Giving gift cards for Christmas or birthdays is like saying, "I gave up, so here's some money for my inability to think of anything."  I feel bad saying that, because a lot of people give gift cards as a viable gift, instead of buying something that the person won't like.  It's a great idea.  And a lot of people ask for gift cards.  So instead of returning stuff to the store, they can just get something they want.  And I personally love gift cards.  Sometimes it's hard to say exactly what I want, so I just ask for a gift card to an electronics store or Amazon.  I'm such a frequent shopper at Amazon that I'd definitely have no problem using a gift card. 

But I also think it kind of gets away from the idea of giving gifts.  Giving things to kids is one thing:  They don't have jobs; they don't have money with which to buy things.  So they depend on other people to buy things for them.  But buying gifts for adults always feels pointless to me.  These people have money to buy things and cars to drive themselves to the stores at which said buying takes place.  This is assuming that we're buying them something they want.  What if we surprise them with something they don't want?  Well, then it's still something they don't want.  So they can add it to the collection of things they don't want and continue to wish they had the things they wanted.  [This is all really hypothetical.  I'm not writing from personal feelings or experience.  It's something I heard some leftist liberal say.  How's that for defamation?]  Instead of going through the trouble of asking people what they want, shopping for them, and then going through the awkward gift exchange process, why don't we just give each other money?  But then we'd probably end up getting the same amount of money we gave, so the whole thing would be an exercise in futility. 

In conclusion, we should end the tradition of giving gifts for Christmas and birthdays, unless the gift is something the person couldn't otherwise afford.  That's always nice to see.  It's like all those Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition things. #business
Rockstar voice Dec 8, 2005
I wish I had a rockstar voice.  A rockstar voice is that gritty, angry sound that rockstars use that makes anything sound cool.  It's what's holding me back from becoming a rockstar.  Well, that and the fact that I don't really want to be a rockstar.  I don't think it would fit my current lifestyle. 

I listen to some bands and I'm amazed at their lead singer's rockstar voice.  Take Jet, for example.  That guy has the best "Yeah!" I've ever heard.  All they needed to do was put some guitars and drums behind it, and they'd have instant success.  And that's exactly what they did.  Another example is AC/DC.  Sure, the guy constantly screams, but you can't beat it.  Anything he says is screamed with a rockstar voice.  A newer example that I stumbled upon recently is Audioslave.  I don't really like Audioslave.  I think they're weak and overrated.  But there's this song called "Doesn't Remind Me" and it's awesome.  Chris Cornell definitely has a rockstar voice.  Kurt Cobain is another guy who could make anything sound cool with his rockstar voice. 

Phish is an example of a band who's lead singer doesn't have a rockstar voice.  But their strong point isn't really vocals; it's live energy.  But that's a different story. #music
Mom said no Dec 8, 2005
I just realized this yesterday:  Pretty much everything I buy is based on what my mom wouldn't buy me when I was a kid.  Not to diss my mom.  She's great.  But she denied me like most moms would.  I can definitely say that it helped shape who I am today.  Since I'm still that same 6-year-old kid in a 23-year-old's body (and 45-year-old's clothes), I bought some cookies from the food store yesterday.  But in addition to the cookies, I got a few boxes of fruit snacks and a package of those pumpkin-shaped candies that have the same consistency as candy corn.  These are things that my mom would've said no to.  And that's part of the reason I bought them.  I'm in a phase in my life where I'm doing everything I couldn't do when I was a kid.  I'm buying candy, playing video games, staying up late [not anymore], etc.  I wonder when this phase will end?  When will I become a real grownup? #psychology
Milk Dec 8, 2005
I wonder who the first dude was who came to the conclusion that it would be acceptable and beneficial to milk an animal and drink the associated product.  How did this come about?  I wonder if there were two caveman hicks sitting on a porch who decided, "Hey let's go pull on those protrusions coming out of the pouch on the bottom of that cow!"  How did they get to that point?  Some might question how they got to the point of eating animals in the first place.  Ignoring the idea of God creating the universe and telling people what to do, I think we can assume that early people did things out of instinct.  They ate animals, they drank water, they ate fruits and berries.  But where did the milking come from?  That follows no logical progression.  Milk from animals isn't something that's required for us to get by in life.  We can get the same vitamins and minerals from food.  Weird. 

This is the kind of question that keeps me up at night. #food