How my brain works (4) Sep 2, 2009
I'd like to present a glimpse of what goes on in my head when processing a simple task.  For this example, I'll assume someone has just asked me the extremely simple question, "How are you?"  I've written about this in the past, but I feel like quantifying and graphing my thought processes, since that's sort of what happens in my head anyway. 

Human:  How are you?
Me:  [Brain, engage.]
Me:  [I've been asked a question that requires a verbal response.]
Me:  [Typical answers:  Great, good, pretty good, not bad, nothing much (though this is a wrong answer), bad, awful, terrible, null.]
Me:  [Calculating response...]
[Image: moodminutes.png]
Me:  [Events in the past 10 minutes that affected mood:  Thought about something funny that happened earlier, talked to a friend, ate a hot dog.  Average mood = 8.5, or in human terms, "good".]
Me:  [But what about earlier in the day when I was stuck in traffic?]
Me:  [Recalculating...]
[Image: moodhours.png]
Me:  [Events in the past 10 hours that affected mood:  Got stuck in traffic, hit every single red light, listened to a person talk about their dog, sat around in a meeting.  Average mood = 3.8, or in human terms, "bad".]
Me:  [But I had a good day yesterday.  And two days before that.  Should I factor that into my calculation?]
Me:  [Recalculating...]
[Image: mooddays.png]
Me:  [Events in the past 10 days that affected mood:  Went to the beach, got sunburn, relaxed on the couch, slept in.  Average mood = 5.5, or in human terms, "pretty good".]
Me:  Pretty good. #psychology
Casual lip kissing Aug 28, 2009
I don't think it's acceptable to kiss a person on the lips as a casual greeting unless that person is your significant other, in which case the greeting is no longer casual.  In fact, I think it's presumptuous to assume the receiver of a casual lip kiss has even the slightest desire for such a thing.  It's fine if the giver and the receiver both agree that it's an acceptable practice beforehand.  But to go in for the casual lip kiss, assuming the receiver will surely welcome it, is simply offensive. 

Related:  Casual kissing. #psychology
When will you stop talking? (5) Aug 28, 2009
I find it interesting that some people weren't born with the ability to know when the people they're talking to have lost interest in what they're saying.  They don't seem to notice the glazed-over eyes, the repeated glances at the watch or cell phone, or the gradual creep toward the door.  A simple rule of thumb is this:  If you've been talking for two minutes straight and you're not a teacher or professional speaker, you should shut up now.  A conversation involves two parties.  Otherwise it's called a speech. #psychology
Couple name order (2) Jul 28, 2009
My name is Dave.  I married Wendy.  We're "Dave and Wendy," or "Wendy and Dave," depending on who you ask.  I think "Dave and Wendy" sounds the most natural; it rolls off the tongue.  "Wendy and Dave" isn't horrible, but it sounds a little forced.  However, most people refer to us as the latter, likely because everyone hates me. 

I always think about how I should refer to couples.  Which name comes first?  Usually it's the person I knew first.  There's "Dana and Dave" (my sister and brother-in-law) and "Stacy and Nick" (my other sister and brother-in-law).  There's "Mom and Dad" which oddly fits the pattern, and there's "Dave and Wendy," because I met myself before I met Wendy. 

But what about when you meet both people at the same time?  As a rule of thumb, I typically put the man's name first.  It's sexist and self-centered and offensive, but honestly, I just needed a reliable way to list couples in my email address book. 

But also, I'm sexist.  The man is typically the original owner of the last name, so putting the woman's name first makes it sound like she might've kept her last name or might not even be married to the guy (which isn't terrible, but certainly makes my little system more complicated).  And that's even how the new couple is announced at their wedding.  (On a related note, the bride-to-be's name should be placed before the groom-to-be's on the invitations, a fact I stupidly ignored and feel slightly bad about to this day.)  Also, there's that whole Christian "man is the head of the household" thing, which doesn't necessarily mean he's in charge, but that he gets blamed when things go wrong. 

