Soft-serve (4) Mar 12, 2007
On the two cruises I've been on, there's been a soft-serve ice cream machine.  There are cones in a container on the side, and the machine has three spouts:  One for vanilla, one for chocolate, and one for vanilla chocolate swirl.  I'm not usually one to brag, but I have to say I'm probably the best amateur soft-serve ice cream cone maker in the world.  I watch people stand there, pull the handle, and move their cone all around in an attempt to capture the falling ice cream.  What a bunch of idiots.  Most people don't even have sense enough to know that the machine will run indefinitely unless the handle is pushed back up.  It's pitiful.  And looking at long strands of tube-shaped ice cream really disgusts me.  I don't know if it's because it so closely resembles bird poop or what.  Something about it just really makes me want to puke.  But then I step up to the plate and create the most beautiful ice cream cone anyone's ever seen.  It almost brings a tear to your eye.  You have to hold the cone right under the machine and sort of force the ice cream right into the cone.  It's like putting toothpaste back into the tube (which is impossible):  You don't just haphazardly put some toothpaste near the tube opening and hope it magically goes in.  You squeeze the tube a little and use the suction to suck in the toothpaste.  It's the same with ice cream, except you can't really squeeze the cone.  You just need to hold it tight and let the flowing ice cream squeeze itself into the cone.  As the cone fills up, it creates a beautiful mound.  Don't overdo it or else you'll have a top-heavy cone and you'll have to eat it as fast as you can before it melts and then lick it off your fingers like an idiot.  Don't be an idiot.  Use the soft-serve ice cream machine properly. #food
Ordering at Starbucks (1) Mar 12, 2007
I have big problems when ordering at Starbucks.  I'm not into all the girly ("fru-fru" as Wendy says) drinks and special Starbucks language.  I usually say, "Can I have a small coffee?" and watch them all cringe at my barista ignorance.  In Hawaii, I wanted something a little more refreshing than piping-hot man-coffee.  I was thinking something like coffee with ice cubes.  I went in and looked through the menu for something similar.  The closest thing I could find was this thing called a Frappuccino.  That word isn't a part of my vocabulary, but I went with it.  There was a choice between "coffee" and "coffee light", and seeing how I'm not a fan of how strong Starbucks coffee is, I went with "coffee light".  So here's me ordering:  "Can I have a ... uh ... Frappuccino ... coffee light ... small, please?"  The barista asked me, "Would you like whipped cream with that?"  I held back a sneer and said, "No, thanks."  It was humiliating and emasculating, and it ended up being something other than coffee with ice cubes.  But that frozen concoction was delicious.  Despite the complicated ordering procedure and Starbucks' tendency to feminine-ize everything, I'd go back and do it again. #food
Baby pictures Mar 12, 2007
Let's face it, all babies look exactly the same.  I'm not talking about infants or toddlers or whatever else they're called when they reach whatever age.  I'm talking about newborn babies.  The kind that are wrinkly, hairless, and usually somewhat chunky.  Besides gender, race, and size, all babies look exactly the same.  So like this guy from the LA Times, I'm kindly asking everyone to stop sending me baby pictures.  (via Obscure Store) #lifestyle
Hawaii cruise review Mar 12, 2007
I spent last week on a cruise in Hawaii.  It was awesome.  Here are my thoughts: 

1.  It's a very diverse place in terms of nature.  There are obviously beaches.  But right near the beaches, there are huge mountains.  Some of the mountains are covered with trees and forests.  Other mountains are covered with newly-cooled (within the past 50 years or so) volcanic rock.  There are active volcanoes.  There are rivers and waterfalls.  There are farms and fields.  I guess I was surprised to find out that the island isn't covered with sand and there's more to do that just lay on the beach. 

