Death by Jun 10, 2009
Upon considering the methods by which I would like to die (what, I'm the only one who thinks about that?), food seems to be an integral aspect.  Alcohol, fast cars, dangerous activities -- these things I could go with or without.  But food -- I like food.  I really like food.  I really like the act of eating, almost to the point of being an addiction.  Thankfully my stomach can't handle more than a certain volume, otherwise it switches directions.  But food, and specifically sugar, seems like a good way to die.  I respect death-by-chocolate cakes, but I'm not really much of a fan.  Call it death-by-Klondike-Bar and I might sign up.  Add Cool Whip and brown sugar/cinnamon and we'd have a deal. #food
More money than God Jun 10, 2009
I hear the term "more money than God" on a fairly regular basis, as in "Mel Gibson doesn't care about paying some DUI fines because he's got more money than God."  I wonder how much money a person would need to make before they earned that distinction?  Under $10 million is sort of chump change.  Certainly more change than I have, but still not enough to compete with God.  You can buy a nice house, a boat, and send your kids to a good college, but it's not even enough to buy a jet, which is the de facto symbol of disgusting mega-wealth.  I would say $50 million is almost there but not quite.  You could still be affected by big swings in the stock market, and you probably wouldn't even have enough to win be elected to public office.  Triple digit millions seems to be where it's at.  That's when you can afford the biggest toys, you can make people listen to you by buying TV shows, and you can purchase islands and still have money left over to build skyscrapers on said islands. #money
Hadaka Matsuri Jun 9, 2009
Today's Ripley's mentions Hadaka Matsuri, the Japanese "naked festival" where men wearing thongs and loin cloths (or sometimes nothing) get drunk, run around outside in February, and eventually scramble around on the ground with all the other men to pick up sacred sticks thrown by priests, all in the name of purification and luck.  I can't really add anything to this. #sociology
NY state roads Jun 8, 2009
I don't know what the problem is with the people who came up with the names/numbers for the roads in New York state.  In the north Catskills, there are Routes 23, 23A, 23B, and 23C, all of which travel in varying directions, sometimes running parallel to one another, sometimes perpendicular.  Nearby is Route 9W which, contrary to the convention used by every other road in every other town in every other state in the entire country (if not the world), employs the "W" not as a directional indicator but simply as an arbitrary letter to differentiate it from Route 9.  (Oh, and it goes north-south, which I suppose makes it easier.  I can kind of understand going on 9W South.  My brain would melt if I had to go on 9W East.)  Here's an idea:  Use a different number.  Surely there aren't 999 numbered roads in New York and they simply ran out of numbers.  If so, there are 9000 other 4-digit possibilities.  Pick one. #travel
Good puker (2) Jun 8, 2009
The few times I've puked in the last several years have taught me that I'm a pretty good puker.  Whether it's from alcohol or that horrible malady that cursed me after Christmas '08, I tend to go through a series of thoughts before I puke. 
  1. I think I'm gonna puke.
  2. Crap.  I hate puking.
  3. I'll wait it out.
  4. Nope, I'm definitely gonna puke.
  5. Like RIGHT NOW.
  6. I'm not 7 anymore, so let me find a receptacle or a toilet.
  7. Release the beast.
  8. Take the rest of the week off because puking exhausts me.
In the end, I do the deed, and I clean up after myself.  Nobody holds my hair (also, I don't have hair) or has to clean up after me.  There are really only a handful of things in life that a person can truly be good at.  For me, puking is one of them. 

Not so for two of my friends.  One friend puked directly on me and the other friend hit the deck (literally, with puke) and employed the use of a bucket holder.  That's what happens when your life follows that of Jerry Seinfeld, whose TV character held a 14-year non-vomit streak.  I guess practice makes perfect. #health
Daily payments (2) Jun 5, 2009
One of the tactics used by a salesperson that recently came to my house was to calculate how much an item would cost on a daily basis.  For the ridiculously overpriced blender he was trying to sell, it worked out to something like $2 per day.  He conveniently left out the number of days the price was divided by, so for all I know, it could've been $2 per day for the rest of my life. 

As stupid as this tactic is, it's actually kind of a useful way to look at certain purchases.  One of my co-workers successfully justified his purchase of a $3000 laptop by saying that it'll last for 10 years, so really it's like $300 per year, which isn't a ton of money.  If he went with a $1500 laptop that lasted maybe 6 years, that's $250 per year, which is only $50 less than the more expensive laptop. 

The main problem with this method of viewing purchases is that the payments typically aren't spread out over time.  For blenders and laptops, the money is spent up front, so viewing it as a per-year investment is slightly misleading.  A house or a car on the other hand is usually paid for with a loan, and the payments are spread out over months and years (and decades -- hooray mortgages!), so comparing payments makes sense.  In the end, it's all just a mind game that helps fickle consumers justify their expenses.  If I can work the numbers right, I'll be able to justify the purchase of a Palm Pre.  Work with me, Excel! #business
287 → 80 Jun 4, 2009
Hey New Jersey highway engineers, who the hell designed the exit from 287N to 80E?  Hey, let's go 75 mph, slow down to zero, then speed back up to 75 while driving behind slow trucks and trying to merge with traffic traveling the speed of light.  Apparently they're gonna fix it soon.  Soon as in 2011. #travel
Bunny lick Jun 4, 2009
This isn't a great picture, but it proves a point. 



Dora the bunny licks everything.  It doesn't matter if it has a flavor or not.  Wood, fingers, plastic, jeans.  Everything.  Strange little animal. 
[Image: doralickzoom.jpg]
#nature
Person-to-person sales Jun 4, 2009
I have mixed feelings about person-to-person sales things like PartyLite, Tastefully Simple, and others.  On the one hand, the products are similar to things you'd find in a store, but they're usually better or different in some way.  I'm not all that into candles so I can't say much about PartyLite, but I can say from experience that the Tastefully Simple party that took place at my house a few months ago was the best female-centric food-eating sales event I've ever witnessed. 

But on the other hand, the thought keeps coming to my mind, if I wanted to buy something, I'd be at a store.  I'm very skeptical when it comes to salespeople because I know all they're doing is trying to make money.  Why else would you come to my house and try to sell me kitchen gadgets?  Because you're so convinced of their amazingness that you just have to spread the word?  No, it's because you got roped into some pyramid scheme where you're trying your best to make a buck by selling things to uninterested people who don't want your products.  To be fair, we use a PartyLite candle at least once a week, and the food we've gotten from Tastefully Simple has been the centerpiece of quite a few social engagements.  But seriously I could've probably gotten similar things at a store. 

Then there's the whole issue of helping a friend out by buying things from the company they represent, which I'm all for, but where do I draw the line?  If every one of my friends worked for some person-to-person sales company, would I buy all my unnecessary, overpriced novelty foods and gizmos from them?  Where would it end? #business
Lunchtime walks Jun 4, 2009
I absolutely love the few minutes at or around lunch where I walk outside in the fresh air, get away from people trying to talk to me, and stop staring at a computer screen.  I find some days that suddenly the clock will strike 5pm and I'll leave work and think what exactly did I do today?  Taking a walk mid-day helps me clear my mind and focus. #health