Hosier (4) Sep 21, 2007
My last name is Hosier.  It's pronounced hoe-zher, with a long "o" and a soft "zh" like the "g" in "judge" or "age".  It's probably French.  Or Scottish.  Or German.  Or Ethiopian.  Or any of the other nationalities my parents have claimed to be descendents of.  It's obviously related to the word hosiery, which is a fancy word for leggings or pantyhose.  A person who fabricates hosiery for a living would likely be called a hosier, though that's not personally what I do. 

The problem with my last name is that it's impossible for people to pronounce.  Especially telemarketers.  I've heard hose-y-er, hoz-ler (obviously a misread), hose-er, hoy-zer, and even hose-y-ay.  I've heard all the stupid jokes and comments about being from Canada ("You're a hoser, eh?") or Indiana (the Hoosier state), and even that I might be related to the founder of a company that makes performance car tires.  I've had this last name for long enough that I just accept mispronunciations as part of life, especially if the person is unimportant like a telemarketer.  Even with people who say my last name on a regular basis, like a boss or a professor, I rarely correct them.  It's just not worth it.  People are stupid; they won't remember. 

A wrench was thrown into the mix when Wendy graciously accepted my last name in marriage.  She's only had the name for the past three years, but she's already fed up with the mispronunciations.  We're casually thinking about a legal name change, either to something un-mispronounce-able like Smith, Jones, or Wilson, or a more phonetic spelling of Hosier.  Here are some ideas: 
  1. Hozure - Has the soft "z" sound, but might be mispronounced hoe-zyoor.
  2. Hozher - Seems phonetic to me, but people might be confused by the "zh" letter combination.
  3. Hosher - Has the sh/zh combo, but will probably be pronounced to rhyme with kosher.
  4. Hojier/Hogier - Again, people might be confused by the "j" or the "g".  I can hear it now:  "I'm calling on behalf of the Police Benevolence Association for Mr. Hoe-dgi-er?"  I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name.  *click*
  5. Hodgjshzhier - If people insist on mispronouncing my last name, might as well make it a challenge.
#language
Spoken numbers Jul 12, 2007
I remember hearing a comedian talk about how people mess up saying their phone number out loud.  As Americans with 10-digit phone numbers, we expect a spoken format like this: 
1,2,3 ... 4,5,6 ... 7,8,9,0
The comedian said he was talking to someone who offered to give him their phone number.  It went like this: 
1,2,3,4 ... 5 ... 6,7,8,9,0
I just had a similar experience with my credit card number.  I called a place to pay a bill over the phone, and I gave them my credit card number like this: 
1,2,3,4 ... 5,6,7,8 ... 1,2,3,4 ... 5,6,7,8
Credit card numbers are conveniently divided into 4 groups of 4 digits for that exact reason (or so I would presume) (except American Express, but they're stupid).  After I gave the woman my number, she read it back to me to verify.  It went like this: 
1,2,3 ... 4,5,6 ... 7,8,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8
My head almost exploded.  How could someone come to the conclusion that reading a group of 16 digits in that way would be even close to logical?  I realize not everybody thinks like me, but give me a break.  This is ridiculous.  Sometimes I think things happen just to mess with me. 

Another similar thing happened twice today as I payed other bills over the phone (their stupid websites were broken).  I received a confirmation number from that automated electronic lady that navigates you through all those stupid phone menus.  The first one wasn't too bad; it was 6 digits, which is short enough to not divide into separate parts: 
3,4,9,8,2,5
But even though it was short, I could barely follow it because it came out of her mouth (or whatever she talks out of) like an explosion.  Of course it took about 2 minutes for her to get through stating my 16-digit credit card number, but it took about 0.5 seconds to give me the 6-digit verification number.  It was less of a "3,4,9,8,2,5" and more like a "349825".  A few minutes later, I payed a different bill over the phone and was given a 9-digit verification number.  It was no less than twice as ridiculous.  I started writing it down and could barely keep up.  Plus, I had no idea when it would end.  What an experience. 

Update (2007-08-20 10:46am):  I just realized this is very similar to this. #language
Phonetic alphabets (1) May 1, 2007
My last name is Hosier.  As my mom would always say on the phone, "That's H, O, S as in Sam, I, E, R."  People with an F in their name say, "F as in Frank."  I've always wondered if there's some sort of international code that determines what simple English word should be used to clarify letters that aren't transmitted clearly over the phone or radio. 

