I went snowboarding on Monday, and here's a list of the thoughts that came to mind while riding the peaceful lift up the quiet mountain: 
  • Never, under any circumstances, wear pants that have zippers, buttons, or other hard objects near the ankles.  These will inevitably get squashed against your legs by your tight boots, and they will find a way to a bone or a nerve.
  • Teenagers shouldn't be allowed to mix with the rest of the people who visit a snow-covered mountain to enjoy the effects of gravity and low friction.  What with their snowball-throwing and their sitting in the middle of the hill without moving, they should all just be herded to a separate location where they're allowed to go all Lord-of-the-Flies on each other.  Thankfully, Mountain Creek in Vernon, NJ has a terrain park, which is where all the smelly, scummy teenagers hang out.  Once I figured that out, my happiness increased tenfold.
  • Granite Peak at Mountain Creek (that rhymes) is my favorite park of the park.  There's never anyone there, there are no lines for the lift, and the steep, wide slopes allow you to achieve maximum speed without knocking over any 6-year-olds.
  • I enjoy going fast.  I enjoy going fast much more than I enjoy being airborne, hence my desire for steep, wide slopes and my dislike for the terrain park.
Just to be clear, I don't hate all kids.  I always like seeing those little tiny humans passing me as they fly down the hill.  But when humans are that tiny, they're with their parents, which magically makes children less scummy and annoying.  As soon as they turn 13, they leave their parents, become jerks, and hang out at the terrain park.  It makes me feel like I never left high school. #sports