Jan 3, 2008
In order to prepare for having children, I think it's a good idea to practice with pets. The order should go like this:
Rodents are a little more complicated because their waste products don't float away like a fish's. So we're talking about a daily feeding and a weekly cage cleaning. Easy. And of course there's the automatic feeder option.
Cats can do one more thing than fish and rodents: Puke. In addition to daily feeding (or an automatic feeder) and bi-weekly litter box cleaning, there's the occasional hairball cleanup or "I puke when I get excited" responsibility. Not pretty.
Dogs can do one more thing than cats, rodents, and fish: Make an unbelievable amount of noise for no reason at all. Also, dogs will eat until they die, so an automatic feeder is out of the question. Some additional "benefits" of dog ownership: Dogs need to be walked; dogs slobber; dogs stink; dogs stick their noses in your crotch; dogs stick their tongues in my ear. I don't like dogs.
Humans (a.k.a. babies) are the sum of the worst traits of each animal: They require daily feeding (and not just once or twice a day like an animal). They puke, often for no reason at all. They make an unbelievable amount of noise for no reason at all. Humans need one more thing which dogs, cats, rodents, and fish don't: Attention/affection. Otherwise you'll have therapy bills in the future.
For the record, Wendy and I both had rodents when we were kids. We had a fish when we were first married, but he went to a better place. We have two cats. We're planning on skipping the dog phase because I can't stand dogs. The next move is to get a real live human. Someday. #nature
- Fish
- Rodent
- Cat
- Dog
- Human
Rodents are a little more complicated because their waste products don't float away like a fish's. So we're talking about a daily feeding and a weekly cage cleaning. Easy. And of course there's the automatic feeder option.
Cats can do one more thing than fish and rodents: Puke. In addition to daily feeding (or an automatic feeder) and bi-weekly litter box cleaning, there's the occasional hairball cleanup or "I puke when I get excited" responsibility. Not pretty.
Dogs can do one more thing than cats, rodents, and fish: Make an unbelievable amount of noise for no reason at all. Also, dogs will eat until they die, so an automatic feeder is out of the question. Some additional "benefits" of dog ownership: Dogs need to be walked; dogs slobber; dogs stink; dogs stick their noses in your crotch; dogs stick their tongues in my ear. I don't like dogs.
Humans (a.k.a. babies) are the sum of the worst traits of each animal: They require daily feeding (and not just once or twice a day like an animal). They puke, often for no reason at all. They make an unbelievable amount of noise for no reason at all. Humans need one more thing which dogs, cats, rodents, and fish don't: Attention/affection. Otherwise you'll have therapy bills in the future.
For the record, Wendy and I both had rodents when we were kids. We had a fish when we were first married, but he went to a better place. We have two cats. We're planning on skipping the dog phase because I can't stand dogs. The next move is to get a real live human. Someday. #nature
Linked: Bunnius Maximus
Another laugh-out-loud-at-work blog entry.
1) Sitting down: "ok baby, I'll hold you...but why do I have to stay standing..."
2) Talking: a woman on the phone while holding a baby that cannot stop crying. She yells over the phone "STOOOOOOOOPPPPPP"...then apologising to her friend and saying "no, no, I was not talking to you".
3) Using the toilet: a guy in a suit walks into the room and his wife holds the baby out for him to take the baby and tells him "Finally. Hold her would you?"
4) Reading: A baby cries in the background and the lady thinks to herself while trying to read: "it's the 4th time I'm reading the same line".
5) Eating: Husband calling his wife to dinner while she's holding the baby..."yeah, in a minute, let me change her diapers, put her to sleep and I'll be there...doesn't matter anyways I had the baby's baby food leftovers".
6) Sleeping: Middle of the night. Baby crying out of his mind in another room and the lady gets up and starts crying in desperation right by her bed.
For lack of a better place to post the picture of her cartoon image, I copy pasted the link below. It's pretty funny and definitely true, I think...
http://contradiccions.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/maitena-bebe.jpg
Hm, one wonders.