It turns out there is.  Actually, there are a bunch of different international, national, and local codes, all of which serve the same purpose of clarifying unclear letters and numbers while using the phone or radio.  The police in New York City use the one I'm familiar with: 
Adam Boy Charlie David Edward Frank George Henry Ida John
King Lincoln Mary Nora Ocean Peter Queen Robert Sam Tom
Union Victor William X-ray Young Zebra
NATO uses another familiar one: 
Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta Echo Foxtrot Golf Hotel India
Juliet Kilo Lima Mike November Oscar Papa Quebec Romeo
Sierra Tango Uniform Victor Whiskey Xray Yankee Zulu
There's also a phonetic alphabet for numbers, used in aviation and radio: 
zero one two tree fower fife six seven eight niner
I've never heard anyone say "fower" in reference to the number 4, but I guess I just don't pay attention. 

That's Hotel, Oscar, Sierra, India, Echo, Romeo. #language
Supercaliber Feb 22, 2007
Supercaliber is a fancy word that refers to a measurement that's greater than the caliber (or diameter) of a bullet or projectile.  If something is 0.50 caliber, something that's 0.75 is considered supercaliber. 

Whenever I hear the word, I can't help but think of the song from Mary Poppins. #language
British words (1) Feb 20, 2007
Wikipedia has a List of British words not widely used in the United States.  (via Cynical-C) #language
Mediocre words Feb 12, 2007
Five words that have a mostly positive meaning but a mostly negative connotation: 
  1. Sufficient
  2. Satisfactory
  3. Adequate
  4. Acceptable
  5. Decent
#language
Plurals Feb 8, 2007
My top 3 favorite unnecessary and incorrect plurals: 
  1. Yous (as in "Hey yous guys")
  2. Thems (as in "Thems fightin' words")
  3. Alls (as in "Alls I want to do is talk like an idiot")
On a similar note, my top 3 favorite unnecessary and incorrect animal plurals: 
  1. Deers
  2. Fishes
  3. Mooses
And on a slightly less similar note, my favorite incorrect use of a possessive pronoun:  I's as in "Come to Dave and I's house at 7:30". #language
Punctuation (2) Dec 8, 2006
I find it interesting that a simple change in punctuation can change the entire meaning and mood of a particular statement.  This is especially true for online conversations where it's otherwise difficult or impossible to convey mood and tone. 

I'm working on a project with a few other people where we were originally planning on meeting at 3pm on Friday afternoon, but one of the group members just pushed it back to 4.  Fridays aren't meant to be filled with work in the first place, and Friday afternoon's productivity diminishes exponentially with respect to time (I tried my hardest to make that sound as geeky as possible).  I just wrote an email to the group, and I said, "I'm hoping we can bang stuff out pretty quick because I'd like to get home at a decent time".  If that statement is followed by a period, it sounds like I'm stressed and hurried.  My true feelings are conveyed pretty well.  I don't want to be meeting on Friday afternoon, let alone on Friday at all.  I just want to go there, get the work done, and leave.  But in the email, I ended the sentence with an exclamation point, and it changed the mood entirely.  That was my plan.  I don't want to sound like a jerk, so I made the sentence seem light-hearted and somewhat humorous.  I've come across this fact several times in the past, and I'm always amazed at how I can convey truth and meaning, while at the same time sounding playful and agreeable. #language
Wrong Dec 5, 2006
I get annoyed when people use the word(s) "log-in" as in "Click here to log-in".  There's no dash, idiots.  It's either "login" as in "This is a login form" or "log in" as in "Click here to log in".  This is similar to, but not the same as, the term "sign-up".  It's either "sign-up" as in "This is a sign-up form" or "sign up" as in "Click here to sign up".  And I just got an email from an unnamed person with the word "set-up".  It's either "setup" as in "This is a killer setup" or "set up" as in "I'm so tired I can hardly set up anymore".  Just kidding.  It's "set up" as in "I can't wait to get my new computer set up".  You're wrong.  I'm right. 

I think it's funny when old or out-of-touch people use terms that point out how old and/or out of touch they are.  I just heard a commercial on the radio where some old guy was talking about some stupid way to make money, and he said, "Be sure to check out my deee veee deee for more information."  The guy obviously had no clue what a DVD is, so he chose to speak slowly and clearly like his PR person told him.  It's the same with words like "internet" or "blog".  Some people use the word "internets" instead of internet, which Wikipedia says implies "that a person or group was clueless about the Internet or about technology in general".  And some people say dumb things like, "Last night I spent a lot of time writing blogs."  A blog is "a website where entries are made in journal style and displayed in a reverse chronological order."  To be writing "blogs", that person must be pretty busy. #language
Latin (1) Nov 7, 2006
I always get confused when using common Latin phrases and abbreviations, and in the interest of not appearing to be an idiot, I make an attempt at looking them up in order to use them correctly.  Here are a few from AccessAbility SIG of the Society for Technical Communication: 

i.e. - id est - that is
e.g. - exempli gratia - for example; for instance
etc. - et cetera - and so on; and other people/things #language