Onion sports Jan 25, 2007
The Onion's sports section is hilarious.  Recent football headlines include: 
Peyton Manning Looking Forward To Ninth Annual Super-Bowl-Watching Party (#)

Bill Parcells: 'I've Always Hated Football' (#)

Americans Wondering What They Did To Deserve This Much Joe Buck (#)

Bears Lead Rex Grossman To Super Bowl (#)
Reminder:  The Onion is a fake news site. #sports
F.I.G.H.T. Jan 19, 2007
Fierce Israeli Guerrilla Hand-to-hand Tactics (F.I.G.H.T.) is a self-defense program based on an Israeli self-defense system called Haganah.  Essentially, it's a way for a smaller person or body (think Israel) to defend itself against a larger, stronger person or body (think the Israel-hostile Arab world).  Unlike other self-defense systems, it doesn't advocate the use of pepper spray, calling for help, or locking yourself in your car.  Instead, it emphasizes the idea of turning the attack on the attacker with fist and elbow strikes, leg and groin kicks, takedowns, joint locks/breaks, chokes, gun disarmament, and knife defense.  A typical training session is usually located at a martial arts center and consists of 1-on-1 practice scenarios where each person learns how to defend against a typical type of attack, such as a front face punch, a rear choke, or a running takedown.  All scenarios are broken down into an initial defense, a point of reference, and an objective.  The initial defense is meant to short-circuit the attacker and usually consists of some sort of block and a punch or kick.  The point of reference is the same or similar for almost all scenarios and consists of some sort of center-clinch headlock or side-clinch arm grab, accompanied by knee strikes and an elbow in the face/neck.  The objective is either to take the attacker down to the ground (to get out of the situation or to handcuff them), incapacitate them (break an arm or leg), or terminate them (break their neck or dislodge their esophagus).  Each practice scenario is meant to train a person's muscle memory so there won't be any hesitation in a real scenario.  Everything is done at less than half speed and intensity so there are no major injuries or deaths.  A typical F.I.G.H.T. practitioner will regularly receive a variety of bumps and bruises, with the advantage being that the person will develop a higher tolerance for physical pain. 

This is what I've been doing twice a week for the past 4 months.  It's awesome.  I originally thought about getting into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu because of my interest in UFC.  But after reading more about it and watching a practice session at a martial arts center, I wasn't that interested in how much it resembled wrestling.  But at the same martial arts center, they had classes for this thing called Israeli self-defense.  I checked it out and haven't turned back since. 

Another part of the reason for my interest in this stuff is that my life has changed over the past few years.  If somebody robbed me in college, they wouldn't have made out with much.  But now I have a car and a house and things in my house, and I feel at least a little vulnerable and protective.  And as the "man" of the house, I feel a strange desire to protect what's mine, including my wife and my cats.  I wouldn't go so far as to buy a gun or keep a butcher's knife under my pillow, but I definitely see the value of knowing how to protect myself if I'm attacked. #sports
Field goals (3) Jan 15, 2007
The field goal is an essential part of football.  When a touchdown is just out of reach, 3 points are a good consolation prize.  But the recent Colts vs. Ravens playoff game took things just a little too far.  The final score was 15-6, and all points were scored with field goals.  With this in mind, I have a two-part opinion: 
  1. If a team doesn't score any touchdowns, they don't deserve to win.  This is football, not soccer.  The winning team should score at least one touchdown, or at least get a safety or two.
  2. There should be a maximum number of field goals a team can kick per game.  For example, after 3 field goals, a team should be forbidden from kicking another.  Instead, they should have to either punt or go for it.
A game-winning field goal is one thing, but winning a game with field goals is another. #sports
Sports fights Dec 19, 2006
As a result of the recent NBA fight and the T.O. spitting incident, I have a suggestion for professional sports organizations:  Allow fights.  Let them happen.  Heck, even encourage them.  Under two conditions:  Players must fight by the rules, and a referee must be nearby to enforce the rules.  The rules should be something like the ones in the UFC:  Wear lightly-padded gloves; fists, elbows, knees, and feet can be used for striking; points are awarded for takedowns and grappling; a winner is decided by knockout, submission, or a judge's decision.  Other than that, just let them go at it.  Professional male athletes are positively brewing with testosterone.  And a lot of guys get pretty emotional whether they're winning or losing.  Fighting is inevitable.  So instead of making it a national spectacle every time there's a major fight, set up a system that enables players to fight in a relatively safe and fair manner.  And just think of the marketing potential.  It shouldn't come as a surprise (though it does for a bunch of people) that fights during sporting events are exciting.  They're fun to watch.  Every time there's an extra push or a shirt-grab or a face-to-face verbal exchange, the fans are on the edges of their seats, fists in the air, ready to cheer on whoever they think will win.  Can you say typical male demographic, ages 18-35, mildly athletic, interested in sports/action/fighting/aggression?  Can you say captive audience? 

