NFL Network Nov 28, 2006
NFL Network sounds like a great idea.  I think it goes without saying that we as a country and as a human race need a TV channel devoted entirely to the NFL (I'm sort of kidding but also sort of serious).  I think the channel addresses a very real need/desire:  To have a channel that focuses solely on the NFL, day and night, all the time.  But I think it goes about this completely wrong.  It totally misses the point.  Instead of providing in-depth background information and analysis, it shows new "subscription only" games on Thursdays and Saturdays.  Whose idea was that?  Ok, maybe someone said, "We need football on more days during the week."  That's fine, but who came to the conclusion that these new games should be shown on an obscure channel that's only available to people who pay more money for it?  And what about people with Cablevision, Time Warner, or Charter?  NFL Network isn't available through these cable providers, so schmucks like me can't watch these special non-Sunday games.  This is quite possibly the stupidest idea to hit TV in recent years besides Dancing with Some C-List Stars or Skating with Celebrity Idiots. 

So basically, NFL Network is a great idea that's turned into a total failure.  Why offer premium content if half the people in the country can't access it?  Why have a channel devoted entirely to the NFL if nothing new or useful is really being offered?  My advice to Mr. NFL Network would be to change things around a bit.  Get yourself packaged with other normal channels like the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.  Offer a viable service.  Perhaps replay games 24 hours a day.  Or if you want to stick with the subscription gig, offer an NFL Network for every division or every team, and cover every game, no matter where it's played or where you're being broadcast.  That would definitely be in competition with the stupid jerks at FOX, CBS, and NBC, who only play the home team's game, and who don't play a game at all if the home team isn't playing. #entertainment
Stone pillows (2) Nov 27, 2006
This French company makes these things called Livingstones, which are rock-shaped, rock-colored pillows.  The best part about the product is this picture that shows a wild-haired caveman-like person dressed only in underwear, diving on these rock-like pillows like they're giant sugar cookies waiting to be eaten.  Where'd they find that freak?  (via Neatorama)
#products
Minimum purchase Nov 27, 2006
It turns out that requiring a minimum purchase amount when using a credit card is against Visa's and MasterCard's stated policy.  Specifically, Visa's policy says, "Always honor valid Visa cards, in your acceptance category, regardless of the dollar amount of the purchase.  Imposing minimum or maximum purchase amounts is a violation."  MasterCard's policy says, "A merchant must not require, or post signs indicating that it requires, a minimum or maximum transaction amount to accept a valid MasterCard card."  MasterCard has a website where you can report a merchant violation; Visa recommends contacting the company that issues your card.  (via Mental Floss) #business
Uninteresting (2) Nov 27, 2006
Adding to my current list of social problems, I have a pretty good feeling I'm uninteresting.  Whenever people ask me how I'm doing or what I've been up to, I struggle to come up with a good answer.  In an effort to make my peanut-counting job functions sound worthy of compensation, or to sugarcoat my interest in violent and aggressive activities in order to make me sound slightly less maniacal, I usually end up fumbling out an explanation that doesn't even begin to address the truth.  It's not that I'm compulsively lying, it's that I can't find the proper words in the right amount of time to successfully answer the question.  Sometimes, the issue is with my perception of the audience.  Will they understand my rocket science computer simulations?  If so, are they interested enough to pay attention to what I'm saying, or will they get distracted by the cat walking by?  So here's what ends up happening:  I squint my eyes, furrow my brow, put on a pained thinking face, and eventually settle on the words "not much" or "pretty good".  Where normal people would follow that thought fragment with meaningful conversation, I open my mouth slightly, hoping words will magically fall out and form rational sentences, and when they don't, I frantically search my mental encyclopedia of human social interaction for guidance on a meaningful question to ask or an interesting event to recount.  So maybe it's not a question of being uninteresting or not as much as it's a communication breakdown.  I think I used to be able to function somewhat normally in social situations.  I used to be able to meet new people and talk to them intelligently.  Somewhere along the line, I devolved into a bumbling interaction invalid.  I'm not sure what happened. #psychology
Sharing underwear Nov 22, 2006
It was recently brought to my attention that sharing underwear is a universally unacceptable thing.  And I fully agree.  I'm ok with letting people borrow a shirt or two.  I'm more hesitant about pants and shorts, but I'll usually give in.  Socks and undershirts might be given out reluctantly with a "Hey, it's your problem" disclaimer. 

But when it comes to underwear, there's just no acceptable reason, socially, mentally, physically, or spiritually, to let another person wear your underwear.  It just can't happen.  The borrower would be virtually unable to make it through the day.  They might accidentally slip up and say, "Hi, I'm Bob.  I'm wearing my friend's underwear.  I mean..."  Or it might just happen to be the most hot and humid day of the year.  I don't need to elaborate on that point. 

The lender of the underwear would be equally at fault.  No matter how many times you wash them, no matter how much bleach and other industrial cleaners you use, they're still the underwear your friend borrowed.  Every time you wear them after that, you'll remember.  It's not one of those things you'll conveniently forget about like the dust bunnies you swept under the refrigerator or the cookie you accidentally dropped on the floor and ate.  I think you'd be so riddled with disgust and self-loathing that you'd be unable to continue being a functional human being.  You'd have frequent mental health breakdowns.  You'd start yelling at squirrels.  You'd be unable to enter normal society again until you burned those underwear in a bonfire and publicly renounced your utter moral failure. 

