|I don't like dogs. They lick. They slobber. They have wet noses. They stink. They jump. They sniff your crotch and butt. They bark. They fart.
But I have to admit that dogs have one thing going for them: they love unconditionally. I think a dog's sole purpose in life is to attract attention and earn affection. I've never seen an animal get more excited than a dog gets when a new person walks in the door. "Oh boy! A new person to sniff and lick! I've never been more excited than I am right now (except for 3 minutes ago when that other new person came in the door)." And dogs tirelessly walk around trying to get you to give them attention. When they find a person who gives them attention, it's like they say, "Woohoo! A new best friend!" And it seems like dogs just want to get closer to you. When you lean down, they jump up and lick your face. When you sit down, they try to jump on your lap (50 pounds of dog doesn't constitute a lap-worthy animal, in my opinion). So I have to commend them for being so loving and affectionate.
But again, I don't like dogs. Unless I can get a dog that's de-barked and de-stunk, I won't get a dog. But God bless 'em. #nature