Amazon sells Baby Cubes, now made with 75% more baby! #products

AcipHex is a medication for acid reflux.  It's also the worst product name in the history of the universe.  Go ahead, say it out loud.  AcipHex.  Acifex.  Assifex.  Ass Effects.  There it is. 

And as if this didn't already seem like a joke, here are some images from the product's website: 
Sometimes I think someone out there is doing this stuff specifically for me.  Thank you, whoever you are. #products

One summer during college, I had an important job that required me to dress well.  I went out and bought a "nice" watch, i.e. a Timex with a metal-link band.  It was nicer than my old, scratched, ugly watch that had been living on my arm uninterrupted for several years.  I wore my nice watch to work every day and figured I'd get used to its habit of forcefully removing my arm hairs.  I didn't.  I would switch watches as soon as I got home (I can't be watchless).  After a few weeks, I just gave up on the idea of a nice watch.  Looking professional isn't worth the cost of lost arm hairs.  Ever since then, I've been wearing a watch with a velcro band.  It doesn't pull out my arm hairs, and it doesn't make me choose a specific size that ends up being either too tight or too loose.  If my arm is fat one day, the strap can be adjusted.  If it's skinny the next day, I can adjust it again. 

Just recently, I bought a cloth belt that has the same benefit.  Traditional leather belts are always either a little too loose or a little too tight, and up until now I've just kind of dealt with it.  The fact of the matter is that the circumference of my waist, like that of my wrist, changes throughout the day, depending on food intake and temperature.  And the holes in a standard belt aren't specific enough to fit my luscious, changing figure.  Adjustable straps are the way to go. #products

I wonder what the deal is with signs made up of interchangeable letters.  Do they come in a box with only one full set of letters, so business owners (mostly fast food places) are forced to create words with numbers and upside-down letters?  And if so, how expensive would it be to simply go out and buy another set of letters?  Better yet, why not buy a set of Wheel-of-Fortune-inspired letters that are found in common words (i.e. R, S, T, L, N, E)?  I swear, sometimes I think the world would be perfect if people would just appoint me to be king. #products

Some people don't have tissues in their house.  This puzzles me.  Tissues are typically used for nose-blowing.  Are there people out there who don't blow their noses?  I mean, for me, it's at least a daily activity.  Daily activities necessitate specialized tools.  Toilet paper is a decent tool for the job, but you always have to fold it into a usable size, which suggests once again that a proper tissue is the proper tool.  I realize some people are ridiculously cheap, and they'd rather blow their money on HBO than on things like tissues and garbage cans.  But as for me and my house, we will always have tissues. #products

Let me set the record straight:  Recycled toilet paper (like this) is NOT reused toilet paper.  It's brand new toilet paper made from recycled materials like newspaper and printer paper.  Think about the logistics of the alternative:  Sifting through a sewage treatment facility, somehow managing to extract the wadded up, completely soaked remnants of used toilet paper.  It's ridiculous.  I can't believe people think that's what happens. #products

There's a Proctor & Gamble laundry detergent called Dreft, and it's apparently good for baby clothes.  Not having a baby or ever having washed clothes for one, I had never heard of the stuff until I saw it in Pathmark a few hours ago.  The first thought that crossed my mind was, could they have possibly come up with a worse name for a product?  Perhaps barf, or phlegm, or Veolia.  I'm no marketing genius, but I think I could have come up with a product name along the same lines as All and Tide. #products

Sometimes I make a claim about something, and then later I'll have to eat my words and go back on what I said.  Although I've never publicly broadcast it on the internet, I once claimed that green cleaning products like Clorox Green Works and Seventh Generation were stupid and ineffective.  How lemon juice and eucalyptus oil can clean anything, I'll never know.  But after trying a few of these products (Green Works Toilet Bowl Cleaner and Bathroom Cleaner), I can attest to the fact that they do indeed work, and they're fairly cheap.  The problem with cleaning products made with harsher chemicals is (1) the typical hippie yaya groundwater thing, (2) they make our cats act weird, and (3) they hurt my throat and eyes.  When I'm leaning over the bathtub scrubbing away that weird orange film that magically develops every few weeks (side note:  invent orange shower paint), products with bleach seem to find a way directly into my lungs and make my eyes tear up.  And then the cats start rubbing their faces all over the bathroom (some sort of primitive territory-marking behavior) and biting me.  These are things I can live without.  So I gave the green products a go and found they clean just as well, and they don't cause bodily harm or cat weirdness.  And they're blah blah good for the environment and won't cause yada yada birth defects.  The one thing that would make my life perfect right now is if these green companies made some of those automatic toilet cleaning tabs that you stick in the back of the bowl to increase the time between toilet cleanings.  Until that happens, I'm reluctantly sticking to bleach. #products

From here via here: 
Although, I would work on the naming conventions a little.  The fork/spoon combination can either be called a spork or a foon.  Spoon/knife could be a spife or a knoon.  Fork/knife could be a knork or a fife.  And the grand combo of fork/spoon/knife could be a skork, a sfife, or a knifoon.  Splayd doesn't fit at all. #products

The iRobot Looj is a gutter-cleaning robot from the same company that makes the Roomba.  Robots takin' ovah! #products