Bat encounter (2) Sep 19, 2007
On Saturday I decided it would be a good day to paint the shutters on my house, so I climbed a ladder to take down the shutters from our second floor bedroom.  I was in an outdoor-manly-bang-my-chest mood, so I had no fear of what I anticipated finding underneath the shutters.  I removed the first shutter and found an array of spider webs, wasp nests, and bat poop, but no living things.  I casually brushed everything away with my gloveless hand.  Then I licked my fingers.  Not really. 

I climbed down the ladder and moved it a few feet over to get the other shutter.  I climbed up the ladder and removed the four screws holding the shutter in place, and that's when I saw it. 





A little tiny, furry, 2-inch-long, upside-down bat.  (Yes, that's bat poop [guano] stuck to the house.  I guess he missed the memo about not pooping where you eat.)  I was scared at first because bats have an unfortunately bad amount of karma.  Will it bite me?  Will I become a vampire?  But then I noticed how scared it was of me, and I lost any feeling of trepidation.  Even though I woke the little guy up and disturbed his little humble abode, he was in no hurry to get away.  So I went down the ladder, got my camera from inside, and went back up to take a few pictures.  He stood still the whole time and wasn't even scared of the flash.  When I was satisfied, I figured I should resume my task, so I tried to scare him away. 

That's when it happened.  Well, it almost happened.  The bat abruptly flew away, brushing against my arm in the process (apparently it's difficult to begin flying while perched upside down and in a confined space).  There's one simple reaction that comes to mind when a wild animal flies in your direction and touches you:  Flee.  The problem was that I was on a ladder, 20 feet in the air.  I screamed a high-pitched womanly scream, grabbed the ladder tightly, and felt my heart beating in my neck.  I looked down at my arm to make sure the bat didn't leave any puncture wounds, and I gradually calmed down as I realized everything was ok. 

As I was doing some research for this post (check out this picture...eek!), I realized bats are feared mainly because they're known to carry rabies, even though it's rare and there are only a handful of incidents each year in the entire country.  I guess I should've been more scared of the little thing.  But c'mon, look at it.  It's the size of a mouse.  And it's furry.  How can you be scared of something like that? #nature
The world needs more sand Sep 17, 2007
GMA Garnet, a construction materials company located in Australia, recently made a deal with Saudi Arabia to ship a bunch of sand.  This is how I imagine the conversation went: 
Saudis:  Ya know what we need?  SAND.  And lots of it. 
Aussies:  But isn't your whole country...
Saudis:  Just give us your sand! 
Aussies:  Looking at a map, we can clearly see that no less than 95% of your country is...
Saudis:  SAND!  We'll give you oil!  Eh? 
(via News of the Weird) #entertainment
Knife licking Sep 17, 2007
I've developed the extremely unsafe habit of knife licking.  You see, the residents of our household don't do the dishes nearly as often as they should.  And because of the hardness of our well water, leaving the stainless steel flatware in the sink causes rusting.  I'd rather not have to deal with caked-on food when I actually get around to washing the dishes, so I've found that it's simple and effective to "pre-clean".  So after I use a knife to cut apple pie or something similar, I lick said knife.  I fully expect to sustain a life-threatening mouth injury from this practice. #psychology
Kickboxing Sep 14, 2007
I started kickboxing this week, and I can already say it's in the top 5 best experiences of my life.  Even though I'm brutally sore due to being pitifully out of shape, it's an awesome class.  Contrary to what I originally thought, kickboxing has hardly any kicking involved.  For some reason, I thought it was all lower body stuff, but somebody pointed out to me the fact that "kickboxing" refers to "kicking" and "boxing". 

The main downside of the Israeli self-defense class I took was that it was pretty much entirely centered around person-to-person encounters.  That's a good thing for the purpose of the class:  To teach people how to defend themselves in person-to-person encounters.  For example, if you have a gun pointed at you, it doesn't matter how high you can kick your leg or how hard you can punch a pad.  You need to know a few simple moves that'll both protect you from the attack and turn the attack around to the other person.  But because the class teaches such violent, destructive moves, you can't practice them at full force and full speed.  You're forced to practice at 10-20%.  Sometimes this was enough, other times it felt lacking. 

