Phone greeting (1) Mar 20, 2008
Since I sometimes sound like a robot when I answer the phone, I often think about the right way to answer the phone.  At home, it's pretty simple:  "Hello?"  I don't have caller ID, and I don't want to give out any personal information because the idiots that call my home phone are usually trying to sell me something (except you, Wendy's mom [and you're not an idiot]), so I stick with something plain and simple.  My cell phone has caller ID, and of the two or three calls I receive each month, I always know the caller, so I greet them by name. 

That leaves my work phone.  Many of the people I work with have a habit of using an official greeting.  They pick up the phone and simply state the group we work in.  No "Hi."  No "This is [X]."  It's like the Cosby Show:  "Huxtable residence."  But we have caller ID at work, and these same people use the same greeting for everyone, which is stupid, especially if the caller doesn't work where we work.  It was especially annoying with a guy who used to work near me.  He would get a few hundred phone calls every day, and every single one of them was a personal call.  But he would still do his stupid official greeting every time.  I always thought, "You barely work for our group, so you probably shouldn't be using our name to represent yourself." 

Update (2008-03-21 2:32pm):  This post is lacking.  Here are a few examples of good phone greetings: 
  1. Tom Miller (from KRHS):  "Whooo is it?"
  2. Kramer (from Seinfeld):  "Go."
  3. "Talk to me."
That is all. #technology
Rain vs. snow Mar 20, 2008
I'm sorry God, but I sort of hate rain.  I know it's good for plants and generally necessary for all life, but it's really unappealing.  Perhaps I should clarify:  I hate cold rain.  If I had a choice between cold and raining or cold and snowing, I'd choose the snow any day.  Snow usually feels less cold than rain.  This probably has something to do with humidity ratios and heat transfer coefficients, but it doesn't take a genius to notice that cold rain feels colder than cold snow.  Plus, rain is the one weather condition that's directly related to a human emotion:  Depression.  Snow, on the other hand, seems to always bring happiness.  I consistently feel like a little kid when I walk outside in the snow, hoping work or school will be canceled so I can run around outside and play in the magical white stuff.  If I had a choice, I'd probably choose to live on a warm tropical island, but since I'm in New Jersey, please, less cold rain, more snow. #nature
Skim milk Mar 20, 2008
Skim milk shouldn't even be classified as a milk.  It's a disappointing attempt at mimicry. #food
Killing things Mar 19, 2008
I feel bad about killing things.  Even bugs.  A fly just landed on my desk at work, and I quickly swatted it with a credit card bill.  It stopped moving, but I wasn't sure if it was dead or not (maybe it was in shock, or in a pre-vegetative state), so I crushed it between two pieces of paper.  I'd hate for a bug that didn't deserve death in the first place to have to suffer at the hands of a weak, stupid bi-ped.  I felt justified in killing this particular organism because of my recent experience with a fly at work.  Flies tend to be annoying.  And apparently they're very hearty specimens.  I won't miss that fly, but I hope his family will be ok without him. 

My disgust for bugs often overrides my feelings about killing them.  Most bugs aren't doing anything wrong.  In fact, they're probably doing something to help me.  Spiders are the bugs I fear and loathe the most, but they're probably the most useful because they kill all the other bugs.  House centipedes (what some people incorrectly call silverfish) eat spiders, bedbugs, termites, and cockroaches.  They're probably the best bug to keep around, except for the fact that they have many, many legs and they give me chills.  So I kill them.  I feel almost offended that a bug would choose my house for its residence.  I didn't invite it.  I didn't ask it to come live with me and kill my other bugs.  Therefore, it must die.  Same with people (kidding). 

I guess the determining factor is:  Can I find a reason to kill it?  If I can, I seem to get over my feelings.  My house has a few mice living in the walls.  I'd be perfectly fine with that, except that they're probably chewing on wires and destroying things.  If my house burns down because some dumb little mouse chewed some wires, I'm gonna be pissed.  So I feel justified in setting up a few mousetraps.  I went with the snap-down kind, not the sticky fly paper, because I want it to be quick and relatively painless.  Sticky paper never quite made sense to me.  After you catch the mouse, you can either choose to (a) listen to its poor little screams, or (b) take it outside and hit it with a shovel. 

