Cold Feb 8, 2007
I like warm weather, so I'd like to move south one day.  But I'm sometimes scared that if I moved south, I'd lose the enjoyment of watching the seasons change.  This is about the 10th day in a row (it could be the 1st, 100th, or 1000th; it makes no difference) of single-digit temperatures in northwest Jersey, and I need to record my thoughts on cold weather so I won't forget them later.  Here are the top 10 reasons why I hate cold weather: 
  1. Having to warm up my car in the morning instead of spending the first 10 minutes of my commute in cold pain.
  2. The sound my car makes when it tries to start at 7°F.  "Ehhhhhnn ga chuuuunk"
  3. Not being able to drive with the windows down.
  4. Getting shocked every time I close my car door.
  5. Warm house » cold driveway » warm car » cold parking lot » warm office » cold something else.
  6. High heating/electric bills.
  7. Worrying about sealing windows and doors to keep cold air out.
  8. Having to keep all the doors closed to conserve heat.
  9. Taking a hot shower in an ice cold bathroom.
  10. Feeling my snots freeze when I breathe through my nose.
#science
Extra organs Feb 7, 2007
I'm amazed that the human body can easily live without major functional organs.  Things like the gall bladder, the tonsils, and the appendix are all completely expendable.  If they cause you problems, just get rid of them; your body will function completely normally without them.  Amazing.  And what's also amazing is that the most recommended treatment for these problematic organs is not medication or surgery, but removal. #health
Fire Feb 7, 2007
When I was a kid, I was a bit of a pyromaniac.  I enjoyed lighting things on fire and watching things burn.  I hit the jackpot when I figured out how to burn things with a magnifying glass.  I always had candles in my bedroom, and I liked playing with the flame.  Whenever there was a campfire, I was usually the person who set things up or kept things going.  I have a thing for fire.  It's a strong fascination, and it's something that still piques my curiosity from time to time.  But I've always used my powers for good; i.e. I didn't intentionally burn things to cause damage and I didn't willfully inflict harm on living things. 

But there are at least two reasons why I should be dead.  The first is paint thinner.  One time, I was experimenting with burning things, and paint thinner was my drug of choice.  I would spill some on the ground to see how fast it burned.  I would make shapes and watch as the fire spread faster than my eyes could watch it.  At some point, I lit the end of a stick on fire, and I wanted it to burn a little while longer so I dipped it in the bottle of paint thinner.  This is where I should've died.  I'm not sure if there's any fact behind this belief, but I was under the impression that containers of flammable liquid have a tendency to explode when a spark is introduced.  Maybe that's a result of watching action movies, or maybe it's true.  Either way, when I introduced the flaming stick to the can of paint thinner, it merely lit the top layer of paint thinner on fire, at which point I quickly recognized my near death experience and did my best to put it out.  The can was less than half full, and for whatever reason, the flame went out when I blew on it for a little while.  I have no idea how the can didn't blow up in my face and light my body on fire, but I'm glad God decided to spare me from my self-inflicted, curiosity-induced, stupidity-fueled experiment. 