2.  It's not a very diverse place in terms of animal life, but the animals there are pretty cool.  There is essentially nothing "native" to the islands since they were volcanically formed from the bottom of the ocean.  So the land animals are things that were introduced by humans, like wild chickens and pigs.  But the sea life is pretty cool.  Besides some colorful fish, there are sea turtles and whales just off the coast.  I thought whales were cold water animals.  I guess not. 

3.  There are basically no dangerous animals or bugs.  This is arguably one of the most appealing parts of the state.  There are no deer ticks or giant, man-eating spiders.  There are no snakes or lizards.  There are no crocodiles or bears.  The only thing you need to worry about is coming across a poisonous centipede, which I thankfully didn't.  Even after talking to a few locals about it, they agreed that Hawaii is largely creepy-crawly-free. 

4.  Unfortunately, the travel time is borderline ridiculous.  From the east coast, a non-stop flight would be about 9 or 10 hours, but ours was split into two parts.  But two 5-hour flights isn't much better than one 10-hour flight.  And then there's the timezone difference.  Hawaii is 2 hours earlier than the west coast, which is 3 hours earlier than the east coast.  So basically, breakfast is lunch, lunch is dinner, and dinner is a midnight snack.  But after a day or two, everything feels normal.  One benefit of the time difference is that I easily got up at 6am to see the sun rise.  I'm absolutely not a morning person, so this should tell you something. 

5.  Hawaiians are cool people.  It's the absolute opposite of the Caribbean.  My experience in the Caribbean is littered with poor people trying to con me into taking stupid tours and buying overpriced hand-woven baskets.  I understand it's how they make their living, but I still don't like it.  Most islands in the Caribbean thrive on tourism, so the locals are a bit pushy and in-your-face.  Hawaii also thrives on tourism, but the people are completely different.  No one is in your face.  No one tries to steal your money or take advantage of you.  You can walk down the street without feeling like your life is in danger.  Also, Hawaii seems to be a little more conservation-minded.  The streets aren't filled with garbage and people make an effort to keep things pure and natural.  It's almost like Hawaiians treat it as a privilege to live on the islands, not a right.  It's different, and very cool. #travel
Fast number Mar 11, 2007
I am that rat. 
[Image: pearls20070304.jpg]
#entertainment
Girly guy shoes Mar 2, 2007
Every once in a while, I'll be walking down the hall and I'll hear footsteps behind me.  Instead of turning around to identify the person, I'll jump to conclusions based on my super-keen senses.  You can usually tell a lot about a person based on the sound of their footsteps.  You can tell how rushed or important they are based on the speed.  You can tell how tall or short they are based on how quickly the footsteps are traveling towards you.  And you can usually easily tell gender because guys' shoes sound different from girls' shoes.  Usually.  It's in those rare instances when I think a woman is following me only to turn around and see a dude, that I take a full step closer to a meltdown.  With some guy shoes, it's a sign of luxury to sound feminine.  Most executives have shoes that make them sound a little girly.  But executives usually have a recognizable gait or some sort of personal peculiarity that identifies their gender, such as talking on the phone or grunting as they walk.  Other guy shoes are just girly for no reason.  And some men (in this case, the 70s clothes guy) have such a dainty way of walking that they definitely shouldn't be wearing shoes that make them sound even more girly.  I'm not sure who to blame in cases like this.  Shoe stores are usually carpeted, so there's no way to know what the shoes sound like on hard floors.  But it's pretty easy to figure out.  If the bottom of the shoe is hard and shiny, you'll sound like a woman.  Guys:  Don't buy those shoes. #lifestyle
Bring it to the bathroom (3) Mar 2, 2007
One of the biggest struggles I have in life is deciding whether or not it's ok to bring certain things to the bathroom.  The bathroom at work is about 10 miles from my desk (or about 50 feet down the hall), and it's conveniently close to certain people I frequently work with.  So oftentimes, I'll bring a laptop or some papers to my co-worker's office and then stop in the bathroom before I get back to my desk.  But right as I get to the bathroom door, a major struggle takes place in my brain.  Should I go back to my desk and drop my stuff off, or should I bring it into the bathroom with me?  I don't think there's any excusable explanation for actually doing work in the bathroom, but that's not what I'm doing.  I'm merely bringing work materials into the bathroom and placing them on top of a cabinet in there, to be picked up after I wash my hands.  But I still know that what I'm doing can look pretty bad.  So I look both ways, check over my shoulder, and enter quickly.  Upon leaving the bathroom, I have a similar dilemma:  Should I risk being seen walking out of the bathroom with my laptop, or should I just stay in there the rest of the day until everyone else goes home?  These are the kinds of questions that keep me up during the day. #entertainment
Right day Mar 2, 2007
I would say about 2 or 3 times a week, I arrive somewhere and think, "Wait, is today the right day?"  Last night I showed up at my Bible study on time, but no one was there (this is normal).  But then the lights were off in the house we were supposed to meet at, so I thought, "Wait, is today Thursday?  Did I miss something?"  It turns out the lights just happened to be out, and more people showed up later. 

