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Cemetery real estate Thu, Mar 25, 2010
Most times I drive past a cemetery, I can't help but think what a waste of real estate it is to store carved stoned and skeletons in boxes.  I'm cynical, obviously, and I apparently don't have much respect for the dead, so I guess I'm sorry if that's offensive.  But honestly, if we really want to cherish the physical remains of our loved ones, why don't we just build a tall building and put them in it, kind of like a filing cabinet?  It's not like they care either way; they're dead.  Option number two (which is inclusive of option number one) is to cremate.  I can't think of a valid reason why we don't cremate the dead.  I'm a Christian, and if the whole idea of death is to wait around until Christ's second coming, I doubt he really cares whether we're a pile of bones or a pile of dust.  Either way, he's gonna have a lot of work cut out for himself in putting us all back together. 

I would stop there, but there's more.  While I admit that it's kind of cool to walk through an old cemetery and look at the gravestones of people who died hundreds of years ago, I could honestly live without that small pleasure in life, for the simple reason that graveyards are essentially sanctioned littering.  Bodies decompose over time, so basically all that's left is either a heap of bones or a box that contains a heap of bones.  So really, we're just filling the ground with ornate boxes of bones and marking these locations with inscribed rocks.  Pretty stupid if you think about it. 

Finally, once a cemetery, always a cemetery.  No one will ever buy a house on land that used to be a graveyard.  You can't put a park there, because no one would go.  Pretty much the only viable alternative for post-cemetery land is to build a store that sells Halloween decorations, and we all know how poorly seasonal stores perform.  My point is that as more and more people die (as they tend to do), we'll need more room for our silly custom of storing bodies indefinitely, which will use up more and more valuable real estate, until there's nowhere else to live except on the moon.  Conclusion:  Cremate, and let the wind take care of the rest. #sociology

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