I don't trust anyone with the name Scooter.  And seriously, how can I?  Scooter can only refer to one of the following 3 things: 

1. The thing from the Muppets
2. A device used by children to achieve linear motion
3. A verb meaning "To go suddenly and speedily; hurry."

So to have a major political figure named Scooter, we as a nation should've realized we were heading down the wrong path.  Whatever this guy Scooter did, I'm sure he had it coming to him, what with a name like Scooter.  It's his own fault. #psychology