Let's face it, fighting during sporting events is inevitable.  Why stop it?  Let's see some fights. #sports
Defensive wins Dec 4, 2006
I used to have a shirt from a basketball camp that said, "Offense wins games.  Defense wins championships."  While that's one of the stupidest ideas ever created, it was at least slightly true for the Chicago Bears yesterday.  And while their game against the Minnesota Vikings wasn't a championship game, the Bears' defense literally won the game.  Well, actually it was the defense and the special teams.  But no matter how you look at it, it had nothing to do with the offense.  Bears quarterback Rex Grossman went 6/19, 34 yards, 0 TDs, and 3 INTs, which, for all intents and purposes, is abysmal.  The Bears' offense scored a grand total of 7 of the 23 points in game.  Essentially, without the defense and special teams, the Bears would've lost 13-7.  But hey, who needs an offense when you consistently win games? #sports
Outcoached (2) Nov 17, 2006
I keep hearing the term "outcoached" in player commentaries following NFL games.  It usually goes something like this:  "We lost the game because we were outplayed and outcoached."  Outplayed, yes.  Outcoached, meh.  It's an excuse.  It's coming from a player who doesn't agree with the decisions his coach made.  It doesn't mean he would've made better ones if he was given a chance.  It just means he thinks he could be a better coach.  While this sometimes appears to be a logical statement, it's not.  It's like claiming to know more than God.  "If I were God, I wouldn't have created saturated fat."  "If I were the coach, I would've passed more to T.O."  It's easy to claim to know more than the person in charge, but it's hard to prove and usually isn't true.  Plus, it's a subtle way of taking a jab at a specific person or group of people (of which the player is not a member).  If a player says, "We were outplayed," he's taking at least some of the blame himself.  The team could've done better.  The players could've played better.  The player is included in the group of players who could've played better.  But by saying, "We were outcoached," the player is blame-shifting and putting some of the pressure and criticism on the coaches.  It's unfair, it's stupid, and it makes the team look bad.  If a player wants to think that, let him think it.  But don't say it to the media. #sports
Speedflying Nov 16, 2006
Last winter, while snowboarding down some snow-covered mountains, I periodically had a thought:  Wouldn't it be cool if there was a way to use the speed you gain while traveling downhill to create lift and fly?  A couple of crazy Frenchmen (I think) have done exactly that by successfully inventing the sport of speedflying, a combination of skiing and parachuting.  These two videos show it being done.  Where do I sign up?  (via kottke) #sports
Quarterback (2) Nov 16, 2006
John Madden on the importance of the quarterback: 
Color commentator John Madden spent the third quarter of the San Diego Chargers-Denver Broncos game explaining exactly how important it is for an NFL team to have a quarterback. "You're definitely gonna need one of these guys on your team if you want to have any success in the NFL," Madden said, explaining how having somebody standing directly behind the center when the ball is snapped provides a feeling of stability and consistency. "If Denver, for example, didn't have a quarterback, they could maybe hand the ball off to the running back, but there's absolutely no way the Broncos could pass the ball to the receivers. Frankly, I don't know how the Raiders do it." Madden later went on to talk about how different football would be if there were no end zone and the field "just went on and on forever."
This is why I've been reading the Onion lately. #sports
Football season Oct 30, 2006
I really like football.  And I really like the time of year that's referred to as football season.  In my opinion, no other time of year is as wonderfully synonymous with a specific sport as fall/winter is with football.  Baseball takes up the greater part of an entire year, and it's filled with thousands of games played at various times of day on any given day of the week.  Basketball season is sort of behind-the-scenes; you need to make an effort to actually see a game.  And hockey?  That's hardly even a consideration.  But football ... now football is a great sport.  You can place much confidence in the times and frequency of football games.  Sundays have games at 1, 4, and 8 (or something close to that).  Mondays have a game at around 8.  Only around major holidays is this any different.  Significant life events and major social gatherings can be organized around football.  Who ever heard of a World Series party?  Not me.  But how many people remember what they were doing when their team was in the Super Bowl?  I was 8 years old and I jumped out of my seat when the Buffalo Bills missed a field goal in the last few seconds of Super Bowl XXV, giving the Giants a 20-19 victory (yes I used to be a Giants fan; now I'm easily swayed by seasonal differences and geographical constraints).  Plus, watching football aligns so well with the changing of seasons (this probably isn't quite as true for warm places like Florida and California).  As the weather gets colder, people tend to spend less time outside.  The grass doesn't grow, so it doesn't need to be cut.  It eventually gets too cold to do other outside odd-jobs, so more time is spent inside.  And what better way to spend time with family and friends than with good-hearted rivalry and sportsmanship? (Wendy:  "You suck and so do the Eagles"; Yinka:  "Dear NYG Fan (s) ... That is probably one of the most pathetic team performances in sports history.").  But seriously, it's good to be able to sit around and do very little instead of the normal working, cleaning, fixing, cooking, socializing, Bible-studying, etc. #sports
Injury time limit Oct 23, 2006
I, along with several other people, believe there should be an injury time limit in the NFL.  If a player is injured, he should be allowed 30 seconds to get himself off the field.  If he is unable to get himself off the field in that amount of time, he should simply be taken off in a stretcher.  The bottom line is that time shouldn't be wasted every time a player goes down.  Injuries often aren't as bad as they seem, and injured players usually only sit out for a play or two and then come back in.  Plus, whenever a player goes down with an injury, he must leave the field for at least one play.  If we know the conclusion, the only thing that's preventing the conclusion from occurring is a player writhing in pain on the ground.  He could just as easily be writhing in pain on the sideline, which is where he'll eventually be anyway.  So instead of filling most of my Sundays with injury timeouts and subsequent commercial breaks, injured players should by given a fighting chance to get themselves off the field, and if they can't, they should be forcibly taken off. #sports