|Driving in a parking lot
|No, this won't be about some stupid idiom.
It's funny how all driving laws are thrown out the window as soon as we pull into a parking lot. There's no speed limit, stop signs are optional, lines mean nothing. It's a free-for-all. It might have something to do with the fact that no human being in the history of the universe has ever gotten pulled over in a parking lot. Cops generally stick to the roads. Sure, we all understand that the same rules that apply to roads also apply to parking lots. But I personally don't know a single persons who demonstrates any amount of lawfulness while driving in a parking lot. #travel
|Fecal contamination incident
|I moved to a new building at work, and one of the first emails that greeted me when I set up my computer was this gem:
Hello Occupants,This is funny for a variety of reasons. For one, as one of the building occupants pointed out, we're all adults. We're old enough to take care of ourselves, and we all have enough experience controlling our bowels to get everything inside the toilet. This kind of thing shouldn't be happening.
We recently had a fecal contamination incident in the 1st floor men's room which will require special cleaning by the janitorial service. This situation is disgusting and puts everyone who uses the restroom at risk.
If you have an "incident", please request assistance in locating cleaning supplies so that you can clean up after yourself. If you become aware of any such incidents, please report them to me or to your supervisor immediately.
If need be, the Criminal Investigator's office will be notified for appropriate action.
Secondly, you can't pay for better fodder for conversation. As my co-workers and I discussed it, we couldn't help but laugh like little children. It doesn't matter how old you are. Incidents involving feces are funny. At an unrelated meeting later in the day, we discussed the incident at length. Even old guys like project managers had a good laugh.
Lastly, this isn't an isolated incident. This is the third or fourth time it's happened in this building, and they apparently didn't catch the guy the first few times. Even though it's gross and I feel incredibly bad for the poor folks who have to clean it up, here's to a few more fecal contamination incidents. #entertainment
|Raise your hand if you've spent more than $10 on a pen. *hand raised*
It turns out I'm a bit of a pen addict. It's not that I spend lots of money on pens and always buy new ones. It's more like I walk down the pen aisle of office supply stores and ogle at all the cool pens. If I had a million dollars, I'd probably buy a million pens. And the weird thing is that I don't write very often. I don't take very many notes on paper, and when I write something down, I type it. But when I do write, I like simple pens that write smoothly. The Bic Clic Stic was my favorite pen, but it seems they've stopped making it. I'm on the hunt for a new favorite pen because this gel ink one I have at work is scratchy and blotchy. #products
|Thanks to all the religious freaks over the years, the world's collective view of religion has changed for the worst. A few examples:
Thanks to all the televangelists of the 80s and 90s who scammed people out of money and/or got caught in extramarital affairs, no televangelist, evangelist, or religious person asking for money can ever be trusted again. Thanks, public moral failures. I look at these examples as the reasons why people don't trust religion and look negatively at people who do. But at the same time, I'm guilty of doing a few things that have driven people away. Hopefully people who are truly interested in Christianity can get past all the reasons to stay away from it. #religion
Thanks to all the pedophilic Catholic priests, no priest, single man in a leadership position, or adult in charge of children can ever be trusted again. Thanks, pedophiles.
Thanks to all the Islamic terrorists, no Muslim, mosque, man in a turban, or woman in a burqa can ever be trusted again. Thanks, suicide bombers.
Thanks to all the cults who wrongly predicted the end of the world, created some sort of ridiculous fantasy about eternal life on a comet or pre-mortal existence as aliens, or murdered or otherwise convinced its followers to kill themselves, no "unorthodox" religious group can ever be trusted again. Thanks, delusional schizophrenics.
Thanks to all the Christian fundamentalists who battle constantly against abortion, stem cells, evolution, gay people, and separation of church and state, all practicing Christians are mislabeled as fundamentalists. Thanks, fundies.