Worship leader hero fantasy (1) Jan 23, 2008
This is gonna sound really stupid.  With that in mind, I'll publish it for the entire world to read.  That's why I'm smart. 

I've been a "worship leader" since I was forced into it as a sophomore in college.  It's a simple-sounding task:  Play a musical instrument and lead a group of people in singing Christian songs for the purpose of "making a joyful noise to the Lord" (Psalm 100:2).  I play guitar, which has become the de facto instrument for leading small groups of people in this endeavor.  I was "forced" into it because it was never something I set out to do.  I was perfectly happy being the second-in-charge guy and helping out where I could.  But the main guy left, and I was the only person with the skillset required to perform the task. 

This probably sounds really stupid.  Perhaps it would help to know a little more about me.  I have an extreme fear of human beings, especially talking to them or standing in front of them.  As a guitar player, I'm impossibly shy for altogether unknown reasons.  And the icing on the cake is that I'm not, nor have I ever been, a singer.  So adding everything together, it's kind of like putting a cat in a cage with dogs, telling it to clean itself, and forcing it to speak German.  Or if that analogy doesn't work for you, it's kind of like putting a shy person in front of a group of people and asking him to play guitar and sing.  Yeah, kinda like that. 

Needless to say, I stepped up to the plate and performed my duty, and I think it went pretty well.  As minimal as it sounds, I count it as one of the crowning achievements of my life, not only for the psychological feat of overcoming fear, but also because it's something I've willingly volunteered to do several times since.  I've even grown to like it, though I still don't claim to be a good singer.  God gives points for trying. 

Now onto my main point.  Sometimes I sit around at church during the worship time, mostly when I'm visiting someone else's church (and where no one knows me), and I envision a scenario where the worship leader steps up to the mic and says, "Sorry, folks.  I can't play this song.  I don't remember how it goes, and my hand is all cramped up from the previous song.  We'll have to skip the rest of the worship service ... unless ... unless there's someone out there ... who knows how to play guitar, and who can play this song." 

I call this my worship leader hero fantasy, and it's something I've thought about on more than one occasion, though I've never told anyone.  I can picture myself sheepishly raising my hand, stepping out of my seat as a spotlight focuses on me and the entire room practically explodes with silence.  "I could give it a try," are my words, knowing full well that not only is this one of the songs I know, it's one of the songs I know well.  I go on stage, play the song, make it great, and save the day. 

I realize there's a major moral conflict between "serving God by leading worship" and "saving the day by being a worship leader hero", but that doesn't stop those thoughts from coming to mind during church. #religion
Jesus statue hijacked (2) Jan 23, 2008
A Michigan woman's Jesus statue was stolen from her front yard because her neighbors were angry that she didn't clean up after her wiener dogs.  A ransom note was left in the statue's place: 
"We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents."
List of reasons why I can't stop laughing: 
  1. Holding Jesus ransom.
  2. Adults (presumably) using the word "poopie".
  3. The phrase "poopie from your wieners".
  4. Threatening to harm a Jesus statue.
  5. The phrase "weiner poopie".
Who needs TV writers when you get comedy like this? #entertainment
Snake weight Jan 23, 2008
Officials found more than a ton of snakes on board a cargo flight from Thailand to Vietnam.  A ton.  I'm not really sure how much each snake weighed, but I'm overwhelmed by the idea of a ton of snakes. #nature