26 (2) Apr 18, 2008
Today I turn 26.  Here's what I should've written when I turned 25: 
  1. I've officially reached my mid-20s.
  2. I'm halfway to 50.
  3. I'm a quarter century old.
  4. I can finally rent a car (which is the last "milestone" based on age, except AARP, social security, and stuff like that, which aren't exactly fun to look forward to).
  5. For all intents and purposes, I'm likely at my prime.
Now I'm 26.  Nothing really changes at this age.  I'm still sort of in my mid-20s.  I'm halfway to 52, which is nothing to take note of.  Just another year closer to 30. #lifestyle
Hannah Montana downfall (4) Apr 18, 2008
I don't really know what Hannah Montana is, but I've heard it has something to do with the positive moral influence of a "good" clean girl named Miley Cyrus.  I'd like to hereby predict the inevitable downfall of this franchise with a combination of two or more of the following: 
  1. Pregnancy
  2. Drugs
  3. Home movie
That's pretty much the cookie cutter model for the moral downfall of public figures.  It's such a no-brainer, I wonder if it'll even make the news. #entertainment
Drawback of ownership Apr 15, 2008
The more you have, the more you have to lose. 

This applies to money, possessions, and even relationships. #business
Ageless wisdom Apr 15, 2008
Old person's advice to me:  "Don't get old." 
My response:  "Ok." #psychology
Crying Apr 14, 2008
My pastor cried during his sermon yesterday.  It wasn't the "please give generously" or "we need more Sunday school teachers" type of crying.  It was legitimate "I'm hurt and this is what hurt people do" crying.  Nothing wrong with crying.  Nevertheless, I can't stand being around crying people.  It makes me want to jump out of my skin and run away.  It's so intensely awkward that it raises my heart rate and makes me squirm in my seat.  I guess I feel like crying is a personal thing that should be done in your personal time (that sounds meaner than it was meant).  And if a certain topic inevitably makes you cry, don't talk about it, especially in front of a group of people.  I'm under the mistaken belief that crying is an error in the system; the release of built-up emotions in an uncontrollable way.  In my opinion, crying should be avoided at all costs.  This probably says quite a bit about me. #psychology
Pun intended (1) Apr 10, 2008
Why are people so opposed to using puns?  The phrase "no pun intended" has become so ingrained in our language that we parenthetically include it in our speech without a second thought.  I think we should embrace puns and all their stupid funniness.  Use puns intentionally. 

On a side note, why do so many people know that the definition of a pun is "a play on words"?  Were we all force-fed the same vocabulary textbook in 7th grade? #language
Food commitment (1) Apr 10, 2008
Food is a common ingredient (pun intended -- I love puns!) in social settings.  But one thing's for sure:  A bowl of chips will be finished before a plate of BBQ ribs.  Why, you ask?  It's because there's a certain amount of commitment involved when eating food around people.  If you were by yourself, you'd eat the chips and the ribs, or maybe even crush up the chips and sprinkle them on the ribs.  You'd eat like a caveman, grunting with each bite, possibly sitting on the floor so you could more easily get the pieces that fall out of your mouth.  But not in front of other people.  In social settings, we humans need to make other people aware that we're civilized.  We don't chew with our mouths open.  We don't get BBQ sauce all over our faces.  So we make the smallest commitment by eating foods that are easily consumed in one bite.  Chips.  A veggie platter.  Pigs in blankets.  Cookies.  Really anything that can be eaten without utensils.  As soon as a plate and a fork are involved, the level of commitment increases.  And as the level of commitment increases, the chances of someone asking a personal question and the entire room's conversation screeching to a halt to hear the answer as we take the chicken wing out of our mouths and wipe the hot sauce off our chins increases exponentially. #food
Pedestrian city Apr 9, 2008
I personally believe every motor vehicle driver should spend at least a year as a pedestrian in a pedestrian city.  That way, that jerk guy would've stopped for me in front of Kohl's the other day. 

I went to college in Hoboken, NJ, which is the epitome of a pedestrian city.  It's tiny, its streets are narrow, and everything is within walking distance.  Anything that's not within walking distance is a convenient train ride away.  It's actually inconvenient to own a car in this city, what with the obscure parking regulations, the parking fees, and the fact that you have to walk several blocks to find a parking spot, which completely negates the benefit of having a car in the first place. 

While living in this city, I existed solely as a pedestrian.  I walked everywhere, all the time.  To get food, to buy groceries, to get to the train station, to get out of my closet-sized dorm room.  And unfortunately, the weather didn't stay nice all the time, so I walked in the cold, rain, and snow.  The interesting thing about Hoboken is that it's on the Hudson River, which I'm convinced has something to do with the fact that it always feels about 20 degrees colder than it actually is.  Couple that with stepping in some puddles, breaking your seventh umbrella because the wind turned it inside out, and sitting through a three-hour lecture about management, and you've got yourself an angry pedestrian.  Crossing the street was almost like a game of chicken.  "You wanna do this, lady?  I guarantee you I'll cause more damage do your car than you'll cause to my body!"  If somebody didn't stop, I'd yell after them, "No, no, you go ahead.  It must be hard, sitting in your warm, dry car, using your leg to push a pedal to either speed you up or slow you down.  How dare I get in your way." 

Based on my experience, I understand what it's like to be a pedestrian.  When I'm driving, I'll stop for people because I know how they feel.  Especially when it's cold or wet outside.  I understand who would win a battle between a vehicle and a pedestrian, but I still think pedestrians should have the upper hand. #travel
Different English accents Apr 8, 2008
I can't tell the difference between Irish, Scottish, British, and Australian accents.  They all sound the same to me even though I know they're different.  If I hear one right next to another, I can usually tell the difference.  But I've found that I'm heavily influenced by context.  A British person in Australia will sound Australian to me.  An Irish person in South Africa will sound British.  All I know is that they're not American. #language
Lowrise (8) Apr 8, 2008
I was trying on some jeans in a store recently, and only after I had them completely on did I notice my underwear sticking out the back.  I thought I had them pulled up all the way, but I tried again.  Nope.  That's as far as they went.  Then I noticed the label.  It said "lowrise", as in "these pants don't cover your butt crack". 

Now, let me admit something:  I'm very far from being fashionable.  I don't buy nice clothes and I don't pretend to be well-dressed. 

I can understand the idea of lowrise jeans for women.  Some men find [very] lower backs and underwear attractive.  Even if you personally don't find that attractive, at least admit that some people out there do. 

However, no human being, male or female, living or dead, can possibly find the [very] lower back of a man attractive.  There's just no way.  It's absolutely impossible. 

So that begs the question:  What disgusting freak invented lowrise jeans for men? #lifestyle