Chrysler Fiat Apr 1, 2009
Italian automaker Fiat might do something to help stupid American automaker Chrysler.  The thing I don't get is, why are so many news outlets missing this easy joke headline -- "Fiat to aid Chrysler by fiat"?  That's the problem with the news media.  Always missing easy jokes. #entertainment
National notoriety (2) Apr 1, 2009
Whenever I think of Europe, I strengthen my ignorance by thinking of things I've learned from TV, movies, and pop culture.  For example, what airline should you take to get to France?  Air France, of course.  That's the only one.  Or, what should you do when you visit Germany?  Drink dark beers, of course.  Continuing with that line of thinking, here's some more: 

England - Virgin Atlantic, Heathrow Airport, soccer, bad teeth, the queen
France - Air France, Charles de Daulle Airport, soccer, wine, snootiness
Germany - Lufthansa, soccer, beer, throaty language
Ireland - Aer Lingus, soccer, beer, greenness, pale skin
Italy - Alitalia, soccer, canals, popes
Spain - Barcelona, soccer, bullfighting, colonizing most of the world

The thing is, logic tells me that if I have a little pre-packaged set of words that I attribute to different European countries, people from these European countries probably have a similar little pre-packaged set of words for America.  My guess would be the following:  America - TWA, Newark, NASCAR, fat, Britney, Coors Light. #travel
Get to the point (2) Apr 1, 2009
One fine Saturday afternoon, I was on a hike through some New Jersey woodlands when I crossed paths with some fellow hikers.  Most people don't say more than a "hi", but these guys wanted to warn me about something on the path ahead, which was a nice gesture.  Here's approximately what they said: 
"Up on the path ahead, about 20 feet, no maybe 50 feet ahead, on this path, right in the middle of the path, there's a ... *holds up hands a few feet apart* ... maybe 3, maybe 4-foot long, green, with black spots, and brown stripes, but it's hard to see because it's near some rocks and a stick, on the middle of the path, maybe 50 or 100 feet up ahead just past a big rock on the right and a tree, sitting in the middle of the path, is a big long, greenish brown ... SNAKE."
I thanked them for the warning, then proceeded to come up with about 37 different ways I could've conveyed the same amount of information with less words.  One variation is, "Watch out for the snake." 

A similar thing happened recently where a friend was telling me about the weekend he had with his teenage daughter and how it was both good and bad.  His description of their restaurant experience went something like this: 
"After skiing for most of the day, but not the whole day because we got started late, and we ended a little early because we got hungry, we went to this restaurant that was like, have you ever seen one of those train car restaurants, that's like a train car converted into a restaurant where the seats are in booths, and the booths are closed off from everybody else, and they're maybe ... *measures kitchen with his eyes* ... from here to here long, and from here to here wide, and completely enclosed, but there's a little doorway for the waiter to get in and out, but my daughter kept giggling because she's a teenager, and it was hurting my ears because we had been skiing all day and I had windburn, so I asked her to stop, but that made her giggle more, and she giggles for no reason at all, because she's a teenager, so we moved to a different table."
By the time he reached the end of the story, I was almost offended that it took that long to get to such an insignificant conclusion.  My version of the story would have been, "We moved to a different table because my daughter wouldn't stop giggling."  But no.  I had to wait through that whole thing and got no return on my investment of time.  What a gyp. #psychology