Mosquito lifespan Jul 19, 2010
Popular Science reports that scientists have figured out how to genetically prevent mosquitoes from spreading malaria, and that much of the effect is caused by reducing the mosquito's lifespan, since the malaria parasite needs a certain amount of time to develop.  My question is this:  If scientists can reduce the lifespan of mosquitoes, why don't they simply reduce the lifespan to zero?  Mosquitoes are a worthless bunch of jerks. #science
General, United, Standard Jul 14, 2010
I've noticed that the words General, United, and Standard are common in company names: 
General Dynamic
General Electric
General Foods
General Mills
General Motors

United Airlines
United Defense
United Fruit Company
United Healthcare
United Parcel Service
United Technologies
United Van Lines
United Water

Standard Bank
Standard Brands
Standard General
Standard Oil
Standard & Poor's
If I start a company, I'll probably call it Standard General United. #business
Pause everything Jul 14, 2010
One of the ways DVR has ruined my life is that I expect to be able to pause, rewind, and replay everything.  I was at a wedding the other day and something happened at the exact moment I looked away, and I thought, "Oh, I'll just rewind life and watch it again."  Sadly, this didn't work.  I've been at a few live sporting events and wished I could've watched the instant replay or simply created my own, but again, this isn't how real life happens. #technology
Don't mess with Frank Jul 13, 2010
I was at a wedding the other day, and the DJ ("DJ Freeze") played a remixed version of a Frank Sinatra song.  Now I admittedly haven't been a Sinatra fan for that long, but he's a fellow New Jerseyan, and more specifically he was born in the hometown of my alma mater.  Also, he's the man.  And upon hearing that dance club atrocity passed off as a Sinatra classic, Wendy and I agreed:  Don't mess with Frank. #entertainment
Cooling ideas (2) Jul 13, 2010
It was hot last week.  We can all agree on that.  But since I'm cheap and have a high tolerance for discomfort, my home air conditioner was used sparingly.  What can I say?  I didn't have air conditioning growing up.  You're too hot?  Stop moving.  These and many other ineffective temperature control solutions were the things I learned as a child. 

It seems to me that now that we've invented the iPhone and are colliding particles in the Large Hadron Collider, maybe we could come up with a way to make my house slightly cooler than the surface of the sun.  Here are a few ideas that would be cheap and easy, if I only knew something about electricity and air movement: 
  1. Solar-powered fan.  The sun produces heat.  The sun also produces solar energy, which can be converted into electricity.  Why can't we put these two things together?  I don't need a battery or a charger or a backup supply of energy.  I just want a fan that blows air through my house whenever the sun is shining.  How hard is that?
  2. Circulated basement air.  The basement smells weird.  But it's like 50°F in the summer, even when it's 90°F outside.  I don't know how this works or understand why our bedroom isn't located here (besides the smell ... and the bugs, the large, meat-eating bugs), but it seems like it would be pretty trivial to run a pipe from the basement to the upstairs, and just have a little fan blow some cold air up to the warm area.  You could even put a little air freshener in front of the fan to cut down on the musty basement scent.
  3. Cold air storage.  This is the easily the stupidest idea of the three.  But I seem to remember writing just a few months ago that it was right around 100 degrees colder than right now.  Why can't we store some cold air for later, and then blast our houses with a tank of stored frozen air?  And why couldn't we do just the opposite in the winter and use a bunch of hot air stored in the attic to heat the house a little?  It's stupid, yes, but honestly, somebody has to come up with these stupid ideas so that someday someone can come up with better ones.
Steve Jobs, help!  Give us the iFan. #science
Girls with girlfriends Jul 9, 2010
Some women like to refer to their female friends as girlfriends.  Why is this?  The term "girlfriend" already has a widely accepted definition, and it's not equivalent to "friend."  These same women don't refer to their male friends as boyfriends, because, again, "boyfriend" already means something.  And men don't refer to their male friends as boyfriends, just as they don't refer to their female friends as girlfriends.  A friend is one thing; a girlfriend is something entirely different.  I make a motion that we reject "women with non-relationship girlfriends" out of society.  It's just too confusing.  For me mostly. #lifestyle
Tomato classification Jul 7, 2010
Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?  I've heard people argue about this, but like any argument the participants are usually stupid, so the outcome is never very reliable.  Wikipedia is reliable enough.  It says:  A tomato is botanically a fruit, but it's a vegetable in most culinary purposes.  In other words, it fits the scientific definition of a fruit.  But based on how it's used and how it tastes, it's often thought of as a vegetable.  Conclusion:  It's both. #food
Soccer commercials Jul 6, 2010
I've watched more soccer in the past few weeks than in the past few decades because of this World Cup hoopla and my innate desire as a white person to fit in with the soccer-loving white people of the world.  Aside from the hours of watching men run around a grassy field, kicking a ball at each other and feigning injury, one thing I really enjoy about the sport is the startling and refreshing lack of commercial breaks.  No less than 45 minutes of uninterrupted content happens at a time, which in American sports broadcasting would equate to three hours and $360 billion worth of lost advertising revenue.  Despite all those stupid plastic horns and the often fatal boringness of watching soccer, I have to admit they might be on to something. #entertainment
Wedding registry Jul 2, 2010
One of the best parts about getting married is socially obligating people to buy you expensive, unnecessary gifts.  A subset of this experience is actually going to a store of your choosing, obtaining a price-scanning gun, and shooting every blessed thing in sight.  These two facts are universally agreed-upon, hence no wedding in recent memory deviating from this stupid practice.  But can we take a step back and agree on one simple thing?  Nobody needs a spice rack.  I doubt any reasonable human being has actually ever used a blender.  And honestly, if you've made it this far in life without a toaster, chances are you can continue living without one.  Towels and plates and video games are fine, because these are things that will actually be used on a regular basis.  But a picnic basket?  A salad spinner?  For Pete's sake, why must we even spin our salads in the first place? #lifestyle
Best sick day Jul 2, 2010
Sometimes I don't sleep well, so I've done a couple of doctor-prescribed sleep studies.  The first one was an overnight monitoring of my body's physical and mental activity during sleep, which included lots of wires glued to my head and a sensor stuck in my nose.  I got a bad night's sleep the night before the study, so I actually ended up sleeping like a baby despite all the wires and sensors.  This gave the doctors no data whatsoever, so they prescribed a second phase of testing.  I just did this second phase the other day, which consisted of monitoring my brain activity during daytime napping.  So essentially I sat around a room all day, reading books and watching movies, and every two hours I had to try to take a nap.  No results yet, but that was easily the best sick day ever. #health