That's why I'm enjoying kickboxing so far.  Up to this point, the class has been pretty simple: 
  1. Run around to warm up.
  2. Do some push-ups and sit-ups.
  3. Punch and kick the living crap out of a padded bag.
  4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 several times.
It's really quite fulfilling.  And more than that, it serves two purpose for me: 
  1. It lets me figure out how hard I can punch something.  The limiting factor is my body strength.  Since I'm wearing padded gloves and hitting a padded object, I won't break any fingers or walls/doors.  It's both satisfying and relieving to put all your strength and energy into something, especially something so potentially destructive yet relatively harmless.
  2. It lets me figure out what I'd do in a real-life situation.  I have a feeling that I, like most people, will fall back on a few simple moves when under pressure.  I won't remember how to defend against 50 different attacks.  I won't remember how to throw 30 different combinations of kicks and punches.  I'll probably remember about 2 or 3 things, and I'll use them until I'm red in the face.  Those 2 or 3 moves will come out when we start sparring.
#sports
Rampaging robots Sep 13, 2007
I'm a frequent reader of Ripley's Believe It or Not.  Even though their stories are sometimes a little lame, I usually walk away and say, "Huh...weird," which is good enough to keep me coming back every day.  Every once in a while, they ask a question one day and give the answer the next day.  It's usually some sort of simple brain teaser that can probably be solved by a 5th grader (I've heard they're smarter than many adults).  Most times, I read it and don't even care what the solution is.  Or, I decide in my mind that I could solve it if I felt like it, but I just don't feel like it.  It's good to be the smartest person on earth. 

This one showed up on Tuesday: 
[Image: ripleys1.png]
The question asks, "You are atop building A, which is full of rampaging robots.  If you only had a pair of sturdy boards 28' long, how could you cross the 30' gap to reach the helicopter on building B?"  This is one of the few I've actually thought about.  I have a massive fear of being attacked by rampaging robots while on the roof of a building, so this scenario is especially important.  I casually wracked my brain trying to come up with a solution and I honestly couldn't come up with anything.  You can't connect the boards because they'll be too weak at the joint (not to mention they won't stay together).  You can't lay them on their sides because that wouldn't do anything.  The closest I could come to a solution is to use one of them as a giant pole vault, but the animated character in my head could never make it to the other building.  Damn him! 

I was thoroughly excited Wednesday to get to work and read the solution. 
[Image: ripleys2.png]
The solution says, "Although each board is too short on its own, you can use one board at the corner to brace another and escape."  Bingo.  That's genius.  I never would've thought of that.  I would've been pummeled by those robots, and even if I got my pole vault to work, I would've probably been chopped to pieces in the helicopter's propeller. 

Sadly, I think my problem-solving abilities are starting to decline. #entertainment
Money shortage (3) Sep 12, 2007
Let me preface this by saying I've never been short on money, at least not in the life-or-death, lose-my-car-and-house kind of way.  I don't own a BMW and I'm in a considerable amount of manageable debt, but I've never really been short on money. 

But I know people who have been.  The thing about people who are short on money is that there are two distinct types.  There's the type of person who's just having a bad week, month, year, or life.  They get in a car accident the same day they lose their job.  Then their identity gets stolen and they file for bankruptcy.  These people are unfortunate.  I feel bad for them.  Nobody plans for these things.  This type of money shortage is legitimate, and whatever complaints they have are deserved, and whatever subsequent actions they take are understandable. 

Then there's the other type.  I referred to these people a little in my previous post.  These are the people who complain about not making rent while driving around in a new car and going out to bars on Friday nights.  They complain about being broke while researching solutions with their Optimum Triple Play (TV, internet, phone, ~$100/month) and using some of their 5000 cell phone minutes.  They dread the idea of living with a roommate or moving in with their parents, even temporarily, saying, "I just need my own place."  To these people, I'd like to give some advice (since I probably wouldn't say many of these things to a person face-to-face, I cowardly yet boldly write them on my website): 
  1. As Mick Jagger says, you can't always get what you want.  Depending on your situation in life, you legitimately might not be able to afford to live by yourself.  This is especially true if you're a resident of New Jersey or some other financially hyper-inflated area.  This is also true if you're 22 and you just got a job.  Wait a few years; maybe you can afford it then.  If not, throw out your pride and get a roommate.
  2. Perform a reality check to determine what's actually a necessity and what's not.  Do you really need an internet connection at home, or can you do internet things at work?  Would you rather watch the latest episode of House or eat dinner this week?  I can kind of understand if you need your uber-expensive cell phone plan, but if it's a choice between buying gas to drive to work and paying for a cell phone, I'd opt for the former because it basically determines the latter.
  3. You can't always buy nice things.  Nice things are for people with money.  There exists a whole world of things that can be bought at cheaper prices, and nobody's gonna look down on you if you buy a "vintage" t-shirt from a thrift store.  It might actually look like the really expensive ones, in which case it'd be a double-whammy:  Stylish clothes, and for pennies.
  4. Have a budget.  Figure out how much money you make and how much you need to spend in order to survive (food, clothes, shelter).  Then buy things or go out.  I'll admit I didn't have a budget when I graduated college, and I blew through money like nobody's business.  If I hadn't been living with my parents, I could've potentially run into some trouble down the road.
  5. Bars aren't a necessity.  I don't know if I'm the only person that knows this or not, but beer can be bought at a much lower price from a liquor store than from a bar.  You can still pound a few 6-packs, but do it at your place instead of a bar or club.  This isn't rocket science.
#money
Lending people money Sep 12, 2007
Let me preface this by saying I've never lent a person money.  Hence, this post will be extremely narrow-minded and one-sided.  That being said, here it goes. 

