A Michigan woman's Jesus statue was stolen from her front yard because her neighbors were angry that she didn't clean up after her wiener dogs.  A ransom note was left in the statue's place: 

"We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents."

List of reasons why I can't stop laughing: 

1. Holding Jesus ransom.
2. Adults (presumably) using the word "poopie".
3. The phrase "poopie from your wieners".
4. Threatening to harm a Jesus statue.
5. The phrase "weiner poopie".

Who needs TV writers when you get comedy like this?