Biggest regrets (1) Sep 20, 2006
Because of my blind and sometimes ignorant perseverance, I often do things past the point of rational thought.  These are the things I have the biggest regrets about.  I once said that, if I had the chance, I wouldn't go back and do many things differently because I don't think I can currently make an honest judgement call about my then-16-year-old mindset.  Things were different then.  I "grew" from those experiences. 

But one thing I'm pretty darn sure I would change is my involvement in sports.  I played soccer through my senior year of high school, but I really should've "retired" after my freshman or sophomore year.  That's when I was at the top of my game.  I was a starter, I was relatively good, and I had a great time playing.  But I really should've noticed that things were going downhill.  If freshman year was the top, sophomore year was the beginning of the end.  People started getting exponentially better by going to summer sports camps and things like that, meanwhile I stayed at the same skill level I had attained in 8th grade.  But instead of throwing in the towel and letting them retire my jersey (heh), I "stuck it out".  I continued playing in my junior year, practiced with varsity yet played with JV, and ended up spraining my ankle.  And by the time senior year rolled around, I was a committed benchwarmer, wasting my time and energy trying to attain the golden "varsity letter" I had so patiently waited my entire life to receive (unlike my dumb sisters who got easy varsity letters by playing field hockey and doing cross country [no offense; God bless their hearts]). 

And why did I persevere through stupid running drills and watching games from the sideline?  "It'll look good on your transcripts."  Yep, that's it.  A good 96% of things I did in high school were done for the purpose of "looking good on my transcripts".  What are transcripts anyway?  I've never seen them or read them.  But of course colleges read them.  Of course colleges base huge decisions and millions of dollars on a mythical piece of paper that doesn't actually exist.  Am I really supposed to believe that Stevens Institute of Technology looked at my transcript and thought, "Hmm, he's a scholar, a musician, and an athlete.  He'll do great at our school."  If they did, I'd hate to break the news to them that my athleticism didn't do me much good in college.  My musicianship hardly helped the school either, unless you consider playing guitar for the Christian group a "big help". 

Getting back on topic, I'd have to say the same thing about baseball.  I "retired" from baseball after 9th grade, only because it was the last year I was able to play for the town team.  I thought about stopping after 7th or 8th grade, but I thought, "I'll stick it out till the end, until I'm not allowed to play anymore."  Meanwhile, my playing skills peaked when I was in 4th grade, when I was pitcher and made the all-star team (quite the honor).  Everything after that was downhill. 

Thankfully, I gracefully drifted away from other sports.  I played football from 4th to 6th grade.  My last year was most likely my best, though I'll never know.  I stopped playing and started soccer (what a great decision that turned out to be).  I "retired" from basketball after 9th grade because I sat the bench and hated playing on the team.  I probably should've retired a year or two earlier, but at least I got out when I did.  I doubt it's a coincidence that my two favorite sports to play/watch are football and basketball. 

So in conclusion, I regret the things I did that I thought would eventually benefit me in some way.  I don't feel like I benefited from playing soccer those last 2 or 3 years.  I don't feel like I'm a better person because I played baseball those extra 4, 5, or 6 years.  My experience in marching band hasn't helped me get ahead in life.  Mock trial had a temporal benefit, all of which has since worn off.  Sometimes, maybe it's better to just give up. #education
Perseverance Sep 20, 2006
I have a pretty solid streak of perseverance.  When I do things, I tend to do them until they're done or until they can't be done anymore.  I think this is mostly a product of how I was raised.  When I played sports as a kid and got sick of them halfway through the season, I was reminded that I made a commitment.  Commitments shouldn't be broken because both parties can be and usually are adversely affected.  I've carried this practice into my current belief system.  Some people think you should just give up if you experience adversity.  Some people think you should change your plans if something gets harder than you expected.  Some people think it's ok to be flaky and to choose when to show up and when to skip out on commitments.  I don't think any of these things are ok. 

So when I recently changed my hiking plans mid-hike, I somewhat disappointed myself.  I was all set to complete a goal despite all the obstacles I knew I would encounter.  But because of some unforeseen obstacles (all compounded together), I had to cut the hike short and go home early.  And I think this had a larger psychological impact than I would've imagined.  Not only did I not achieve my goals, but I didn't complete the task.  And it's not that I would've done anything differently if I could do it all over again, it's just that it went against my pattern of perseverance. 

So it was refreshing this past weekend to go hiking again and cleanse the bad taste I had in my mouth.  It was good to complete a goal by reaching a destination.  It was good to actually reach a campsite.  It was nice not seeing any bears or other threatening wildlife.  And it was comforting to sleep in a warm, dry tent.  I'd hate to say that I wouldn't be able to persevere through all that stuff at a later date, but maybe I would just need to be a little less ambitious.  Seriously, 50 miles in 3 days during a hurricane in bear country?  What was I thinking? #psychology