I'm not opposed to lending people money.  I can understand if a person is in a ditch and needs a little boost to get out.  It's understandable.  Stuff happens.  Life isn't always predictable, and money doesn't grow on bonsais. 

However, if I was to lend a person money, there would be a few terms to the agreement.  For one, I wouldn't necessarily need to be paid back, unless the amount was followed by three or more zeros.  I have bills too, people.  Second, I think I should have at least some say in how the money is used.  If you say, "I don't have enough money for rent this month," I wouldn't expect you to use my money to support your heroin addiction.  However, I'm not opposed to lending money for the sole purpose of splurging.  I would be ok with saying, "I know you don't have much money, so here's $50.  Go nuts."  Third, I think I should have at least some say in how you run your life.  This is the most important part.  If you say, "I don't have enough money for rent this month," I reserve to right to point out the fact that a person who's short on money doesn't need high-speed internet or new timbs.  He/she doesn't need cable TV, an all-inclusive cell phone plan, and three nights out partying each weekend.  I have no desire to be the moral authority in anyone's life, but if I'm giving my money away, I expect at least a shred of common sense.  If you can't afford to pay your rent or other relatively necessary expenses, you shouldn't be affording life's amenities.  And I don't consider things like gym memberships and alcohol consumption necessities.  Disagree with me if you want, but don't expect to borrow any money from me. #money
NFL TV regulations (4) Sep 11, 2007
The picture on this page shows the distribution of NFL coverage on FOX channels nationwide during the early (1pm EST) Sunday time slot.  The following image shows the portion that affects me: 
[Image: nflfoxweek1.png]
The red area refers to Philadelphia @ Green Bay coverage.  Notice that small gray area covering northern New Jersey and a few other areas.  Why is it gray?  Because there was no game on.  What was on instead?  Some stupid bogus FOX timewaster crap.  What could've been on?  Any football game.  What would've been ideal?  The Eagles game.  I shouldn't have to point out the fact that Philadelphia is about a centimeter away from New York on the map.  It goes without saying that millions of Eagles fans are scattered throughout various parts of Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and even some of New York.  So why wouldn't FOX play the Eagles game, or any other game for that matter, instead of showing four hours of commercials for the 16th season of Prison Break and the all-new all-new all-new episodes of 24, the Simpsons, Family Guy, and that other stupid show with that comedian guy where he hates his family and his son is gay and this equates to meaningful, well-thought-out comedy? 

Let me take a moment to describe the thoughts of a typical football fan:  I like watching football.  If there's a game on, I'll watch it.  I don't care who's playing.  I don't care if I have no emotional or monetary investment in the outcome.  It doesn't matter if neither team has a single player from my fantasy team.  Sometimes it's just good to watch football for the sake of watching football.  I enjoy watching grown men run into each other.  I enjoy watching 300-lb defensive lineman run after quarterbacks and catch them like a lion catching an antelope.  I enjoy watching tight ends plow through defensive backs like they're little girls.  The bottom line is that I like watching football, so broadcasting a football game can only be a good thing for a TV station.  Think about it:  I'm your prime demographic.  Male, 25, likes to live vicariously through TV.  Who wouldn't throw all their advertising dollars at me? 

Back to the program.  Apparently, there's a rule that states "no other NFL games can air on local TV at the same time as a team's home game in the club's primary market," which means if the Jets are playing at home at 1pm and the Giants aren't playing at the same time, no other game will be broadcast because it's unfair for the loser Jet fans and their failure of a team (my translation).  Sorry Jets fans to encroach on your territory; maybe you should get a new coach, a new quarterback, a new team, or some combination of the above, and figure out how to beat the Patriots.  Until that happens, I'd rather watch motorized vehicles drive around a circular path 500 times in a row, which is exactly what was on the other local channel during your game. 

So basically, it's the NFL's decision.  Or more accurately, it's the NFL's fault.  The thing I like is also the thing I hate. 

It turns out, I found a similar link last year, and I found a workaround that still works.  Hooray for the internet! #entertainment
Optimized ads Sep 11, 2007
This feels at least a bit misleading: 
[Image: optimized.png]
For one, no advertisement can possibly ever optimize anything.  Ads, by definition, are meant to get in the way and slow things down.  Second, the fact that my browser displayed the "Connecting to ..." message long enough for me to (a) get annoyed and (b) do a screen capture completely proves my point. #entertainment
How many animal crackers Sep 7, 2007
Q:  How many animal crackers could I eat in one sitting? 
A:  Probably a billion. #food