That guy Sep 23, 2005
I just heard a traffic report on the radio that said there's a 20-mile backup on the beautiful Garden State Parkway because of a stalled vehicle.  IN THE CENTER LANE.  I would hate to be that guy because I could just picture a bum-rush of people getting out of their cars to beat him unconscious.  And heck, if I was there, I'd be one of those people.  I'd feel bad if it was a woman (which, let's face it, it probably is) because what would that bum-rush of people do?  Yell?  They can't beat her up; that's not polite.  But if it's a guy, God help him. 

The real issue at stake is the fact that there's a guy dumb enough to stall in the middle lane of a 3- or 4-lane highway.  How is that even possible?  Maybe it was uphill and he lost speed so quickly that he didn't have enough time to get over to the side.  Maybe they used the word "stall" to really mean "massive explosion and chemical fire".  But even if either of these excuses were valid, it still doesn't change the fact that cars have wheels which enable them to be pushed.  Push the car, idiot. #travel
Wheeled backpacks Sep 23, 2005
Kids these days.  All I see is a bunch of lazy nancies wheeling around their backpacks because they're too lazy to put them on their backs like real men and women.  Back when I was a kid, you put your backpack on your back.  Wheels were for luggage.  Rich luggage.  And you only used one strap.  That way, you would eventually become lopsided and crippled.  But these kids have no respect for their heritage.  They wheel around their backpacks all day long.  And it's not like they even have books.  I see 5- and 6-year-olds wheeling around bags.  There's nothing in there.  Maybe a piece of paper.  Maybe a drink box or fruit snacks.  Kids that age don't do work in school.  So why do they need a backpack?  Gang member initiation. #products
Cat lessons Sep 23, 2005
What my cat Dilbert taught me about life:
1.  Show people that you're happy to see them.
2.  Play wildly, and play often.
3.  Be affectionate with people you like.
4.  Help people clean up their messes.

Other lessons learned from Dilbert:
1.  When someone does something that hurts you, violently kick and bite them.
2.  Say hi to people out your windows.
3.  Always look for new things to sniff.
4.  Eat anything and everything you find on the floor.
5.  Try to kill toy mice by drowning them in your water dish.
6.  Sit in the bathtub and watch drops of water roll towards the drain.
7.  Eat bugs. #nature
Friday Sep 23, 2005
Fridays are awesome.  I know as soon as my alarm goes off that it's Friday.  Fridays are like "who cares, I'm graduating" but every week.  Everything's just better on Fridays. 

I like the idea of dress-down Fridays.  I always take advantage of this institution.  Even if I hardly dress up during the rest of the week, I dress up even less on Fridays.  So instead of tucking in my polo shirt, I'll leave it untucked.  Stick it to the man!

There's never any traffic on Fridays (except for the Parkway South).  For some reason, it seems like there's a large number of people who just don't work on Fridays.  I don't work on Fridays sometimes, but I don't think the lack of traffic is because of me or because of other people at my place of employment who also don't work on Fridays.  It's something much bigger.  People just take Fridays off.

Everyone at work knows it's Friday too.  They say, "Oh it can wait until next week" or "Let's take an extra long Friday lunch" or "You can leave 59 minutes early.  Not 1 hour.  59 minutes."

And my favorite part about Friday is when I drive up to the security checkpoint and the people that check my ID say, "Have a nice weekend."  It's 8am on Friday morning and they tell me to have a good weekend.  Good deal. #psychology