When all else fails, I go by height order.  Since most men are taller than their mates, it usually fits into my existing system.  And yes, I'm taller than Wendy.  Double win. #psychology
Disgusting eater Jun 25, 2009
I spent some time with a guy last week who was a horrifically disgusting eater.  He's one of those people who will talk right after taking a bite of something, and it always sounds like he's eating peanut butter.  Every liquid he drinks is loudly slurped, and every slurp is following by a ridiculous, drawn-out sigh.  It was so painful to spend time with this guy while he was eating, I had to wonder how he was able to form any type of meaningful relationships in life.  Magically, he did.  He's married with a few kids.  I considered driving my car off a cliff after our first (of several) meal together. #psychology
Me x 10 Jun 23, 2009
I would describe myself as, among other things, cheap and difficult to talk to.  Last week I spent some time with people who have these same qualities, but times ten.  I have to say, I'd rather eat my own pinkie than spend another second waiting for someone to decide between the regular fries or the $0.40-extra curly fries, or standing around trying to make small talk that keeps degenerating into awkward topics like dismemberment and terminal illness.  I'm a weird and flawed person, but there are people out there who are worse than me. #psychology
Breaking point Jun 2, 2009
I've come to the humbling realization that I have a breaking point.  It's all in my head, but it consists of a combination of physical, emotional, and psychological components.  When one of those components is missing, I'm strong and confident, capable of anything and everything.  But the right combination of those three things breaks me.  I give up.  I quit.  I make irrational decisions and have a hard time coping.  When I think about it later, I feel stupid and weak for not pushing through it.  But that's because I'm not in the situation anymore.  It's easy to feel unbreakable when I'm outside the situation that broke me. #psychology
Ignorant arguing May 27, 2009
I really can't stand when people argue about things they don't fully comprehend.  There are these two guys at work who usually start up a little discussion sometime each day which typically goes something like this: 
Guy 1:  Did you hear about [this completely stupid thing]?  I think it means [this completely ridiculous conclusion]. 
Guy 2:  I heard it means [this other completely ridiculous conclusion]. 
Guy 1:  I hadn't considered [that completely ridiculous conclusion], but I think I'm right because I think I heard it somewhere. 
Guy 2:  I think I'm right too because I think I read it somewhere, though I have no actual data upon which to base [my completely ridiculous conclusion] and no credible sources with which to back up my lack of data. 
Me:  I wonder how many crayons I would need to stick up my nose before my brain would rupture and I would be prevented from hearing this. 
Just admit it, neither of you is the slightest bit sure of what you're talking about, so just take 14 seconds and Google it so you at least have a partially basic understanding of the things you know nothing about.  I'm not saying the citizens of the world need to be experts about everything, and I'm not saying it's a horrible thing to be ignorant on a certain topic.  But just admit it.  Come to terms with your lack of knowledge and say, "You know what?  Before I continue to spew my informationlessness and utter lies, I'll shut my damn mouth and look it up." #psychology
No more words May 27, 2009
Stephan Pastis, author of the comic Pearls Before Swine, blogged about his recent experience on a plane: 
Flew back from Hollywood yesterday and wanted to let you know that if any of you are having trouble speaking today, I know why.

The woman sitting across from me on the plane used up all the words.
This is even funnier if you read the comic and know a little bit about the character of Rat.  Pastis recently said this:  "Rat's voice is effectively my voice.  If I could, I'd write for Rat every day." #psychology
Introversion May 26, 2009
Kottke linked to some stuff about introverted people, including my favorite, "Caring for Your Introvert," which makes it sound like caring for a pet, or more accurately, a pet rock.  This section stands out: 
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating.
As a card-carrying introvert, I couldn't agree more.  It may seem weird that I married a card-carrying extrovert, but upon introvertedly thinking about it some more, I've determined that it's almost like a survival technique.  I use Wendy sort of like a shield to protect my introvertedness.  She talks to people, answers questions, and tells stories while I stand around and pretend to be sociable, all the while silently analyzing the situation and people involved, and planning my eventual escape. #psychology