Follow directions Mar 30, 2009
As a hypothetical situation, let's assume I'm throwing a party at my house where the theme will be fruit juice tasting.  Each person will bring a different flavor or style of fruit juice, and then we'll all drink 'em up and vote for the best one.  The entire night hinges on the fact that each person must bring a different flavor, otherwise we'll all be stuck drinking store brand apple juice because it's the cheapest and easiest to find, and as such, the invitations specifically ask each person to reply with which fruit juice they'll be bringing.  Lo and behold, about one-third of the people follow these directions, with the remaining people either bringing duplicates or calling me from the store right before the party to see if their choice is ok.  Cursed be ye who fail to follow my directions. 

This reminds me of another direction following failure that occurs on a fairly regular basis.  I manage a group email list and occasionally send out an opt-in email, i.e. I ask people to respond if they want to continue receiving my emails, that way the people who would like to opt-out don't have to do anything.  Without fail, I'll see group members in person later who will verbally tell me they'd like to remain on the list.  I'll ask them why they didn't just respond to the email, since they had already received it and gone through the trouble of reading it and comprehending what it said.  They'll say it was easier to tell me in person.  Part of me dies each time this happens. #sociology
Funny because funny Mar 19, 2009
It's my belief that some things are funny simply because another person finds them funny.  They're funny because they're funny.  Such is the case with many puns.  Not many people will actually laugh at a play on words, though I'm one of the few people who will.  And because of this inescapable fact, people will laugh along with/at me because they think it's funny that I think it's funny.  Hey, whatever works. #sociology
New New Year Jan 23, 2009
I think one of the first calendar modifications Barack Obama should initiate after establishing the day after the Super Bowl as a national holiday should be to change the date of New Year's Day from January 1 to whenever the winter solstice is.  That way, instead of celebrating an arbitrary calendar event, at least we would be celebrating something, in this case the transition from days that are gradually shortening to days that are gradually lengthening.  It's like Wednesday being hump day, except that instead of signaling the approaching weekend, new New Year's Day would signal the approaching spring and summer. #sociology
Wanting badly (1) Jan 22, 2009
This is gonna sound really negative, but oh well. 

I think one of biggest lies our society has taught us is that if you want something really badly for a long time, you should have it because you deserve it.  You've always wanted a Porsche, so you should go to ridiculous lengths to get one, then hang out with your faker Porsche friends and talk about the superiority of European engineering.  You've always wanted to own a house, so you should borrow more money than you could ever pay back in order to achieve the so-called American Dream™.  You've always wanted a particular cool-sounding job, so you should quit your current job, leave your family, and make some fool-hearted attempt at creating something out of nothing. 

I think this idea is fine for little kids to believe, but at some point, you just need to accept that it's a lie.  You can't always get what you want.  You won't always succeed.  You can't do anything you put your mind to.  We've all seen way too many movies about people who achieved their dreams against impossible odds.  But guess what -- they're movies.  They're not real.  We can try, and we can have hope, and that's good and all, but just because we want it, doesn't mean we'll get it. 

Moral of the story:  Don't try.  No wait, that sounds too negative.  Moral of the story:  Be realistic. #sociology
Gift excitement Dec 29, 2008
Different people show their excitement in different ways.  This becomes apparent at gift-giving occasions.  Some of us jump up and down and scream and play with our toys immediately.  Others say, "Hey cool," then calmly put it aside and continue drinking their coffee.  Sometimes we'll look back on a gift-giving occasion and wonder why the receiver wasn't as excited as the giver, or we'll think back to a gift-receiving occasion and think, "I wish I showed more excitement for this gift because I want the giver to understand that the gift is significant and I'm really happy with it."  But I think we all need to understand that gift-giving means different things for different people, and the excitement or lack there of is often ill-communicated and misunderstood. #sociology
Name addons Nov 25, 2008
I'm not a fan of name addons, i.e. the things people attach to or insert into their names for personal, professional, or other reasons.  Notable addons include: 
  • Sr., Jr., and numbers, e.g. John Smith, Jr., III.  Just come up with a new name.  There are plenty out there.
  • Middle initial, e.g. John A. Smith.  Way to sound like a jerk.
  • First initial, e.g. J. Ron Smith.  Way to sound like an even bigger jerk.
  • Three first names, e.g. John William Scott.  Prepare for a life of people being unsure of which of your names is your first name.
  • Incomprehensible letters, e.g. John Smith, MBNA, DDT, Esq.  Esq is "a title of respect for a member of the English gentry ranking just below a knight," idiot.
#sociology
Middle initial Nov 18, 2008
Some people (e.g. authors, actors, jerks) insist on using their middle initial (or full middle name) when referring to themselves.  When I refer to them, I intentionally leave their middle initial out.  I will win this game. #sociology
No redeeming qualities (2) Nov 7, 2008
Most people have at least one or two redeeming qualities, as in,
Person 1:  That guy's a jerk.
Person 2:  Yeah but he sure can hold his liquor.
I think I know a person who has absolutely no redeeming qualities.  I was thinking this morning, "That woman is so mean.  But at least she...  Well she has...  That one time she...  Nope.  She's the meanest, grumpiest, most awful person I know."  But I'm still nice to her, hoping that one redeeming quality will someday become evident. #sociology
Cloris Oct 30, 2008
There's a human being named Cloris Leachman.  Yes, Cloris.  That is all. #sociology
Brief observations in France (1) Jul 1, 2008
I was in France for about four hours for a layover, and here's what I came away with: 
  • French people stink.  It might be because it was 90 degrees and humid, and people refuse to wear shorts (more on that later).  But it was probably more so because they don't wear deodorant.  Lovely.  It's a simple fact that I would emanate a foul odor if I didn't wear deodorant, but I have a small amount of respect for my fellow man, so I wear it.
  • French people don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom.  The "stand-up" and the "sit-down" bathroom.  Nice.  To be honest, I almost don't think it's that big of a deal, but it's such an ingrained part of American culture that you at least have to pretend to wash your hands as you leave the bathroom.  At least turn on the sink.
  • The fashion trend for males seems to be to wear dainty little girl shoes, feminine-looking capris (either white or light khaki), and to be as skinny and un-muscular as possible.  I could do that.
  • Hearing the French language spoken either sounds beautiful and poetic or presumptuous and diminutive, depending on who's speaking and the tone they use.
  • Airport security was unusually pleasant and relaxed, and I didn't even have to take off my shoes.  Compared to the U.S., where it's so much more militant and intolerant, it was a breeze.  But then again, France doesn't have to worry about being attacked by terrorists because they don't have an offensive foreign policy.  Or any foreign policy.
Ok so there were a few opinions thrown in among those observations.  So what? #sociology