|I keep seeing commercials for Zicam, the newest miracle cure for the common cold. But every time I see the commercial, I get a little scared.
What's that thing on the box? What's it do? Where does it go? If it was meant to be taken orally, it would be in pill or syrup form. If it was meant to be taken nasally, it would be in spray form. Help me out here, I'm running out of orifices. How else can stuff get in the human body? Sure, there's ... ya know ... but why the heck would a company make a product meant to be taken that way, much less expect people to buy it? That's crazy talk! No cold is bad enough to take medicine that way. I would go so far as to say there are few deadly diseases that are worth being treated in that entrance.
Doctor: It looks like we'll have to administer the treatment in ... well, ya know ... the other end. Fear not! The product instructions clear things up. On the 7th step (good God, why did it take that long?): "Apply medication just inside of each nostril." And there ya have it, folks. That Q-tip-thing is made to be shoved up your nose. I never would have thought that being told to put a foreign object in my nose would come as such a relief. #health
Me: It looks like I'll be opting for death.
Doctor: Good choice. I'd do the same.