I even feel bad about killing some plants.  My neighbor approached me a few months ago about cutting down the big oak trees between his house and mine.  I think his rationale was that the oak trees were annoying because of all their leaves and acorns.  I didn't agree to anything, so the trees are still there.  Even though I'm annoyed by the billions of acorns littering my lawn, I don't feel justified in cutting down the tree.  It just doesn't seem fair.  The tree didn't do anything wrong.  The tree was probably there before my house was.  My feeling is that unless the tree poses some sort of physical risk (like it's about to fall on my house or its roots are growing into my foundation), I don't really have the right to do anything to it. #nature
Date in search results Mar 19, 2008
I like seeing the date in search results on Google.  Put differently, I hate not seeing the date.  Last week I was searching for something and came across a result that seemed relevant, so I clicked it.  It turns out it was from five or six years ago.  In terms of technology, that was several lifetimes ago.  It's one thing if you're searching for something that's pretty static.  From one year to the next, even from one decade to the next, the information concerning a static topic probably won't change at all.  But if you're searching for something dynamic (e.g. technology-related), chances are it just changed yesterday, so that search result from the late 90s is no longer even remotely applicable. #technology
Carbon monoxide rage (1) Mar 19, 2008
I have a theory:  Road rage is actually a neurological condition caused by a lack of oxygen in the brain. 

It's safe to assume all vehicles produce at least some amount of carbon monoxide.  It would be naive not to think even a small portion of that gas entered the interior of the vehicle directly behind each moving vehicle.  As people breathe in carbon monoxide, I would assume it displaces (or replaces) oxygen in their blood and brain.  I have no evidence concerning this, but perhaps one of the symptoms of decreased oxygen levels in the brain is irritability.  Now take a person who either has a naturally lower amount of oxygen in their blood or who is just normally irritable.  Add some carbon monoxide which increases that person's irritability, and bam.  You have that guy in the pickup truck with the big tires who drives like his butt is on fire. 

I have a solution:  Equip vehicles with oxygen tanks.  One of the effects of breathing pure oxygen is a feeling of euphoria.  I would think that a good way to cure irritability is with euphoria.  Of course there's the added issue of having a container of highly reactive oxygen in an otherwise dangerous vehicle that's powered by a highly flammable fuel, but that's for the engineers to figure out. #travel
British humor (2) Mar 19, 2008
It's official:  British humor isn't funny.  I always wondered why I didn't find it amusing.  I figured it was because of my age.  But I'm 25 now, and I'm likely as mature and/or wise as I'll ever be (I've heard everything drops off after age 30).  Watching the original British Office series did me in.  Not only was it not funny, it crossed several lines morally.  I realize the entire continent of Europe thinks Americans are a bunch of prudes, and I'm probably not the best spokesperson for the opposition.  Jokes about sex and poop are one thing, but this show took it several steps further, to the point where it made me uncomfortable.  I've seen some pretty morally awful movies, so that's saying a lot.  And this was a TV show, not a movie.  It was quite eye-opening. 

But besides the moral stuff, the show was just bad because it was filled with culturally-specific jokes.  If I lived in their culture, I would actually understand these jokes, and then I could fairly judge whether these jokes are good or not.  But since the context and the meaning is completely lost in translation, I'm left trying to figure out what they're actually talking about, and when I finally figure it out, it still isn't funny. 

I've heard that Europeans think American humor isn't funny.  Well, I don't think their humor is funny.  At least we can all agree that culturally-specific humor isn't funny. #sociology
I am robot (2) Mar 18, 2008
A guy just called me at work.  I could see from the caller ID that it wasn't someone from my office, and I didn't recognize the number, so I used my standard official-business-yet-not-too-formal "Hi, this is Dave."  There was a pause at the other end before the guy told me who he was and why he was calling.  He said, "I couldn't tell if that was your answering machine or not."  I think I find that offensive. #technology
How are you answers Mar 17, 2008
Two recently heard answers to the question of "How are you": 
  1. Better than you.
  2. I'm awesome*.
*When said out loud, it implies the answerer is more awesome than the asker.  Just brilliant. #psychology
Wild Animal Crunch Mar 17, 2008
From the Unfortunate Product Names file:  Kellogg's Wild Animal Crunch Cereal. 
[Image: wildanimalcrunch.jpg]
Now with more mashed pandas!  Also available in polar bear, baby seal, and lemur flavors! #food