Another near-death experience involved a candle.  A big candle had burned down completely, so my plan was to re-melt it into a new candle.  I found an old metal bucket, put the candle pieces in it, and put it on the kitchen stove.  In a pretty short amount of time, the wax melted completely, and things seemed to be going well.  I used a stick to stir everything, and as part of my pyromania, I got a sudden urge to light the stick on fire.  So I put it in the burner flame and it lit.  I needed to put it out, so I dipped it in the liquefied wax.  This was my first mistake.  It turns out melted wax is flammable, so the bucket immediately ignited.  It wasn't a big deal, but I was at least mildly afraid because this was all happening on the kitchen stove.  My primary objective at this point was to get the bucket outside, and in a moment of clarity, I realized the hot metal would burn my hands, so I used a pot holder.  Not a problem.  I took the flaming bucket outside and got a jug of water to put out the fire.  This was my second mistake.  It turns out that when you pour water on a flaming bucket of melted wax, it produces an 8-foot tall ball of fire, similar to a small nuclear explosion.  This scared the hell out of me.  I had no idea wax was flammable, and I definitely had no idea that burning wax mixed with water creates a fire bomb.  Thankfully, God once again spared me from myself, as the flame quickly died down and the water eventually cooled the wax to the point where it was no longer melted. #psychology
Pregnancy test (1) Feb 7, 2007
The commercial for the Clearblue digital pregnancy test has the best line I've ever heard in an advertisement: 
Without a doubt, it is the most sophisticated piece of technology ... you will ever pee on.
And there ya have it.  It's just a piece of plastic that gets pee'd on.  What a life. #entertainment
Lone drunk Feb 6, 2007
At most parties, there's at least one person who doesn't quite follow the rules:  The lone drunk.  This person wants to make the party a party by drinking a greater volume of alcohol and at a faster pace than everyone else.  Regardless of how many family members or co-workers are in attendance, and no matter how calm the party would otherwise be, the lone drunk will continue consuming alcohol past the point of being under control, and this is where things get quickly out of hand.  There's usually some colorful language, some risque actions, and a few off-color jokes.  The only person who doesn't think the lone drunk has had enough to drink is the lone drunk.  Everybody looks on with surprise and fascination as the lone drunk continues to embarrass and insult, oftentimes causing harm to relationships and careers.  But at the same time, nobody thinks any less of the lone drunk.  Because let's face it, who hasn't been the lone drunk themselves at one time or another?  Sometimes people drink a little too much.  And too much drinking makes words come out with no thoughts attached.  Horrible things can be said and atrocious acts can be committed while drunk.  But after the alcohol wears off, everything is back to normal.  So don't blame the lone drunk; he/she was just trying to have a good time. #psychology
Astronaut diapers (1) Feb 6, 2007
Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak is being charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, and attempted vehicle burglary after she drove from Texas to Florida to confront Colleen Shipman, the "other woman" in a relationship with fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein.  Nowak came bearing all the normal stalker equipment:  Trench coat, wig, knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves.  The article says police "also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn't have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive."  Apparently, astronauts are given special purpose diapers to be worn during space walks, takeoff, and reentry.  To this, I have two things to say: 
  1. What car is capable of driving 1000 miles without stopping?  Why don't I own one?
  2. Astronauts get diapers specifically made for space travel?  Why don't I have any?
(via Neatorama) #entertainment
Ice Feb 2, 2007
#nature
Gum disposal (1) Feb 2, 2007
I have a pretty strong opinion about the proper location for the disposal of ABC gum.  And by pretty strong, I mean I'm willing to fight to the death about it. 

Expired gum should be thrown in the garbage or wrapped in some sort of protective coating (tissue, paper, etc.) so it doesn't stick to things.  The absolute wrong place for getting rid of unwanted gum is "out my car window" or "on the ground right over there".  The simple reason for this is that, despite the utterly massive size of the universe and the complete unlikeliness that certain specific random events will occur, I, Dave Hosier, will undoubtedly, unavoidably, step on your stupid gum.  And it'll be permanently stuck to my shoe.  I could walk on nails with their points up, puddles of super glue, and wet cement, yet all these materials will fail to stick to my shoes.  As soon as I get within inches of gum on ground, it will inevitably stick to my shoe.  I don't care if I just saw you spit your gum over there, and it doesn't matter that you warned me about it several times.  There are many uncertainties in life.  This is not one of them.  Your gum.  My shoe.  Finito. 

So, please, dispose of your gum in the trash.  Help make the world less gum-filled.  Together we can make a difference. #food
Cat eggs Feb 2, 2007
Houston, we have a problem. 
I thought kittens were produced when a cat got wet, like Gremlins. #nature
Nova Feb 2, 2007
The idea that the Chevy Nova didn't sell well in Spanish-speaking countries because "no va" translates to "no go" or "doesn't go" is completely and utterly false.  Wow.  I've heard that numerous times in stupid management and product design classes.  I feel duped.  (via Photo Matt) #travel