This morning I got to work and it was nice and dark in my office area.  I'm perfectly fine with this because it lets me get a slow start to my day.  But it's after 9am now and I'm pretty sure no one else is here.  Is today Saturday or something?  Did they cancel work?  Am I missing something? 

This is similar to my fear of showing up in public places and forgetting to wear pants. #psychology
WordPress duplicate content (2) Mar 1, 2007
I've been concerned for a little while now with WordPress's default functionality of creating duplicate content.  Each post is located at its permalink (/2007/03/01/post-title/), its date (/2007/, /2007/03/, /2007/03/01/), its category (/topic/wordpress/), and its page with respect to the homepage (/page/3/).  This might be a good thing, but to me it seems like it makes things more difficult.  If somebody finds my site through a search engine, they might be directed to an old location that no longer has what they were looking for.  For example, if something like /topic/wordpress/page/2/ came up in Google's search results, it might contain old data seeing that the second page of the WordPress category will inevitably change over time (since everything is sorted in reverse chronological order).  The post you're currently reading will eventually move from the first page of the WordPress category, and it'll eventually continue to move on from there as I put new posts in the category. 

The solution to this is with a simple plugin called Wordpress Duplicate Content Cure.  If the current item that's requested is a single post, a page, or the home page and it's not paged (i.e. /page/3/), the plugin tells search engine robots to index it.  If any of those conditions aren't met, it tells the robots to not index it.  Simple as that. 

We'll see how this works out in a few weeks or months.  If it has any negative affect on my Page Rank, I'll go back to the old way. #technology
School struggle Mar 1, 2007
I'm taking this class right now where the professor "assigns" homework that's neither collected nor graded.  It's optional, but he strongly recommends doing it because it's the only way we'll learn how to do the problems.  He hands out answers, but not solutions, so we actually have to do the problems and learn things.  It's actually kind of a good way to run a class.  But since no learning happens in class and the book is painfully inadequate, he encourages his students to come see him to ask him questions about the homeworks.  He says to struggle with the problems for a while, and when we get nowhere, go see him. 

The thing with struggling with schoolwork is that I have a pretty low tolerance for it.  There are two possible outcomes:  Either I can (a) struggle with a problem for hours and hours and at some point actually get an answer, or (b) struggle for a little while to no avail and go see the professor.  The problem with the first outcome is that it's really stupid.  If I finally get an answer to a homework problem after two hours of struggling, the reward is hardly worth the effort.  In fact, it's not worth the effort at all in this case, because the homework is neither collected nor graded.  So the only logical option is to go see the professor.  It's a simple concept:  If I have a fixed number of assets (a book, some notes, my cranium), I can only get so far with homework problems before I either hit a brick wall or get the right answer.  No amount of time or effort will allow me to get past that brick wall.  It's like creating something from nothing; there needs to be some sort of outside force.  I need to introduce more assets, such as the professor.  And that's exactly what I do. #education