In conclusion, don't let people borrow your underwear, and don't be a borrower of other people's underwear.  It's just completely unacceptable. #lifestyle
Software design Nov 22, 2006
I'm not technically a software developer, but I sometimes work with code that will eventually be used by other people.  This sorta makes me a software developer, in some small way. 

One of the rules of thumb to keep in mind when programming is this:  "It's a good idea to keep the user in mind when developing software".  That sounds dumb, but it's surprising how often it isn't followed.  I'm working with a guy who's been doing minor programming work for 15 years.  Nothing major, just a bunch of in-house simulation codes and things like that.  But the code he's written has been distributed to other people.  In fact, the project he and I are currently working on is meant to be shared with several other groups of people, none of which even work in our office.  So I was at least slightly shocked/disgusted by a little "feature" he added right at the beginning of the project.  When the user opens the main window of the program, he/she can input data, run the simulation, and plot stuff.  When the user wants to exit, he/she simply clicks on the "Exit" button at the bottom.  And that's where my coworker decided to make a pop-up say "Are you sure?  Yes/No".  I questioned his logic on it and he said, "Eh, it's what I've seen other programs do."  Wow.  That hurts.  You include a useless feature simply because you saw it in some other piece of software?  I'm no expert, but that sounds pretty stupid. #technology
Waiting in line Nov 21, 2006
This post has nothing to do with Wii-tards or PS3-tards (thanks kottke!). 

Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun-Times asks, "Was it worth the wait?"  The best answer by far was from a guy named Bill:  "The longest I ever waited in line was 25 minutes to use the bathroom at Wrigley, and when I got in, I used the sink!"  What an awesome thing to do, and an even awesomer thing to submit to a newspaper.  God bless America! 

(via Obscure Store) #entertainment
Satellite Nov 21, 2006
I used to be a customer of Dish Network.  They offer the same stupid junk as other cable providers, but sometimes it's slightly less expensive.  But about 6 months ago, I switched back to regular old cable for one simple reason:  Satellite signals depend on clear weather.  Chucks of metal and electronics (satellites) circling the earth at 7000 mph send magical radio waves to receivers here on earth.  If something gets in the way (e.g. clouds, mountains, trees, etc. [two Latin phrases in one fragment - yippee!]), the signals disappear into the hole in the space-time continuum where antimatter collided with a black hole billions of years ago.  Just kidding.  The signals simply don't get received.  The problem with this is quite simple:  The only thing to do on rainy days is watch TV.  If TV doesn't work on rainy days, we have a problem.  Cable TV is distributed through wires.  Bad weather has no effect on wires.  Hence, cable wins over satellite

The thing with satellite stuff is that it's really awesome and it's incredibly useful.  It's really awesome to be able to determine where on earth you are, within a few feet, by communicating with a satellite.  It's incredibly useful to get internet access in the middle of the desert without any wires.  And it's such a welcome relief to be able to listen to commercial-free radio.  But the problem is that it's not reliable.  You can't count on the weather being clear.  You don't always have a clear view of a certain part of the sky when you're driving or sitting in your house.  You can't depend on everything working.  And that's not cool in my book. #entertainment
Recurring thought fragment (2) Nov 20, 2006
Every once in a while, I'll experience a recurring thought fragment throughout the course of an entire day.  I'm not sure how else to explain it.  Basically, I'll have a split-second mental picture of some distant thought, experience, or dream, and then I'll forget it instantly.  When I try to explain it to someone, I can't describe any of the fragment's contents or details.  I think I remember seeing a person or two, and a field with grass and a hill.  But I'm not completely sure of that.  But I do know that I keep seeing the same fragment over and over again at various times throughout the day. 

This happened yesterday, and it wasn't the first time it happened.  Several other times in the past, I've had a whole day of these recurring thought fragments.  And what's even weirder is that it's been the same detail-less, unexplainable fragment every time.  I'm wondering if this will all make sense some day.  Maybe I'll eventually experience the fragment in real life and it'll be a major case of deja vu.  Or maybe the fragment already happened and my brain keeps replaying it for some reason, like it's a broken record. #psychology
Blister pack Nov 20, 2006
I'm a fan of gum that comes in blister packs.  Every time I get gum in cardboard or paper rappers, it gets all melted and disgusting in my pocket.  So when I try to get a piece out of the packaging, I have to spend a few hours taking all the little pieces of wrapper out of the sticky, messy goo that used to be a piece of gum (or I just pretend I got all the wrapper out and chew it real fast before I can think about it).  But with blister packs, each piece of gum stays separate from the rest, so there's no "if you get all the nachos stuck together, that's one nacho".  Plus, most blister pack gum has a hard coating that doesn't melt when it's in a warm environment for an extended period of time (e.g. my pocket).  No melted gum makes Dave a happy camper. 

I always feel weird when people ask me for gum, especially when I stupidly buy non-blister pack gum.  I pull out this ratty old pack of gum that looks like it's from 1989 and I say something along the lines of, "Yeah, you can have a piece, but it's all warm and melted".  For some reason, most people don't care.  I tend to look at them with squinted eyes and think, "It's warm because of my body heat.  Ya know.  From my body.  From my upper thigh."  But most people just spend a few minutes peeling the wrapper off and eat it like it's no big deal.  Maybe I'm weird, but I think there's something wrong with that. #food